Just Joking

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...

rockylizard · rockylizard

TechnoGypsy · TechnoGypsy

Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...

The Doo crew · The Doo crew

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...

Karmics · Karmics

A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

DEAR DIARY-DAY 1. All packed up for the cruise ship---all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets,...really really exciting... Our Women's Group...'The Late Bloomers'...decided on this all- girls trip of a lifetime...it will be my first one..and I can't wait!! DEAR DIARY - DAY 2. Entire day at...

Gundog · Gundog

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office. The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm n...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, ...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained , "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will a...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewi...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

<Selling my stuff when I die..The older you are, and the longer you've been married, the funnier this is>..... One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff i...

Hendo · Hendo

"Mummy, what sort of bear am I?" "Why, you're a polar bear son" "Mummy, are you really sure?" "Yes son, you're a white cuddly wuddly polar bear, if you don't believe me, ask your father." "Dad, am I really a polar bear?" "Of course you are,...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

While walking down the street one day a Member of the Australian Federal Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and loses his life..... His soul arrives in Heaven and of course he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates entrance.. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. Before you settle in, it...

Joe50 · Joe50

(You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!) A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store's staff called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awake...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Few more of Maxine's better ones......Hoo Roo

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Will you remarry when I die (Preview) "Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....	Woody n Sue	2	947	11:06 PM May 3, 2015 by KFT
	Just Married (Preview) Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...	Hey Jim	0	857	10:46 PM May 3, 2015 by Hey Jim
	...... (Preview)	rockylizard	0	971	08:49 AM May 3, 2015 by rockylizard
	Outsmarting the Doctor.... (Preview) Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...	TechnoGypsy	0	834	01:00 PM May 2, 2015 by TechnoGypsy
	Brilliant musings of some well-known people...... (Preview) 1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...	Goldfinger	0	1281	09:43 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	German HGV Driver.... (Preview) An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...	Goldfinger	0	733	09:05 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Teenager wants a car (Preview) A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...	The Doo crew	0	713	11:41 AM Apr 30, 2015 by The Doo crew
	Ten Best Caddy Responses...some gems. (Preview) No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...	Goldfinger	0	911	05:56 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Drunk again? (Preview) A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...	Karmics	0	782	12:03 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Karmics
	A lovely thought provoking poem....... (Preview) I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...	Goldfinger	0	829	11:48 AM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The Women's Group..First Cruise... (Preview) DEAR DIARY-DAY 1. All packed up for the cruise ship---all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets,...really really exciting... Our Women's Group...'The Late Bloomers'...decided on this all- girls trip of a lifetime...it will be my first one..and I can't wait!! DEAR DIARY - DAY 2. Entire day at...	Goldfinger	0	783	11:32 AM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office (Preview) The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office. The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm n...	Gundog	3	1069	02:46 PM Apr 28, 2015 by grahos
	Ohhh this hurts (Preview) A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, ...	Woody n Sue	0	748	12:51 PM Apr 28, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	Good News Bad News (Preview) One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained , "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will a...	Woody n Sue	0	638	09:06 PM Apr 27, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	Neat trick (Preview) Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewi...	Woody n Sue	0	804	09:17 PM Apr 26, 2015 by Woody n Sue
	...Selling my stuff when I die....... (Preview) <Selling my stuff when I die..The older you are, and the longer you've been married, the funnier this is>..... One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff i...	Goldfinger	1	1193	05:45 PM Apr 26, 2015 by Myrlin
	Polar Bear (Preview) "Mummy, what sort of bear am I?" "Why, you're a polar bear son" "Mummy, are you really sure?" "Yes son, you're a white cuddly wuddly polar bear, if you don't believe me, ask your father." "Dad, am I really a polar bear?" "Of course you are,...	Hendo	0	779	03:41 PM Apr 25, 2015 by Hendo
	..as the Lion of Oz said...'Ain't it da truth'...'Ain't it da truth'.... (Preview) While walking down the street one day a Member of the Australian Federal Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and loses his life..... His soul arrives in Heaven and of course he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates entrance.. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. Before you settle in, it...	Goldfinger	0	990	10:13 AM Apr 25, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Catholic hospital bill (Preview) (You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!) A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store's staff called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awake...	Joe50	0	742	12:47 AM Apr 25, 2015 by Joe50
	Few more of Maxine's words of wisdom.. (Preview) Few more of Maxine's better ones......Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	809	06:01 PM Apr 22, 2015 by Goldfinger
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