Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

While stitching a cut hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working his cattle, the local Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Politicians <as it invariably does these days>...and their role as leaders. The o...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Old Mr. Geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside thatsaid: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know...

June · June

A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born: 'I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son' The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: 'I don't mean to be rude either but this is a fanny, not a f...ing photo copier' June C.

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

This is an oldie however I never fail to laugh when I tell it to myself on my own round the prospecting camp fire... A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race and buys a property wayyy out west..No electricity..no phones..no company. He has read everything he can, an...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A man and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a long passionate open mouthed kiss, and says to him, "I'll see you later dear" "And who the hell was that floozy?" says the wife. Tha...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish gentleman who had been going to the Western Wall to pray for a very long long time.. So she went to check it out. She went to The Western Wall and sure enough there he was, walking slowly up to the 'Holy Site'. She watched him pray and after about 45 minute...

Lesley F · Lesley F

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEycVMKoJo

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Breeding Bulls...................... My wife and I went to the Bathurst District Agricultural Show, and one of the first Exhibits we stopped at was the Breeding Bulls Section, We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached in front of a very muscular Bull that read THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

...an oldie but always worth another visit for us old chauvinistic Grey Nomads..... O..K. HONEY! WE'RE HERE! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I REALLY DO LIKE YOUR MOTHER! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW DEAREST.....whispers....mind your step butterfly.... Hooooo Roooooooo

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Lesley F · Lesley F

Hughes is a fanatical Carlton football supporter. We all know comedians embellish stories, this was amusing. Last year Jarrad Waite, Carlton's full forward was sitting in the front row of his show. Carlton had lost to Richmond, and Waite had kicked 6 points in a row. Dave Hughes deliberately stuff...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A chicken farmer went to the local bar.He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.""What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, " It is a special day for me. I am celebrating."&qu...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A man calls home to his wife and says,"Honey I have been asked to fly up to Cairns with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for the long weekend and you will appreciate this is a good opportunity for me to get 'that' promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack eno...

June · June

Can I buy you a drink? (let's hop in the sack) Let's just be friends. (Now that we have been to bed what else is there) Call me at the office. I live there. (I'm married) I miss you. (I have no more clean clothes. Come over and do the laundry) I'm divorcing my wife so I can marry you. (When Hell freezes over) I...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

One night a young bloke takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, he of course starts feeling a little horny, With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and broadly smiling he says to her, "Honey, would you have 'rumpy pump...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of Russian voters went to visit a school in Moscow to have a human chat with the pupils/kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the Russian people. At the end of his talk, there is a section for questions, and li...

Lesley F · Lesley F

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/the-puddles-pity-party-youtube-7-foot-singing-clown-hit-brings-his-charact...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

As you know it was St. Patrick's Day earlier this week, and I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you also know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities, often on the way home after a "social session' with family or friends...

