Just Joking

Baggie · Baggie

These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...

goldfinger · goldfinger

My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...

Yarra · Yarra

The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

goldfinger · goldfinger

Another blonde one.......with a twist..this blonde is intelligent/quick witted... A blonde was sent on her way to Heaven where, upon arrival, a concerned St. Peter met her at the 'Pearly Gates'. "I'm sorry". St Peter said. 'But Heaven is suffering from a complete overload of 'goodly souls' and w...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

The missus bought a Paperback,down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upo...

Woody2 · Woody2

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education. You do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."And so it hap...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Family Court Ruling from Perth Western Australia A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keepin...

Woody2 · Woody2

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The old...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

ANIMAL JOKESARMY JOKESBLONDE JOKESCRIME JOKESDEATH This Guy Was Buying Dog Food For His Pet. What One Woman Asks Him Will Blow You Away.January 22, 20161Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was ab...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

A boss says to a blonde waitress, Could you please fill up the salt dispenser?An hour later shes still at it, so he asks, What happened, why is it taking so long?She whips back, Do you know how hard it is to get the salt through those little holes -- Edited by Woody n Sue on Tuesday 24th of May 2016 08:10:41 P...

Yarra · Yarra

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THE...

Yarra · Yarra

LIONS SEX Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?" "Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!

goldfinger · goldfinger

IRISH REMORSE....... APOLOGY FROM AN IRISH HOSPITAL...... Dear Mr Murphy Esq. We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on the shaft of your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was found to be lipstick. We deeply regret the amputation we carr...

gumpybsc · gumpybsc

The old grey nomad had been jackarooing on a remote property in outback Queensland for the past month when suddenly a brand new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie leans out the window and asks the old grey nom...

Baggie · Baggie

Fred & Jim had joined the army coz they were no good as anything else so they thought the army was a secure way of a job. Well it didn't matter what job they were given by the Sarge, they still managed to stuff it up some how. The sarge was fed up with them so he was looking for a job that was within their minu...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near. "I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest. The nurse sent the request to par...

Delta18 · Delta18

Another year has passed And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter And winter seems much colder. There was a time not long ago When life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand About 'Living in the Past' We used to go to weddings, Football games and lunches.. Now we go to funeral homes And af...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

John Glenn - As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ************************************************************** Desmond Tutu - When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible an...

gumpybsc · gumpybsc

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks "A beer please, and one for the road."

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Oldies but Goodies. (Preview) These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...	Baggie	0	784	03:52 PM May 26, 2016 by Baggie
	A Senior Driver who no longer required a Driving Licence??.... (Preview) My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...	goldfinger	0	823	01:49 PM May 26, 2016 by goldfinger
	A Preacher is at his dying church members bed (Preview) The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...	Yarra	0	818	10:55 AM May 26, 2016 by Yarra
	Ok so I'm ducking for cover on this one (Preview)	Woody n Sue	1	963	07:40 PM May 25, 2016 by grahos
	An oldie perhaps..however very Australian... (Preview) Another blonde one.......with a twist..this blonde is intelligent/quick witted... A blonde was sent on her way to Heaven where, upon arrival, a concerned St. Peter met her at the 'Pearly Gates'. "I'm sorry". St Peter said. 'But Heaven is suffering from a complete overload of 'goodly souls' and w...	goldfinger	0	931	01:32 PM May 25, 2016 by goldfinger
	FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES.. (Preview) The missus bought a Paperback,down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upo...	aussie_paul	4	1292	01:29 PM May 25, 2016 by aussie_paul
	Broken hearted lawyer (Preview) A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education. You do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."And so it hap...	Woody2	2	994	09:18 AM May 25, 2016 by Bryan
	Family Court Ruling from Perth Western Australia (Preview) Family Court Ruling from Perth Western Australia A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keepin...	Woody n Sue	1	1461	09:14 AM May 25, 2016 by Bryan
	Country doctor (Preview) A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The old...	Woody2	1	892	10:04 PM May 24, 2016 by gumpybsc
	Dog food diet (Preview) ANIMAL JOKESARMY JOKESBLONDE JOKESCRIME JOKESDEATH This Guy Was Buying Dog Food For His Pet. What One Woman Asks Him Will Blow You Away.January 22, 20161Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was ab...	Woody n Sue	0	917	08:56 PM May 24, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	Blonde again (Preview) A boss says to a blonde waitress, Could you please fill up the salt dispenser?An hour later shes still at it, so he asks, What happened, why is it taking so long?She whips back, Do you know how hard it is to get the salt through those little holes -- Edited by Woody n Sue on Tuesday 24th of May 2016 08:10:41 P...	Woody n Sue	0	837	08:09 PM May 24, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	A Nun Grading Papers (Preview) PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THE...	Yarra	3	965	11:45 AM May 24, 2016 by Baggie
	Lions Sex (Preview) LIONS SEX Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?" "Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!	Yarra	1	1277	11:17 AM May 24, 2016 by gumpybsc
	Irish Remorse.......... (Preview) IRISH REMORSE....... APOLOGY FROM AN IRISH HOSPITAL...... Dear Mr Murphy Esq. We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on the shaft of your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was found to be lipstick. We deeply regret the amputation we carr...	goldfinger	0	882	10:51 AM May 24, 2016 by goldfinger
	The jackeroo (Preview) The old grey nomad had been jackarooing on a remote property in outback Queensland for the past month when suddenly a brand new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie leans out the window and asks the old grey nom...	gumpybsc	3	1448	09:49 PM May 21, 2016 by Dunmowin
	Digging a hole (Preview) Fred & Jim had joined the army coz they were no good as anything else so they thought the army was a secure way of a job. Well it didn't matter what job they were given by the Sarge, they still managed to stuff it up some how. The sarge was fed up with them so he was looking for a job that was within their minu...	Baggie	0	940	08:03 PM May 21, 2016 by Baggie
	Gotb it Right in One (Preview) An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near. "I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest. The nurse sent the request to par...	Wombat 280	0	854	06:18 PM May 21, 2016 by Wombat 280
	Getting older.... (Preview) Another year has passed And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter And winter seems much colder. There was a time not long ago When life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand About 'Living in the Past' We used to go to weddings, Football games and lunches.. Now we go to funeral homes And af...	Delta18	1	891	09:16 PM May 20, 2016 by gumpybsc
	Philosophers of the Century. (Preview) John Glenn - As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind: every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ************************************************************** Desmond Tutu - When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible an...	aussie_paul	3	1301	08:41 PM May 19, 2016 by Bryan
	Bar joke: Asphalt (Preview) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks "A beer please, and one for the road."	gumpybsc	0	882	10:24 AM May 19, 2016 by gumpybsc
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