Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...

rockylizard · rockylizard

http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2

Yarra · Yarra

Ron, at 70 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golfshoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round,he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided towear them home to show the misses.Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen andsaid to h...

Yarra · Yarra

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 3. Since she cant get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also...

Yarra · Yarra

Sign of the times

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I pointed to two old drunks across the Bar from us and told my mate, "That could very well be us in another ten years." He said, "That's a mirror, you Dickhead...... Hoo Roo

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was just reading that there is substantially more money being spent on Breast Implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimers' research...... This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, and dried arrangements sporting huge erections, ....and abs...

Peter1059 · Peter1059

RETIRED HUSBAND After retiring, George's wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to TESCO. (a British Supermarket Chain) Unfortunately, like most men, George found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse.....

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A mother and her 5 year old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland. The son <who had been looking out the window> turned to his mother and asked, "Mummy...mummy...if big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats...then why don't big planes have baby planes??" The moth...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I am hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know..... Some interesting views on Elderly Sex... 1. Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years...assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked....... 2. One nigh...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A forlorn looking bloke sits down at the Bar and orders schooner after pint after handle after middy..... "Is everything okay mate?" the bartender asks. The bloke replies "my wife and I got into an argument and she said she wasn't talking to me for a whole month!" Trying to put a p...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me. I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love....

Yarra · Yarra

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the Maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: "Excuse me my dear, my stoma...

Yarra · Yarra

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ..."I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid quest...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

<I have just returned from prospecting in W.A. consequently I have a new joke repertoire gleaned from the grizzly old prospectors sitting round our camp fire each night with their Green Ginger Wine until liquormortis set in..>.... A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who l...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Drover walks into a Bar in Western Qld with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the Bar and turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open the crocodile's mouth and place my 'manhood' inside...then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. "Then he...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

This is my new neighbour... Golf may be out for a few days. She's single... She lives right across the road. I can see her place from my deck. I watched as she got home from work thisevening. I was surprised when she walked across thestreet and up my driveway andknocked on my door. I rushed t...

Nomes · Nomes

Today I was on line researching camping tables for 1 but a bit bigger, I cruised various websites and found this one in Ray's Catalogue:Wild Country Aluminium Natural Table - Black, Slat Features & Benefits70 x 70cmEasy setup and pack upGreat to keep in the car for emergencies I want to know, what...

