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DAFFY DEFINITIONS
(Preview)
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper, with fire at one end, and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelors degree, and a woman gains her masters. LECTURE: An art of transmitting information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of stude...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1151
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
Jewish Comedians. Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humour.Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below: A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"The man says, "I make a good living." I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-i...
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aussie_paul
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0
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955
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Golf club notice
(Preview)
Sign posted at a local golf club: ADVICE FOR MEMBERS AND GUESTS 1. Keep your back straight, knees bent, and feet shoulder width apart 2. Form a loose grip 3. Keep your head down 4. Avoid a quick back swing 5. Stay out of the water 6. Try not to hit anyone 7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahea...
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gumpybsc
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2
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905
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Service fee
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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896
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Oh dear I think I have OCD
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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703
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Marriage is Sharing
(Preview)
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. H...
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Yarra
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1
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994
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What Kind of Course?
(Preview)
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority - figu...
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Yarra
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2
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1038
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Mechanical problem
(Preview)
The old grey nomads were a little concerned about a strange noise that was coming from under the tug somewhere. Mr grey nomad suggested they stop at the next town so that he could get underneath and see what is going on, and Mrs grey nomad thought not a bad idea as they were running low on groceries. They ca...
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gumpybsc
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1
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1236
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...Ohhhh I do like to swing beside the seaside..I do like to hang beside the sea...XxcarexX
(Preview)
...Grandpa just wades...cos' he can't swim for nuts!.........some dried arrangements deserve never... to be seen....... Alright...Alright...I'm taking myself to the naughty corner.....Hoo Roo
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goldfinger
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3
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1036
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Laws not taught in physics class
(Preview)
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being wat...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1069
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
Advertisement In Shop: Guitar, for sale...Cheap...no strings attached. On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking.... I Gave Up Reading My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses....
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aussie_paul
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0
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930
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Sad horse
(Preview)
A horse walks up to the bar and the barman asks "Why the long face?"
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gumpybsc
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0
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943
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The Spiritualists Society
(Preview)
The old grey nomad caravanned into the town and decided to stop there for the evening as it was getting late and he needed to rest. He parked his rig in a quiet shady spot and went for a short stroll to stretch his legs. Shortly he came upon the town's local hall, where there must have been some sort of meetin...
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gumpybsc
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1
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982
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GETTING OLDER -- EVERY DAY
(Preview)
My goal for this year was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go. Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Gri...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1141
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Paint the church
(Preview)
An old grey nomad caravans into town and needs to make a few bucks as he's sailing fairly close to the wind and needs to stock up on fuel and groceries. He gets word from a couple of friendly locals he meets in the pub that the local parish priest is looking for a volunteer to paint his church. The next mornin...
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gumpybsc
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1
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986
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Best Septic Tank Cleaner
(Preview)
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Plain Truth
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0
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947
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Stop or slow down what's the difference
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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5
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1100
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Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a
(Preview)
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would l...
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Yarra
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0
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882
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You just have to appreciate this one.
(Preview)
Wal-Mart Senior Greeter Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired..... Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded an...
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aussie_paul
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0
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803
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After having been told my danglies....
(Preview)
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UKAFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy...
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aussie_paul
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4
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1518
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