Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...

kiwijims · kiwijims

One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

A little girl asks her mother if she can take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please mum i'll keep her close.Go and see your father, he's down in the shed. Dad, can I take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please dad i'll look after her. Dad thinks a while. Ok wa...

Yarra · Yarra

I went fishing one morning down by the lake, but after a short time I ran out of prawn bait. Bugger! Then I saw a red-belly black snake with a frog in its mouth. I said to it, Good on yer, Cobber. (Frogs are really good barramundi bait.) Knowing that the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his m...

Yarra · Yarra

A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers then are doubt...

Pamela G · Pamela G

A young lad from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing... they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Blue how to...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red...

Bushpie · Bushpie

Husband and wife had been arguing for hours on the road. As they pass a herd of jackasses the wife quips "Relatives of yours" Husband ever so calmy replies............ "Yep...............in laws." -- Edited by Bushpie on Friday 1st of April 2016 09:41:19 AM

rgren2 · rgren2

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked :-2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman2 French men and 1 French woman2 German men and 1 German woman2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman2 C...

rgren2 · rgren2

Little Johnny !HonestyYup, some people cant handle the truth!My Favorite AnimalOur teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fr...

Woody2 · Woody2

I went to my nearby Whites Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.I said, "Yes! Could you please taste th...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why s...

goldfinger · goldfinger

One typically Western Queensland story, I've told before, that bears re-telling...as I laugh at it while I'm typing......... A DROVER WALKS INTO A WESTERN QLD BAR WITH HIS PET CROCODILE.......... A drover walks into a bar in Western Queensland with his pet crocodile by his side.. He puts the cr...

Woody2 · Woody2

Random Breath Test Bit of a slow day at the office, but you just never know where they will turn up! Box Yards Road between Ivanhoe and Booligal (about 100km north west of Hay in New South Wales).

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors, pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

An English tourist was driving through New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. A few kilometersfurther on he came upon a small town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, andthen took a look around the bar. He i...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd share...

kiwijims · kiwijims

Memorable Password Always choose a memorable password! A lady helps her husband install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, Selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife And with a macho gesture and a win...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander: At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensl...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Ronnie Corbett's best jokes (Preview) Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...	aussie_paul	2	1822	07:29 PM Apr 3, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	Another go at the Irish... (Preview) Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...	aussie_paul	1	1059	06:03 PM Apr 3, 2016 by Felicia
	Aussie outback sense of humour! (Preview) One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM	kiwijims	0	736	10:44 AM Apr 3, 2016 by kiwijims
	Can I take the dog for a walk (Preview) A little girl asks her mother if she can take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please mum i'll keep her close.Go and see your father, he's down in the shed. Dad, can I take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please dad i'll look after her. Dad thinks a while. Ok wa...	Hey Jim	0	835	08:19 AM Apr 3, 2016 by Hey Jim
	ANOTHER TALL TALE FROM AUSTRALIA (Preview) I went fishing one morning down by the lake, but after a short time I ran out of prawn bait. Bugger! Then I saw a red-belly black snake with a frog in its mouth. I said to it, Good on yer, Cobber. (Frogs are really good barramundi bait.) Knowing that the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his m...	Yarra	0	998	01:10 PM Apr 2, 2016 by Yarra
	Adoption Doubts (Preview) A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers then are doubt...	Yarra	0	908	10:51 AM Apr 2, 2016 by Yarra
	An Australian story (Preview) A young lad from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing... they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Blue how to...	Pamela G	1	871	07:52 AM Apr 2, 2016 by sarg
	Drinking in Galway, Ireland. (Preview) "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red...	aussie_paul	0	892	06:59 PM Apr 1, 2016 by aussie_paul
	DONT ARGUE (Preview) Husband and wife had been arguing for hours on the road. As they pass a herd of jackasses the wife quips "Relatives of yours" Husband ever so calmy replies............ "Yep...............in laws." -- Edited by Bushpie on Friday 1st of April 2016 09:41:19 AM	Bushpie	0	1050	09:40 AM Apr 1, 2016 by Bushpie
	On a desolate island (Preview) On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked :-2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman2 French men and 1 French woman2 German men and 1 German woman2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman2 C...	rgren2	0	896	09:36 AM Apr 1, 2016 by rgren2
	Little Johnny (Preview) Little Johnny !HonestyYup, some people cant handle the truth!My Favorite AnimalOur teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fr...	rgren2	0	905	11:23 PM Mar 31, 2016 by rgren2
	listen to your Doctor’s instructions. (Preview) I went to my nearby Whites Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.I said, "Yes! Could you please taste th...	Woody2	0	840	04:58 PM Mar 31, 2016 by Woody2
	Three jokes on a theme... (Preview) The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why s...	aussie_paul	0	869	04:05 PM Mar 30, 2016 by aussie_paul
	Another Queensland Regional Story.... (Preview) One typically Western Queensland story, I've told before, that bears re-telling...as I laugh at it while I'm typing......... A DROVER WALKS INTO A WESTERN QLD BAR WITH HIS PET CROCODILE.......... A drover walks into a bar in Western Queensland with his pet crocodile by his side.. He puts the cr...	goldfinger	0	797	12:17 AM Mar 30, 2016 by goldfinger
	Random Breath Test (Preview) Random Breath Test Bit of a slow day at the office, but you just never know where they will turn up! Box Yards Road between Ivanhoe and Booligal (about 100km north west of Hay in New South Wales).	Woody2	3	1362	11:43 PM Mar 29, 2016 by goldfinger
	New seniors’ complex rules.. (Preview) On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors, pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."...	aussie_paul	2	1003	04:28 PM Mar 29, 2016 by aussie_paul
	And now one for the New Zealanders... (Preview) An English tourist was driving through New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. A few kilometersfurther on he came upon a small town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, andthen took a look around the bar. He i...	aussie_paul	4	1028	10:35 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bryan
	No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile. (Preview) An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd share...	aussie_paul	2	975	09:47 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Yarra
	A Memorable Password (Preview) Memorable Password Always choose a memorable password! A lady helps her husband install a new computer. Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, Selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife And with a macho gesture and a win...	kiwijims	1	977	12:03 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
	Bloody Queenslanders... (Preview) A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander: At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensl...	aussie_paul	1	1225	12:02 AM Mar 29, 2016 by Bruce and Bev
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