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HOW MUCH PAINT.
(Preview)
Sven and Ollie live in the same apartment building in identical flats. Sven visits Ollie and sees that he just painted his flat and it looks great. He says, Ollie, this looks amazing. How many cans of paint did you buy? Ollie says he bought seven. .. The next day Sven drives to the store, buys seven cans of...
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Possum3
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0
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1002
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The ATM balance
(Preview)
I was at the ATM this morning waiting to get some Bitcoin out (yes there are Bitcoin ATM's in Australia and you can withdraw cash), anyway this little old lady was in front of me, she was taking absolutely ages so I asked her if she needed any help...... oh yes please she said, could you please check my bal...
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Des and Jane
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2
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1112
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Graveyard
(Preview)
A drunk walking home decided to take a short cut through the cemetery, Walking along in the dark he stumbled over a mound of dirt and fell into an open grave that was dug for an early funeral the next day. The man tried to climb out, but he was short and the gravediggers had dug the correct six foot depth. The...
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Possum3
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0
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962
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Wrong plane
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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1021
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What the ?
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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943
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Wot'd ya git fer Xmas?
(Preview)
Did anyone get a Stand-up Malcolm doll for Christmas? Tried to get it to stand up straight but it just waffles a few lines, leans to the left and falls over. Probably wont be available next year. What about the Backflip Bill doll? Just mention a policy, clap your hands and it does a perfect backflip, o...
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rockylizard
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0
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945
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Were you good?
(Preview)
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RustyD
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0
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812
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Yep so true . The journey .. Enjoy it .,
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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986
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Understanding Bitcoin
(Preview)
An opinion on Bitcoin that resonates alarm bells. Get out before all the Monkeys have gone.*BITCOIN*A lot of monkeys lived near a village.One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys!He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each. The villagers thought that this man is mad.They...
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rgren2
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3
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1096
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Seniors Coffee
(Preview)
SENIORS' COFFEE GROUPA group of seniors was sitting around talking about all their ailments at Weatherspoon's. "My arms have got so weak that I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; can't even see my coffee." "What? Speak up! What? I ca...
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RustyD
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1
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1112
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Dog vs Cat
(Preview)
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RustyD
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2
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1194
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A few oldies...
(Preview)
80 Year old Woman on Birth Control Pills:A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next check-up, the new young doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. Looking through these, his eyes grew as he realized Gr...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1087
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True Love
(Preview)
A husband and wife are drinking wine when, out of the blue, the wife sighs. ?I love you,? she says quietly. The husband narrows his eyes. ?Is that you or the wine talking?? ?It?s me,? says the wife, ?talking to the wine.?
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Possum3
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1
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1035
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Irishman's letter to a doctor - Adults Only
(Preview)
Dear Sir,I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous, and having been married for 7 years and having 7 children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are useless. When first married, we were told to use the rhythm method. Despite trying to dance the qui...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1296
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Smart Ass.
(Preview)
A donkey is carrying a huge load across a farm when a pig, Happily laying on his back in the soft mud says to the donkey; "Look at yourself. Old, Skinny, always working for the farmer. And look at me laying around doing nothing, just enjoying myself living life and the farmer feeds me every day". The donke...
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Possum3
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3
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1482
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The Banker
(Preview)
And, if you think Bankers don't have heart, read the best Banker story of all time... bar none. The City's largest Charitable Organization realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful Banker. So a volunteer paid the Banker a visit in his lavish office. The volun...
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Possum3
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2
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1061
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The Jury
(Preview)
During a trial, the clerk addressed the prisoner in the dock Do you wish to challenge the jury? The prisoner looked at the people assembled. Well, not all of them at once, he said, but I reckon I could go a few rounds with the little chubby guy in the middle for starters.
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Possum3
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2
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1498
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How heavy?
(Preview)
A woman noticed her husband trying to weigh himself on the bathroom scale. Each time he stepped on, he started sucking in his stomach. Thats not going to help, darling, said the wife. Trust me. Its already working, the husband said smugly. Now I can see the numbers.
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Possum3
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1
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1146
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When you feel a bit stupid read this
(Preview)
If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)Question: If you could li...
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Tony Bev
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2
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1436
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In Church.
(Preview)
Louise walked in to church one day in a see-through blouse and the priest stopped her from going any further. You cant come into church like that, he said. Yes, I can, said Louise. I have a divine right. You have a divine left as well, my dear, said the priest. But you still cant come in without a hat.
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Possum3
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1
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1312
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