|
Two irishman
(Preview)
Two irishman decided they would go cut their own Christmas tree...they walked for miles...up and down hills...looking for the perfect tree...finally one turned to the other and said...."We're cutting the next tree we find....whether it has lights or not"..
|
Yendorane
|
0
|
922
|
|
|
|
|
Forward and Backward
(Preview)
Girl: Ah, finally. This is the moment!Boy: Will you leave me?Girl: Nah!Boy: Do you love me?Girl: Yes, a lot!Boy: Have you ever cheated on me?Girl: No, why are you asking this?Boy: Will you kiss me?Girl: Every time i get the chance!Boy:Will you ever hit me?Girl: Are you crazy?! Of course not!Boy: Can i...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
969
|
|
|
|
|
snow dropper.
(Preview)
I'm not saying my lady friend is large but the other morning we realized somebody had pinched her undies from the line. That didn't really upset me as much as > > > > > > > the fact he took the sixteen pegs as well.
|
Stl
|
1
|
1319
|
|
|
|
|
I just couldn't help myself
(Preview)
After Quasimodo's death, the Archbishop of Paris at the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The Archbishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin what he thought would be a long screeni...
|
Moorey
|
3
|
1148
|
|
|
|
|
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand
(Preview)
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi 'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?' Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
1163
|
|
|
|
|
Santa's been busy this year.........
(Preview)
|
kiwijims
|
5
|
1087
|
|
|
|
|
Probably takes the best email prize for 2016
(Preview)
Buttock Tattoo Terror LandsHull Pair in HospitalA furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session, left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment. Vintage film fan and part time plus size model Tracey Munter (...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1297
|
|
|
|
|
This is good
(Preview)
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.Shocked, she asked, 'What in the world are you doing?'The daughter replied, 'Mum, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and th...
|
rgren2
|
0
|
1025
|
|
|
|
|
The neighbour
(Preview)
About a week ago I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) and I noticed a person who was wearing a mask with a knife in hand, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden. Suddenly my neighbor came from behind and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instant...
|
rgren2
|
0
|
822
|
|
|
|
|
MALE LOGIC
(Preview)
Male logic... flawless This a conversation between a man and a woman. Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about three Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man $5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man:...
|
Moorey
|
3
|
1485
|
|
|
|
|
Throne of Heaven
(Preview)
Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing before the Throne of Heaven. God looks at them and says," before granting you a place at my side,I must as you what you have learned and what you believe in." God asks Obama first, "what do you believe?"Obama looks God in the eye and replies, "I believe in hard work a...
|
Yarra
|
2
|
1210
|
|
|
|
|
Cooking Instructions...
(Preview)
|
rockylizard
|
0
|
968
|
|
|
|
|
Things to think about while waiting for your wife
(Preview)
When they get married, the woman is thinking that from now on they can go on dates all the time. The man is thinking the exact opposite. It's difficult for me to anticipate what women are going to do or say because I find they think differentlly. And more often. As she gets older, your wife may start losi...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
870
|
|
|
|
|
At Church
(Preview)
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man replied, On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she tu...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
913
|
|
|
|
|
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
(Preview)
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.Defense A...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
918
|
|
|
|
|
Stole another one.
(Preview)
A married old man thought he would give his wife a Christmas surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him. "What colour?" they asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty-four dollars."... "Expensi...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
920
|
|
|
|
|
Big People Words
(Preview)
A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you we...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
871
|
|
|
|
|
Lizards
(Preview)
I had to take my sons lizard to the vet. Heres what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. Hes just lying there looking sick, he told me. Im serious, Dad. Can you help? I put my best lizard-healer exp...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
954
|
|
|
|
|
Purina
(Preview)
I was at Coles Supermarket buying a bag of Purina dog chow for my dog , in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog chow, RIGHT ??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't, beca...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
886
|
|
|
|
|
Al Bran
(Preview)
. The couple were 85-years-old and had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise over the pas...
|
Woody2
|
1
|
868
|
|
|
