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Horror movie
(Preview)
A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you fool." His wife asks him, "What are you watching?" Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
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leevin
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2
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801
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Golfer at the dentist
(Preview)
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry, I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done w...
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Yarra
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1
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799
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aplomb
(Preview)
His Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. * "May I ask you a question, My Lord?" "Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship. "I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am not too clear on." "Wh...
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Pete49
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4
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823
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cats
(Preview)
SO MANY CATS ? SO FEW RECIPES !!!!!!!
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rtv47
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4
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870
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Cuckoo clock
(Preview)
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls'. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started u...
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Yarra
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1
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985
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what kids come up with
(Preview)
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play...
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SLUG
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3
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976
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some times it pays
(Preview)
An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands . He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a beer, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place. Al...
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SLUG
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0
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768
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EX COMMANDO?
(Preview)
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got...
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The Doo crew
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1
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1165
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Where did I put that pen
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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726
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Anyone for quoits
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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670
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50 shades of
(Preview)
Subject: 50 Sheds today. Men's Shed - We had a novel experience at a recent meeting of our book club at the Men's Shed. One of our senior members, Ted Roberts who is himself an author lauded for his timeless work "Woodworking for Profit and Pleasure", came up with an interesting suggestion....
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dING
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1
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942
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WHAT'S THE NAIL FOR?
(Preview)
Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he...
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Yarra
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2
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770
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Its all in the wave
(Preview)
Regardless of what other peoples rigs are we always wave to all oncoming travelers and most times they wave back. The other day I made an observation that 4 x 4's with boats on top towing caravans rarely wave back when my wife came up with the obvious answer...... "they're boat people"
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madaboutled
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4
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1025
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Fortune Teller
(Preview)
In a darkened room, peering into a crystal ball, a fortune teller delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt about it. Prepare yourself to be a widow, your husband will die a terrible violent death this year." Visibly shaken, the young woman looked a...
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Cadpete
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0
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730
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The Brothel
(Preview)
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you sir?" she asked. The man replied, "I want to see Valerie." "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies...
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Yarra
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1
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762
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Two Statues
(Preview)
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hund...
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Yarra
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0
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718
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Lions
(Preview)
Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, "Do you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?".The other guy says, "Damn, I just joined Rotary."
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Hendo
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2
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1079
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Savaged on a Plane
(Preview)
Drinking on a plane... A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London . After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He rep...
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kiwijims
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0
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898
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An old but good one...
(Preview)
It was a dark and stormy night (of course) in Bass Strait a hundred years ago and two flashing lights were ominously coming closer and closer, each signalling in Morse Code as radio contact had been lost from lightning static. The first flashing light messaged: Please change your direction 15 degree...
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aussie_paul
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2
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964
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Robin Hood's deathbed
(Preview)
Robin Hood lay dying, and all the faithful gathered round. With his weak and fading breath, Robin asked Marion to bring him the best arrow from the quiver beside his bed, and then asked Little John to bring him his bow. He put the arrow to the bow and aimed through the open window into the generous green sw...
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Rob49
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1
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1064
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