|
Sylvester, Bruce and Arnold
(Preview)
Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster: The Great Composers. "I wanna be Vivaldi," said Stallone. "I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis. "What about you, Arnie?" they asked...
|
Whenarewethere
|
4
|
709
|
|
|
|
|
Up or down
(Preview)
At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fis...
|
Whenarewethere
|
2
|
583
|
|
|
|
|
Trim French Wives
(Preview)
Why are French Wives so thin? & it's not the croissants, foie gras, madeleines, cheese & wine to name a few. . They are constantly stressed about their husbands' having another affair!
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
468
|
|
|
|
|
A sign of the times...
(Preview)
|
peter67
|
0
|
482
|
|
|
|
|
Kill two birds with one stone
(Preview)
An assassin is making his way home when he stops at a village pub. He is driving a convertible and doesn't want to leave his "equipment" on display, so takes a long case into the pub with him. A short while later, a man sits next to him and they chat while enjoying their beers. Inevitably, talk turns to t...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
474
|
|
|
|
|
Late night lecture
(Preview)
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 in the morning... and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, 'I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.' The officer then asks, 'Really? Who is g...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
562
|
|
|
|
|
Start you bastard
(Preview)
|
Whenarewethere
|
2
|
506
|
|
|
|
|
Sex or football
(Preview)
I was watching Match of the Day last Saturday when the missus walks in and says 'fancy a sh4g?' 'I'm watching the football love' 'You do know that you can record it', she says. 'Cool, you grab the camcorder and I'll join you when the footy's finished'
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
493
|
|
|
|
|
In a vacuum (blond joke)
(Preview)
IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
395
|
|
|
|
|
Labiaplasty
(Preview)
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses c...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
446
|
|
|
|
|
Another blond joke
(Preview)
FINALLY...THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressive...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
406
|
|
|
|
|
Husband's temper
(Preview)
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
426
|
|
|
|
|
Caught out
(Preview)
My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman. "I want you to go!" she screamed. I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?" "Go on, I'm listening." she replied. I sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."
|
Whenarewethere
|
1
|
480
|
|
|
|
|
Naked at the beach
(Preview)
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburnt, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says snickering, if you were a gentlemen you'd lift your hat. He raised an eyebrow and replied, If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself.
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
473
|
|
|
|
|
Parrots again
(Preview)
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answ...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
475
|
|
|
|
|
Colonoscopy
(Preview)
Two blokes are chatting in their hospital beds. 'What are you in for?' says the first. 'Camera down the throat', the other replies. 'Oh, endoscopy?' the first man asks. 'Yes', he says. 'Checking for stomach cancer.' What about you? 'Camera up the back passage', he says. 'Oh, colonoscopy, checking...
|
Whenarewethere
|
0
|
434
|
|
|
|
|
Vale Australian Cricket
(
1 2
)
(Preview)
Goodbye Australian Cricket. After super captain announcement and the naming arrangements for Fridays Test, you have lost me. Denmark and Ireland will get my support now.
|
Craig1
|
37
|
1904
|
|
|
|
|
Melanoma
(Preview)
Hey people. Melanoma has been in the news heavily recently. I had three spots zapped last week. Can finally shave near the left jawbone now after one of them has settled down a bit. Just a reminder for all to consider making a booking, as at our (respective) ages, it is a critical medical visit I think. Th...
|
rmoor
|
5
|
480
|
|
|
|
|
Sex during lockdown
(Preview)
HOW TO HAVE SEX WHILE ON LOCKDOWN WITH THE KIDS IN THE HOUSE. The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities. He began his commentary as his parents put t...
|
Whenarewethere
|
2
|
582
|
|
|
|
|
Topless chics in short skirts
(Preview)
|
anolphart
|
0
|
309
|
|
|
