|
An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates...
(Preview)
An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates...for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book.Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
927
|
|
|
|
|
7 years Stranded Irishman
(Preview)
One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon."It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.Suddenly, emerging...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
1033
|
|
|
|
|
Pope Francis
(Preview)
Default Pope FrancisPope Francis recently finished his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.. A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next day.They noticed that the Pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind. So the next day, after his sermon, th...
|
Yarra
|
3
|
925
|
|
|
|
|
Old Butch
(Preview)
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.Each bell had a differen...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
1111
|
|
|
|
|
The Farmer. Oldie But A Goodie
(Preview)
A farmer decided* he wanted to go to town and see a movie.The ticket agent asked, "sir, what's that on your shoulder?The old farmer said, "that's my pet rooster chuck.Wherever i go, chuck goes." "i'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent "we can't allow animals in the theater."the old farmer went around...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
969
|
|
|
|
|
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door
(Preview)
It said, "this is not working. I'm going to my mothers." I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1088
|
|
|
|
|
A Day At The Horse Races....
(Preview)
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting...
|
kiwijims
|
2
|
1012
|
|
|
|
|
There is a new roll on deodorant out
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
0
|
941
|
|
|
|
|
Train Departure
(Preview)
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bit..es who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bit..es who are returning and want to...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
934
|
|
|
|
|
The Centipede
(Preview)
This bloke walks into a petshop and asks the attendant for a pet that requires absolutely no looking after. After a few moments the attendant tells him that they have a talking Centipede that does'nt need any attention. The bloke looks at him and says, "You're joking surely?" "Nope, its a fair dinkum t...
|
Magnarc
|
0
|
915
|
|
|
|
|
Cordless Drill
(Preview)
OK it did not wark -- Edited by PeterD on Sunday 23rd of October 2016 05:31:48 PM
|
PeterD
|
4
|
1081
|
|
|
|
|
A couple of funnies
(Preview)
*Pharmacist to customer:* *"Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription... Simply showing marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough."* *A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman - "Which book has helped you most in your life? Th...
|
Moorey
|
0
|
1021
|
|
|
|
|
Two wongs
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
0
|
889
|
|
|
|
|
EXPERT OCCUPATION !!
(Preview)
I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing. He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". I was impressed...... On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water .......Under his...
|
kiwijims
|
2
|
1369
|
|
|
|
|
Things aren't always what they seem " reader discretion required "
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
3
|
1404
|
|
|
|
|
Should have got an A+
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
11
|
1599
|
|
|
|
|
Old and Pregnant?
(Preview)
A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."And she did just that. She got pregnant and had a baby boy....
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1219
|
|
|
|
|
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy,
(Preview)
While not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1041
|
|
|
|
|
Gravity Defying Tequila
(Preview)
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The ast...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
922
|
|
|
|
|
Dead Irishman
(Preview)
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue play standing until Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Ok, me lads, s...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
997
|
|
|