JET · JET

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	We all know a few 'Post Turtles'....don't we??...... (Preview) While stitching a cut hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working his cattle, the local Doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Politicians <as it invariably does these days>...and their role as leaders. The o...	Goldfinger	0	671	09:49 AM Apr 8, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Dr. Geezer vs. Dr. Young.. (Preview) Old Mr. Geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside thatsaid: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know...	aussie_paul	1	1244	06:07 PM Apr 7, 2015 by Blues Man
	Mother-in-law (Preview) A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when the baby was born: 'I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son' The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: 'I don't mean to be rude either but this is a fanny, not a f...ing photo copier' June C.	June	1	871	07:25 PM Apr 6, 2015 by Kaid
	The bush party/bash.. (Preview) This is an oldie however I never fail to laugh when I tell it to myself on my own round the prospecting camp fire... A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race and buys a property wayyy out west..No electricity..no phones..no company. He has read everything he can, an...	Goldfinger	0	755	09:49 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The Mistress.. (Preview) A man and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a long passionate open mouthed kiss, and says to him, "I'll see you later dear" "And who the hell was that floozy?" says the wife. Tha...	Goldfinger	0	737	09:02 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Jewish Wisdom (Preview) A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish gentleman who had been going to the Western Wall to pray for a very long long time.. So she went to check it out. She went to The Western Wall and sure enough there he was, walking slowly up to the 'Holy Site'. She watched him pray and after about 45 minute...	Goldfinger	0	673	08:51 PM Apr 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Adam Hills sings our National Anthem (Preview) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEycVMKoJo	Lesley F	1	696	08:43 PM Apr 4, 2015 by JackieP
	MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS!!!! (Preview) 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a...	aussie_paul	0	769	11:41 AM Apr 3, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Breeding Bulls..... (Preview) Breeding Bulls...................... My wife and I went to the Bathurst District Agricultural Show, and one of the first Exhibits we stopped at was the Breeding Bulls Section, We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached in front of a very muscular Bull that read THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES...	Goldfinger	1	826	02:45 PM Apr 2, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	Their last argument...... (Preview) ...an oldie but always worth another visit for us old chauvinistic Grey Nomads..... O..K. HONEY! WE'RE HERE! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I REALLY DO LIKE YOUR MOTHER! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW DEAREST.....whispers....mind your step butterfly.... Hooooo Roooooooo	Goldfinger	0	963	05:19 PM Mar 31, 2015 by Goldfinger
	New slow cooker (Preview)	Woody n Sue	0	731	08:20 AM Mar 31, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	David Hughes at the comedy festival (Preview) Hughes is a fanatical Carlton football supporter. We all know comedians embellish stories, this was amusing. Last year Jarrad Waite, Carlton's full forward was sitting in the front row of his show. Carlton had lost to Richmond, and Waite had kicked 6 points in a row. Dave Hughes deliberately stuff...	Lesley F	0	835	11:34 AM Mar 29, 2015 by Lesley F
	What a coincidence? (Preview) A chicken farmer went to the local bar.He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.""What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, " It is a special day for me. I am celebrating."&qu...	aussie_paul	0	927	12:13 PM Mar 27, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Outsmart a woman......Are you kidding?..... (Preview) A man calls home to his wife and says,"Honey I have been asked to fly up to Cairns with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for the long weekend and you will appreciate this is a good opportunity for me to get 'that' promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack eno...	Goldfinger	0	895	10:47 PM Mar 25, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Man Talk (Translated) (Preview) Can I buy you a drink? (let's hop in the sack) Let's just be friends. (Now that we have been to bed what else is there) Call me at the office. I live there. (I'm married) I miss you. (I have no more clean clothes. Come over and do the laundry) I'm divorcing my wife so I can marry you. (When Hell freezes over) I...	June	3	894	06:44 PM Mar 25, 2015 by Goldfinger
	'Good Night Kiss'........ (Preview) One night a young bloke takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, he of course starts feeling a little horny, With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and broadly smiling he says to her, "Honey, would you have 'rumpy pump...	Goldfinger	0	740	03:20 PM Mar 24, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Vladimir Putin....... (Preview) Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of Russian voters went to visit a school in Moscow to have a human chat with the pupils/kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the Russian people. At the end of his talk, there is a section for questions, and li...	Goldfinger	2	938	01:03 PM Mar 24, 2015 by Goldfinger
	puddles pity party - am I ever gunna see your face again (Preview) http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/entertainment/sydney-confidential/the-puddles-pity-party-youtube-7-foot-singing-clown-hit-brings-his-charact...	Lesley F	0	976	10:20 PM Mar 23, 2015 by Lesley F
	St. Patrick's Day Personal Celebrations..... (Preview) As you know it was St. Patrick's Day earlier this week, and I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you also know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities, often on the way home after a "social session' with family or friends...	Goldfinger	1	749	09:36 PM Mar 23, 2015 by ballast2
	50 Shades of Grey (Preview)	JET	1	543	07:53 PM Mar 23, 2015 by Goldfinger
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