Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors, pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

An English tourist was driving through New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. A few kilometersfurther on he came upon a small town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, andthen took a look around the bar. He i...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd share...

kiwijims · kiwijims

Memorable Password Always choose a memorable password! A lady helps her husband install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, Selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife And with a macho gesture and a win...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander: At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensl...

Woody2 · Woody2

Sex life and Coca-Cola Two friends meet after many years ... They talk about their past life ... One asks the other: "And how's your sex life?? ...." "Good As Coca-Cola ......." "Oh great! .... Full of bubbles, eh?! ...." "Nothing like that! ..." Before it was 'NORMAL', Then it became 'LIGHT' ...

kiwijims · kiwijims

YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however,The patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn'tTold...

Bessie · Bessie

A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle. In terror, sh...

Yarra · Yarra

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7) 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, jus...

pipes · pipes

This lovely young lady was pedalling her pushbike along the street. Suddenly she hit a hole in the road, resulting in her hurting her vagina. Parking her bike, she walked, somewhat bow legged into nearby doctors office. On seeing a young doctor, she explained the problem and the pain. The doctor aske...

Moorey · Moorey

Have a Happy and Safe Easter Moorey

kiwijims · kiwijims

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, Ill bet the antelope gets away. The wife answered, If that antelope survives this one, Ill give you sex every day for the rest o...

Yarra · Yarra

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ... 38 revolver, so you will always remember me.""But grandpa, I really don't like guns ... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?""You lissina me,...

Possum3 · Possum3

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in. I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there? The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

Moorey · Moorey

Shortly it will become compulsory for senior citizens to carry not only their ID, but also their insurance documents, their prescription list, a compact version of their medical file, the statement declaring if they want to be resuscitated after a heart attack, stroke, etc. etc. Consequently, a...

June · June

'There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.' Lynn Lavner 'It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.' George Burns 'Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake...

Possum3 · Possum3

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider...

Possum3 · Possum3

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell fast asleep. When Brian awoke a few hours later he found a strange man was standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowi...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a locked chest on top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For al...

goldfinger · goldfinger

A woman was in a coma; she had been in it for months. One day nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	New seniors’ complex rules.. (Preview) On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors, pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."...	aussie_paul	2	994	04:28 PM Mar 29, 2016 by aussie_paul
	And now one for the New Zealanders... (Preview) An English tourist was driving through New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. A few kilometersfurther on he came upon a small town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, andthen took a look around the bar. He i...	aussie_paul	4	1017	10:35 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bryan
	No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile. (Preview) An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd share...	aussie_paul	2	965	09:47 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Yarra
	A Memorable Password (Preview) Memorable Password Always choose a memorable password! A lady helps her husband install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, Selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife And with a macho gesture and a win...	kiwijims	1	968	12:03 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	Bloody Queenslanders... (Preview) A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander: At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensl...	aussie_paul	1	1209	12:02 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	coca-cola (Preview) Sex life and Coca-Cola Two friends meet after many years ... They talk about their past life ... One asks the other: "And how's your sex life?? ...." "Good As Coca-Cola ......." "Oh great! .... Full of bubbles, eh?! ...." "Nothing like that! ..." Before it was 'NORMAL', Then it became 'LIGHT' ...	Woody2	1	901	11:53 PM Mar 28, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	THAT WILL TEACH THIS COPPER ...... (Preview) YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however,The patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn'tTold...	kiwijims	0	781	12:34 PM Mar 28, 2016 by kiwijims
	Horseback Rider (Preview) A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle. In terror, sh...	Bessie	0	1054	08:41 AM Mar 28, 2016 by Bessie
	Children Writing About the Ocean... (Preview) 1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7) 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, jus...	Yarra	3	1231	10:23 PM Mar 27, 2016 by Bryan
	The lovely young lady and the doctor (Preview) This lovely young lady was pedalling her pushbike along the street. Suddenly she hit a hole in the road, resulting in her hurting her vagina. Parking her bike, she walked, somewhat bow legged into nearby doctors office. On seeing a young doctor, she explained the problem and the pain. The doctor aske...	pipes	1	1046	09:44 PM Mar 27, 2016 by ST391GQ
	It"s Easter (Preview) Have a Happy and Safe Easter Moorey	Moorey	1	934	12:26 AM Mar 26, 2016 by June
	Drama in the Serengeti (Preview) A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, Ill bet the antelope gets away. The wife answered, If that antelope survives this one, Ill give you sex every day for the rest o...	kiwijims	3	1387	04:10 PM Mar 24, 2016 by kiwijims
	Wise Italian Grandfather (Preview) An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ... 38 revolver, so you will always remember me.""But grandpa, I really don't like guns ... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?""You lissina me,...	Yarra	0	1054	07:36 AM Mar 24, 2016 by Yarra
	Gym advice for seniors. (Preview) I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in. I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there? The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."	Possum3	0	984	06:04 PM Mar 23, 2016 by Possum3
	New USB Stick For Mature Travelers (Preview) Shortly it will become compulsory for senior citizens to carry not only their ID, but also their insurance documents, their prescription list, a compact version of their medical file, the statement declaring if they want to be resuscitated after a heart attack, stroke, etc. etc. Consequently, a...	Moorey	1	1262	08:25 PM Mar 22, 2016 by Baz421
	Quotes by famous people (Preview) 'There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.' Lynn Lavner 'It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.' George Burns 'Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake...	June	0	1114	11:00 AM Mar 22, 2016 by June
	Healthy Diet (Preview) Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill some Meat. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider...	Possum3	1	1142	09:14 PM Mar 20, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	Reincarnation (Preview) Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell fast asleep. When Brian awoke a few hours later he found a strange man was standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowi...	Possum3	0	1063	04:24 PM Mar 20, 2016 by Possum3
	Her Well-Kept Secret... (Preview) A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a locked chest on top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For al...	aussie_paul	0	978	03:28 PM Mar 20, 2016 by aussie_paul
	ASSUMPTIONS..... (Preview) A woman was in a coma; she had been in it for months. One day nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They w...	goldfinger	0	936	11:35 PM Mar 17, 2016 by goldfinger
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