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Airport Bar....
(Preview)
I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 Melbourne International Airport, when this Chinese bloke comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those Martial Arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?" He says, "No,.. why the fluck you ask me that? ...Is it...
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goldfinger
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0
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902
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Un welcome visitor
(Preview)
Tom took his dog to the vet.Doctor, he said sadly, Im afraid Im going to have to ask you to cut off my dogs tail.The vet stepped back:Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?Because my mother-in-laws arriving tomorrow, and I dont want anything to make her think shes welcome.
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Woody n Sue
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0
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20810
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....now I did not know this...why the Olympics are so named..
(Preview)
..From the Olympic website: Did you know this, I didn't........ 2500 years ago a slave call-girl from Sardinia named Gaedophamee ..pronounced 'Get-offa'-me, was attending a great athletic festival in Greece. This Festival had no name at that time... In those days the athletes performed naked....
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goldfinger
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0
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950
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Men are uncomplicated creatures, and by nature happier.....tongue slightly in cheek..
(Preview)
,Men are uncomplicated creatures, and by nature happier...... Our last name stays put... The garage is all ours.... Car mechanics tell us the truth... Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.... The same hairstyle lasts for years....even d...
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goldfinger
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0
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1007
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One employee has to go
(Preview)
A manager is in a pickle.He was told he must lay off one person from his staff.Jack Butler and Helen Doyle are the lowest seniority people and have the least experience, but they are so equal in performance, attendance, and potential, that he cant choose.So he decides to watch them both, and the first o...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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998
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Guard dog
(Preview)
A Woman Wanted To Get A Dog For Protection. What Happened When She Got It Is Priceless.February 19, 20161My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection.As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, He doesnt like men.Perfect, my sister-in-law thought, an...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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974
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Footy Ticket
(Preview)
Hi Everyone. A mate of mine has got a ticket for Wales v England in France next month. The problem is, when he applied for the ticket he wasn't aware of the date and unfortunately it falls on his bloody wedding day, so he wants to know if anyone is interested in getting married?
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Wombat 280
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0
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891
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Circus elephant
(Preview)
A married couple takes their son to the circus.After a while the father gets up to get some popcorn.While he is away the little boy notices something hanging down between the elephants legs.Mommy, what is that hanging down on the elephant? he asks.The embarrassed mother says Oh, thats nothing honey...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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870
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Interesting factoids
(Preview)
If Hilary Clinton wins the U.S. presidential election, it will be the first time in history that two U.S. presidents have slept with each other! If Donald Trump wins the U.S. presidential election, it will be the first time in history that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a bla...
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Palebushman
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0
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925
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Irritations ..
(Preview)
A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse." The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to w...
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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1116
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Bill Shortonbrains.
(Preview)
Bill Shorten was asleep in his house and awoke to see Menzies' ghost. He asked, "Bob, how can I make this country better?" Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers like I did." Shorten went back to sleep, this time he woke to an image of John Howard at the end of his bed. He asked, John, how can I m...
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rgren2
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2
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1088
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Just learning. Aust outback fishing
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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896
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Shingles
(Preview)
- Bubba had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba: Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked h...
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Woody2
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0
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1083
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Modern wedding
(Preview)
DAUGHTER TEXTS DAD ON MODERN MARRIAGE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT"Daddy, I am coming home to get married, soon. Get out your check book.LOL. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on What...
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Woody2
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0
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1065
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About my Avatar
(Preview)
Hi .. This old clip is where I clipped my Avatar from. It always gives me a laugh
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Cupie
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0
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1019
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The Blonde
(Preview)
So the blonde thought she was now smart enough to feed herself, so she got dressed, walked down the street & into the local library. She walked up to the counter & announced in a loud voice, " I'll have a Big Mac, Coke & Fries thanks. " The librarian glared at her & whispered forcefully, "...
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jimfox
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0
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1010
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A man told his doctor
(Preview)
A man told his doctor he wasnt able to do all the things around the house like he used to.When the examination was complete, he said:Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.Well in plain English, the doctor replied, youre just lazy.Okay, said the man.Now give me the medical term so I can te...
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Yarra
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0
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1006
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A toothpaste factory had a problem.
(Preview)
They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering compa...
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Yarra
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3
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1521
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St. Peter's Dilemma
(Preview)
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.While waiting, they began to wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.When St. Peter ar...
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Yarra
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0
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982
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Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
(Preview)
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.My ...wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1275
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