|
GOLFERS
(Preview)
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 999 on his mobile, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. &q...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
810
|
|
|
|
|
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband
(Preview)
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident "The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's terrible!!! So many men dying that way!"Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
909
|
|
|
|
|
Safety Chain Connection
(Preview)
|
Redlander
|
3
|
1059
|
|
|
|
|
SEX AFTER 50
(Preview)
After nearly 40 years of marriage, Harvey was lying in bed one evening, when his wife felt Harvey begin to massage her in ways he hadnt in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and nec...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1196
|
|
|
|
|
MORE PADDY LAUGHS
(Preview)
Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choic...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
788
|
|
|
|
|
Kids notice the damnest things
(Preview)
A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on...
|
D and D
|
0
|
884
|
|
|
|
|
Smiles - politically not very correct
(Preview)
Subject: Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please." Prince Harry says he doesn't want the usual fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss; he's still going. ...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
0
|
814
|
|
|
|
|
ARE WE TH ONES WITH DEMENTIA MENTIA? ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING? REALLY?
(Preview)
ONE Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1367
|
|
|
|
|
Little Johnny
(Preview)
A teacher asked the class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating. The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not 'fascinating'. Sally raised her han...
|
Moorey
|
2
|
961
|
|
|
|
|
A Drunk man
(Preview)
A drunk man is questioned by a police officer at midnight, asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health." Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of ni...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
968
|
|
|
|
|
JUST JOKING !!!
(Preview)
Here's a few jokes, received from others, "Don't blame me", if you think they're not to your taste !! "THEY'RE JOKES" for crying out loud !! Now, if any of these pictures offend you, USE THE ON/OFF SWITCH !! You will find it saves a lot of bad feeling and stupid remarks by those,...
|
kiwijims
|
3
|
1250
|
|
|
|
|
Reversing hint
(Preview)
http://www.digitaltrends.com/cars/vw-trailer-assist-feature-ad/?&utm_term=DT%20Newsletter%20-%20Daily%20Subscribers
|
Cupie
|
1
|
1052
|
|
|
|
|
WHEN YOU FEEL STUPID READ THIS
(Preview)
-- If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live fo...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
1351
|
|
|
|
|
BANNED FROM PETS R US
(Preview)
Subject: Banned from PetsRUs Pensioner's reply re PetsRUs Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local PetsRUs store buying a large bag of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I h...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
2
|
959
|
|
|
|
|
HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP
(Preview)
HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mist...
|
Cruising Cruze
|
0
|
870
|
|
|
|
|
Lady Friends
(Preview)
Lady Friends 4 older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too lon...
|
Cruising Cruze
|
0
|
934
|
|
|
|
|
Reincarnation
(Preview)
I was explaining to my **fe last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." Will be out of hospital next week
|
Yarra
|
0
|
698
|
|
|
|
|
British Engineering
(Preview)
Only in America!!!Subject: BRITISH ENGINEERING FROM ROLLS-ROYCE STAFF MAGAZINE Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story).. Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximu...
|
Magnarc
|
7
|
1749
|
|
|
|
|
THE MIDDLE WIFE
(Preview)
Subject: Fw: : The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. ( not me I taught the bigger kids, that knew everything ) ...
|
Douglas Leigh
|
1
|
947
|
|
|
|
|
Football & the Blond
(Preview)
Football & the Blond Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best -- because it makes football make sense! A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really l...
|
Cruising Cruze
|
0
|
880
|
|
|
