Just Joking

Possum3 · Possum3

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon." With rene...

Yarra · Yarra

He opens it to find two sheriffs deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, Yes, I am.The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the mans wife.The guy says, Sure and gets a photo to show them.The deputy says, Im sorry, sir. But it looks like...

Yarra · Yarra

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically,"but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that sh...

oldbloke · oldbloke

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai girl. H...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

This is Clara...she has been appointed by our Prime Minister to ""negotiate"" all Trade Deals with President Trump... You know,..... I think this is actually 'GOING TO WORK'....!...Hoo Roo

Possum3 · Possum3

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..' So the married couple wa...

Possum3 · Possum3

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."... "...

Craig1 · Craig1

as attached

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Traffic Cop, entrapment.......her case would surely 'hold up' in Court....Hoo Roo

Possum3 · Possum3

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order...

Magnarc · Magnarc

This fellow has sharp pains in his backside, after visiting numerous Doctors the situation is not getting better. He talks to his mate about it who suggests that the Chinese doctor in the High St has been known to cure many things that others have failed to do. He takes himself off to the Chinese doc and e...

Possum3 · Possum3

A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...

Possum3 · Possum3

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...

Yarra · Yarra

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...

Woody2 · Woody2

Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...

Possum3 · Possum3

.......................................................

Possum3 · Possum3

Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...

Yarra · Yarra

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	The Bacon Tree (Preview) Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon." With rene...	Possum3	3	1109	07:09 PM Jan 30, 2017 by Woody n Sue
	A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the door (Preview) He opens it to find two sheriffs deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, Yes, I am.The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the mans wife.The guy says, Sure and gets a photo to show them.The deputy says, Im sorry, sir. But it looks like...	Yarra	1	912	12:29 PM Jan 30, 2017 by Blues Man
	The hair cut (Preview) A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically,"but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that sh...	Yarra	1	990	12:27 PM Jan 30, 2017 by Blues Man
	New Wife (Preview) Three friends married women from different parts of the world.The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai girl. H...	oldbloke	1	1287	12:13 PM Jan 30, 2017 by Blues Man
	Meet Clara..Australia's new Trade negotiator to the United States of Amerhicaaa... (Preview) This is Clara...she has been appointed by our Prime Minister to ""negotiate"" all Trade Deals with President Trump... You know,..... I think this is actually 'GOING TO WORK'....!...Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	1014	12:21 PM Jan 29, 2017 by Goldfinger
	Magic Sandals (Preview) A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..' So the married couple wa...	Possum3	0	905	09:52 AM Jan 29, 2017 by Possum3
	THE CLOCK! (Preview) A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."... "...	Possum3	1	1021	08:55 AM Jan 29, 2017 by Goldfinger
	g gays (Preview) as attached	Craig1	0	901	08:54 PM Jan 28, 2017 by Craig1
	Weel, this made me laugh...a tad off colour.... (Preview) Traffic Cop, entrapment.......her case would surely 'hold up' in Court....Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	808	07:50 PM Jan 28, 2017 by Goldfinger
	Confused drunk. (Preview) Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order...	Possum3	1	919	07:11 PM Jan 27, 2017 by erad
	The Chinese doctor. (Preview) This fellow has sharp pains in his backside, after visiting numerous Doctors the situation is not getting better. He talks to his mate about it who suggests that the Chinese doctor in the High St has been known to cure many things that others have failed to do. He takes himself off to the Chinese doc and e...	Magnarc	7	1088	10:52 PM Jan 26, 2017 by jade46
	Checking a horse prior to purchase. (Preview) A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...	Possum3	2	1032	06:56 PM Jan 25, 2017 by Blues Man
	Ferrari pit crew (Preview) The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...	Possum3	1	1116	07:43 PM Jan 24, 2017 by rockylizard
	The Will (Preview) Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...	Yarra	1	955	10:14 AM Jan 24, 2017 by Blues Man
	Car keys (Preview) Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...	Woody2	1	1073	05:53 PM Jan 23, 2017 by Felicia
	Lost Pen (Preview) .......................................................	Possum3	2	928	08:57 AM Jan 23, 2017 by Blues Man
	British Council Flats (Preview) Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...	Possum3	0	956	02:46 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Possum3
	The fastest thing (Preview) An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...	Yarra	0	850	02:37 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Yarra
	There are some things you just don't argue with....... (Preview) A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...	Goldfinger	0	856	01:14 PM Jan 22, 2017 by Goldfinger
	Waiting at the Doctors... (Preview)	aussie_paul	2	1217	09:18 PM Jan 21, 2017 by grahos
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