|
City Farme
(Preview)
A city type moves to the country and decides he wants to be a farmer. So he goes to the local farm shop and tells the man: "Give me 100 baby chickens."The farm shop worker complies. A week later the man returns and says: "Give me 200 baby chickens."Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says: "Giv...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
955
|
|
|
|
|
Ponderisms...
(Preview)
Thoughts to Ponder Number 9: Death is the number 1 killer in the world. Number 8: Life is sexually transmitted. Number 7: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 6: Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. [If you see a gleam in his...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1068
|
|
|
|
|
Ponder on these imponderables for a minute......
(Preview)
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?... 5. If...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1067
|
|
|
|
|
Chewing Gum
(Preview)
CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Austr...
|
Baggie
|
0
|
942
|
|
|
|
|
OLDIE
(Preview)
An award should go to the American Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. A crowded American Airline...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
897
|
|
|
|
|
IF WOMEN ONLY TRUSTED THEIR HUSBANDS!!!
(Preview)
---IF WOMEN ONLY TRUSTED THEIR HUSBANDS!!! There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... For example... A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts h...
|
Moorey
|
0
|
905
|
|
|
|
|
Tractors...
(Preview)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noduC7hjQyc Aussie Paul.
|
aussie_paul
|
4
|
1383
|
|
|
|
|
Two mathematicians...
(Preview)
Two mathematicians were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A female engineer walked by and asked what they were doing. Were supposed to find the height of this flagpole, said one, but we dont have a ladder. The engineer took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and la...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1328
|
|
|
|
|
Oops...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
787
|
|
|
|
|
Larry the fighter pilot
(Preview)
Larry the Fighter PilotA teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartm...
|
rgren2
|
0
|
1042
|
|
|
|
|
The Queens Breasts
(Preview)
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Phys...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
1035
|
|
|
|
|
Are my testicles black??
(Preview)
Black Testicles.Archie is lying in a hospital bed, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.Nurse, he mumbles from behind the mask, are my testicles black?Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I dont know, sir. Im only here to w...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
947
|
|
|
|
|
You live and learn!
(Preview)
Bert, 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, Notice anything different about me?Margaret, 75, looked him over.Nope.Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bat...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1017
|
|
|
|
|
The wall...
(Preview)
Mexicans were asked what they thought of Trump's proposed wall.They replied, "We're very upset ..... but we'll get over it." Aussie Paul.
|
aussie_paul
|
3
|
1270
|
|
|
|
|
The fifth parrot...
(Preview)
Three girls, Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school. They rediscover each other via Facebook and arrange to meet for lunch Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Gris. Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel n...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
919
|
|
|
|
|
Two Farmers
(Preview)
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass. After two hours Bob's wi...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1286
|
|
|
|
|
I wish....
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
955
|
|
|
|
|
Airport Restroom
(Preview)
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal.A man with no arms comes up to him and says: "Hey, can you give me a hand?" Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help.He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his ~ censor ~, which he is horrified to di...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
851
|
|
|
|
|
Auto-spell problems
(Preview)
Bloody 'auto-spell', it's your worst enema
|
Cadpete
|
1
|
1113
|
|
|
|
|
Wisdom from the Military Manuals
(Preview)
Wisdom from the Military Manuals 'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal ------------ --------- --------- --------- 'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' - U.S. Air Force Manual ----------- --------- --------- --------- 'Whoeve...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
859
|
|
|
