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Cyanide....
(Preview)
A nice, calm and most respectable lady went into the local pharmacy, walked straight up to the pharmacist, looked him straight in the eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide please".... The pharmacist was incredulous.."Why on earth do you need cyanide?" The lady replied: "I need to poison my...
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goldfinger
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0
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1228
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Chinese sick leave...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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1201
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It’s the World Cup Final
(Preview)
Its the World Cup Final and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. No, says the neighbour. The seat is empty. This is incredible, said the man. Who in t...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1181
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Greeny..........Printed F word used....
(Preview)
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goldfinger
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0
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951
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Little Billy
(Preview)
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy say...
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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993
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CLEVER WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE (It’s a bit American)
(Preview)
1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds. 2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage. 3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through. 4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do. 5. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinet...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1084
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Body Massage....
(Preview)
I cleaned this one up just for the Forum.....I can be couth! The Italian fellow said: "Lasta night I massaged my beautiful wife all over her body with the finest olive oils....then we made mad passionate love and I made her scream non-stop for five minutes..... The Frenchman said: "Ahhhh oui....I h...
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goldfinger
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0
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1266
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Cheap Flights.....
(Preview)
Bruce was in the pub having a beer with his mates. He was telling them: "My wife walked into our study last night and asked me what I was doing on the computer. I explained to her that I was looking for cheap flights.... Well she became quite 'lover-dovey' very quickly....and she said "I love you Bruce and...
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goldfinger
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0
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1008
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Old Lady Is Pulled Over For Going Too Slowly...
(Preview)
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1110
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JOKES - ENJOY!
(Preview)
A guy goes to his doctor and tells him hes having trouble doing the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: Now Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me. Well, in plain English, the doctor replied, youre just lazy. OK, said th...
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aussie_paul
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1
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942
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New underwear
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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3
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1085
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Puns For Educated Minds
(Preview)
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whisky-maker but he loved her still. 4. A rubber-band pistol was confi...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1171
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Waiting at the Pearly Gates....
(Preview)
A Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a bloke who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.. Saint Peter addresses this cool dude, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?' The bloke replies, 'I'm Jim, r...
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goldfinger
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2
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1324
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Young Irish Mary being married on Saturday...a tad naughty....
(Preview)
Hendo ,that was a good'n re Paddy Murphy...and of course reminded me of one of my favourite slightly off colour Irish story's...... Young Irish girl, Mary, being married to Paddy on Saturday, and goes to see her Parish priest with a few vexing questions... "Father, I've seen Paddy in the raw...bu...
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goldfinger
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1
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1057
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Paddy Murphy
(Preview)
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he's walking with a limp. 'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender. 'Michael O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy. 'That little O'Co...
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Hendo
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0
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992
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XYZ Bank:
(Preview)
XYZ Bank - This is Brilliant Cancel Credit cards prior to death! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January, and XYZ Bank billed her for February and March for the...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1605
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Doesn't that little Johnny ever get out of Grade 3...?..innovative
(Preview)
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship...er salespersonship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout Cookies and I made $30"...she said proudly. "my sales approach was to appeal to the custo...
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goldfinger
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0
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936
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Caring
(Preview)
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out. Are you okay, what's your name? It's John, and I'm okay thanks, I replied as I pulled myself out of the t...
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Yarra
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0
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926
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Irish Divorce..
(Preview)
The mother in law arrives home from shopping to find her son in law Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened?....what the hell happened?...I'll tell you what happened!...I sent an email to my wife Jean, telling her I was...
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goldfinger
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0
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1062
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The good ship Thruxton
(Preview)
Now some of you might remember when the American war ship Thruxton berthed at Outer Harbor in Adelaide back many years ago. Well, there were many American sailors itching to get acquainted with our Aussie girls and they made every attempt to do so. Well in this case, three sailors had met up with three s...
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Baggie
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0
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1015
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