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Thar she blows
(Preview)
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland? One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" So I apologized...
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kiwijims
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1
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871
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Seenager
(Preview)
SEENAGER I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I dont have to go to school or work. I get an allowance (pensions). I have my own pad. I dont have a curfew.I have a drivers license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars. The pe...
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astroid60
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4
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1431
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Bill shorten well probably any of our so called leaders really
(Preview)
METHINKS THIS HAS BEEN ADAPTED TO COVER OUR PAST 4 X LEADERS, HOWEVER, WHY NOT AGAIN ! Bill Shorten walked into a bank to cash a chequeWhen hes called over to the teller, he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"The teller r...
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Woody n Sue
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3
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943
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THERE AR TIMES WHEN>
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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2
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1049
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The Barter System
(Preview)
Yesterday morning I bought two cases of beer on sale at the Beer Store.I placed them on the front seat and headed back home.I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.Although it was very cold she was wearing a very short skirt and a light jac...
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Yarra
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1
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1041
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Free Entry
(Preview)
There was an Englishman, A Scotsman & an Irishman who all wanted to attend the Olympic Games but had no money for a ticket. The Englishman had an idea & he picked up a long pole he saw lying on the ground, tucked it under his arm & walked up to the gate & said, "Gibson, England, pole v...
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kandagal
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0
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1249
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What do you do in a 4 horse race ? Tell a joke .. Good ole NZ - Aussie banter ..
(Preview)
http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/racing/72356960/new-zealand-racing-commentator-takes-pop-at-wallabies-while-calling-race
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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843
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A telephone call to the vet.
(Preview)
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour's male dog while the neighbour was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. ... However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds...
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Possum3
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0
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883
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What I want in a man
(Preview)
What I Want In A Man! Original List: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car d...
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spida
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1
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1016
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The winking problem....
(Preview)
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal, you've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normal...
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Goldfinger
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2
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838
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Sheepish
(Preview)
-- Edited by rockylizard on Wednesday 23rd of September 2015 11:26:41 AM
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rockylizard
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0
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905
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Complete or finished what's the difference
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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928
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Tweet of the week
(Preview)
Winner of Chicago Tribune's best tweet of the week:"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby."
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Yarra
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0
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945
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Did I read it right
(Preview)
Did I read that sign right? . . . (An oldie but a goodie.)TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK...
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Spydermann
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0
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1242
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A few quickies by a 75 year old, sorry I meant 7.5 years.
(Preview)
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She re...
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Young Simmo
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0
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1025
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I guess this says it .. Bad moon rising .. Aha
(Preview)
Naughty but ok ? Aha -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:14:50 PM -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Saturday 12th of September 2015 10:16:31 PM
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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880
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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
(Preview)
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant? Bessie thinks a minute and says, &...
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Yendorane
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0
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870
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Drafting Guys Over 60........
(Preview)
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're a...
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June
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2
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1124
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The Gay Farm Hand
(Preview)
A successful farmer died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, butknew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in thenewspaper for a farm hand. Two farm hands applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk....
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Yarra
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2
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1725
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Dad and Dave
(Preview)
Dad and Dave was a bit of a skit on the radio back in the 1940s & 50s. It used to be on most evenings, and was about the life and adventures of a Victorian outback farmer and his son. Dave started out as a little boy, and grew into a big boy, and when he was about 18 he married Mable. The story goes like this. J...
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Young Simmo
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0
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1099
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