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Traffic Report.
(Preview)
A man was listening to the radio when the traffic report came on. Theres a car driving the wrong way on the motorway, causing mayhem in both directions, the radio announcer warned. Police advise avoiding the area. The man then realised that his wife was planning to take the motorway to an appointment,...
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Possum3
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0
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831
|
|
|
|
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Snoring
(Preview)
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Nick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Nick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodsh...
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Possum3
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2
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1007
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Vaseline survey
(Preview)
Vaseline survey A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?' She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.' 'And if you don't...
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Woody2
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1
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998
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Blonde no1
(Preview)
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Tak...
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Woody2
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1
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933
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Blonde no3
(Preview)
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husban...
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Woody2
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0
|
885
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|
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|
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Blonde no2
(Preview)
A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, &a...
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Woody2
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0
|
809
|
|
|
|
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New dentures.
(Preview)
A Priest goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.... The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit...
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Possum3
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2
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1142
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Please God
(Preview)
Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night.He picks up his bathrobe from the floor and puts it on.He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.He thinks: "What the hell -- what happened last night?" He walks t...
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Yarra
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0
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908
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Hit Man
(Preview)
The Grey Nomad hired a hit man to kill his wife. The hit man said "I'll shoot her right in the left nipple" The Grey Nomad said "I wan't you to kill her - not Kneecap her".
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Possum3
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0
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825
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Did you????
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
|
0
|
797
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Speeding..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
|
0
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869
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|
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First of the month.
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
|
0
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742
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|
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Old navy chief
(Preview)
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am? 'About 32,' is the r...
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Woody2
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0
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1132
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Darts team
(Preview)
A middle aged couple took in a very beautiful 18-year-old girl as a lodger.On her first night She asked if she could have a bath,but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although ifshe wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's thebest night, when my husband goes...
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Woody2
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0
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988
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Murphy's other 15 laws:
(Preview)
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.... 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending mac...
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Possum3
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0
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1004
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Another Handyman
(Preview)
Elderly widow puts add in local paper seeking a Handyman. Youngish clean looking fellow knocks on door and advises he is answering her handyman ad. Lady likes the look of him and says your hired. Lady asks handyman to get a ladder from the garage and clean out roof gutters, as it looks like rain. Handyma...
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Possum3
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0
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1332
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Handyman Husband
(Preview)
Wife texts her handy husband on a cold winter morning: "WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN" Husband texts back: "GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER" Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW!!
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Yarra
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0
|
873
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Disco Moves
(Preview)
My arms and legs are killing me. Was at a Chinese disco last night and it was all going smoothly until the Chinese version of YMCA came on.
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Possum3
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0
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1132
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Military
(Preview)
An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action. "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women o...
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Possum3
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0
|
857
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So true...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
|
0
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992
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