Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo

Yarra · Yarra

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...

Ontos45 · Ontos45

Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...

nimrod · nimrod

Must have been VERY cold

Joe50 · Joe50

Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...

Phillipn · Phillipn

In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...

Yarra · Yarra

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell ran...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...

rockylizard · rockylizard

http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2

Yarra · Yarra

Ron, at 70 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golfshoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round,he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided towear them home to show the misses.Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen andsaid to h...

Yarra · Yarra

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 3. Since she cant get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also...

Yarra · Yarra

Sign of the times

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I pointed to two old drunks across the Bar from us and told my mate, "That could very well be us in another ten years." He said, "That's a mirror, you Dickhead...... Hoo Roo

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was just reading that there is substantially more money being spent on Breast Implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimers' research...... This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, and dried arrangements sporting huge erections, ....and abs...

Peter1059 · Peter1059

RETIRED HUSBAND After retiring, George's wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to TESCO. (a British Supermarket Chain) Unfortunately, like most men, George found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse.....

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Sex and Calories... (Preview) I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	893	10:34 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The young doctor (Preview) A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...	Yarra	0	751	07:33 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Yarra
	He saved her life....... (Preview) Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...	Goldfinger	0	757	05:12 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Tarzan not know sex (Preview) Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...	Ontos45	1	943	09:35 PM Aug 3, 2015 by Dodge
	A cold day in the desert (Preview) Must have been VERY cold	nimrod	0	823	06:21 PM Aug 3, 2015 by nimrod
	Automatic confession service (Preview) Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...	Joe50	3	832	09:33 AM Aug 3, 2015 by 2weis
	Bed Ridden (Preview) In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...	Phillipn	1	804	01:18 PM Aug 2, 2015 by Ontos45
	....may offend some... (Preview) Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...	Goldfinger	0	896	12:39 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	My mistake... (Preview) Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM	Gunsondeck	8	1540	12:18 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	An Oirish Story...as only the Oirish can tell it... (Preview) An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...	Goldfinger	0	862	12:34 AM Jul 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	12 Priests (Preview) Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell ran...	Yarra	1	877	09:20 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Hey Jim
	RETIRED MAN'S JOB.... (Preview) A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...	Goldfinger	2	783	06:56 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	IRISH LOGIC..... (Preview) IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...	Goldfinger	1	1040	06:49 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	Don't groan .... simply smile and move on ..... (Preview) http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2	rockylizard	0	943	04:32 PM Jul 28, 2015 by rockylizard
	New golf shoes (Preview) Ron, at 70 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golfshoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round,he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided towear them home to show the misses.Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen andsaid to h...	Yarra	0	683	12:21 PM Jul 28, 2015 by Yarra
	30 Actual Sentences Found In Patients Hospital Charts. Is #17 Serious? (Preview) 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 3. Since she cant get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also...	Yarra	0	772	12:12 PM Jul 28, 2015 by Yarra
	Visit To Grandma These Days (Preview) Sign of the times	Yarra	1	876	08:47 PM Jul 25, 2015 by Dunmowin
	At the Bar.... (Preview) I pointed to two old drunks across the Bar from us and told my mate, "That could very well be us in another ten years." He said, "That's a mirror, you Dickhead...... Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	1	850	06:14 PM Jul 24, 2015 by Felicia
	Where are our Research Priorities?..... (Preview) I was just reading that there is substantially more money being spent on Breast Implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimers' research...... This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, and dried arrangements sporting huge erections, ....and abs...	Goldfinger	0	732	10:52 AM Jul 23, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Shopping (Preview) *RETIRED HUSBAND* After retiring, George's wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to TESCO. (a British Supermarket Chain) Unfortunately, like most men, George found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse.....	Peter1059	1	1055	09:10 AM Jul 23, 2015 by done dreaming
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