Phil C · Phil C

Three guys tee off at the local. Moses, Jesus and an old bloke. Moses is first, sweet strike on the ball and it hooks into the water. Damn he says, gets to the edge, parts the water and chips onto the dance floor. Birdies the par 4 Jesus tees next, same result as moses only the ball floats on the water, Jesus w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	RETIRED MAN'S JOB.... (Preview) A mate asked me, "and now that you are retired, do you have a part-time job......? I replied..."Well.....yes, I have become my wife's sexual adviser." "Somewhat shocked, he said " I beg your pardon, but what on earth do you mean by that......?" "Very simple...	Goldfinger	2	865	06:56 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	IRISH LOGIC..... (Preview) IRISH FIRE INSURANCE. A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was 2000 Pounds a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to their local Insurance Agency to obtain a quote to insure her wooden leg. The Irish Insurance Agent looked it...	Goldfinger	1	1134	06:49 PM Jul 29, 2015 by Felicia
	Don't groan .... simply smile and move on ..... (Preview) http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever?utm_source=tickld&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=twolinejokes&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2&ts_pid=2	rockylizard	0	1042	04:32 PM Jul 28, 2015 by rockylizard
	New golf shoes (Preview) Ron, at 70 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golfshoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round,he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided towear them home to show the misses.Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen andsaid to h...	Yarra	0	780	12:21 PM Jul 28, 2015 by Yarra
	30 Actual Sentences Found In Patients Hospital Charts. Is #17 Serious? (Preview) 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 3. Since she cant get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also...	Yarra	0	877	12:12 PM Jul 28, 2015 by Yarra
	Visit To Grandma These Days (Preview) Sign of the times	Yarra	1	966	08:47 PM Jul 25, 2015 by Dunmowin
	At the Bar.... (Preview) I pointed to two old drunks across the Bar from us and told my mate, "That could very well be us in another ten years." He said, "That's a mirror, you Dickhead...... Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	1	932	06:14 PM Jul 24, 2015 by Felicia
	Where are our Research Priorities?..... (Preview) I was just reading that there is substantially more money being spent on Breast Implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimers' research...... This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, and dried arrangements sporting huge erections, ....and abs...	Goldfinger	0	816	10:52 AM Jul 23, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Shopping (Preview) *RETIRED HUSBAND* After retiring, George's wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to TESCO. (a British Supermarket Chain) Unfortunately, like most men, George found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse.....	Peter1059	1	1134	09:10 AM Jul 23, 2015 by done dreaming
	All part of the job...and thank you for flying Qantas!... (Preview) A mother and her 5 year old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland. The son <who had been looking out the window> turned to his mother and asked, "Mummy...mummy...if big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats...then why don't big planes have baby planes??" The moth...	Goldfinger	0	895	09:44 AM Jul 22, 2015 by Goldfinger
	...... a few humourous takes on Elderly Sex.... a tad P/Incorrect. (Preview) I am hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know..... Some interesting views on Elderly Sex... 1. Actually you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years...assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked....... 2. One nigh...	Goldfinger	0	1069	09:14 AM Jul 22, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A forlorn looking bloke sits down at the Bar........ (Preview) A forlorn looking bloke sits down at the Bar and orders schooner after pint after handle after middy..... "Is everything okay mate?" the bartender asks. The bloke replies "my wife and I got into an argument and she said she wasn't talking to me for a whole month!" Trying to put a p...	Goldfinger	2	845	05:53 PM Jul 21, 2015 by Felicia
	True Love! (Preview) I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age, but eventually, there she was, standing beside me. I gave her a loving smile and said, "Get that trolley over here, Love....	Goldfinger	1	783	05:52 PM Jul 21, 2015 by Felicia
	Suspicious Wife (Preview) A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the Maid. So she laid down a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: "Excuse me my dear, my stoma...	Yarra	1	1020	11:17 AM Jul 21, 2015 by Phil C
	The Ministers Wife (Preview) Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ..."I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid quest...	Yarra	2	1063	08:31 PM Jul 20, 2015 by helnev
	Raisin bread..... (Preview) <I have just returned from prospecting in W.A. consequently I have a new joke repertoire gleaned from the grizzly old prospectors sitting round our camp fire each night with their Green Ginger Wine until liquormortis set in..>.... A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who l...	Goldfinger	1	1048	07:32 PM Jul 18, 2015 by Hey Jim
	A Drover walks into a Western Qld Bar with his pet crocodile....... (Preview) A Drover walks into a Bar in Western Qld with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the Bar and turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open the crocodile's mouth and place my 'manhood' inside...then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. "Then he...	Goldfinger	1	1186	04:34 PM Jul 18, 2015 by Yarra
	Carefull with this one ladies (Preview) This is my new neighbour... Golf may be out for a few days. She's single... She lives right across the road. I can see her place from my deck. I watched as she got home from work thisevening. I was surprised when she walked across thestreet and up my driveway andknocked on my door. I rushed t...	Woody n Sue	1	989	02:31 PM Jul 17, 2015 by Phil C
	A different funny (Preview) Today I was on line researching camping tables for 1 but a bit bigger, I cruised various websites and found this one in Ray's Catalogue:Wild Country Aluminium Natural Table - Black, Slat Features & Benefits70 x 70cmEasy setup and pack upGreat to keep in the car for emergencies I want to know, what...	Nomes	5	1989	07:32 PM Jul 15, 2015 by Nomes
	God and Golf (Preview) Three guys tee off at the local. Moses, Jesus and an old bloke. Moses is first, sweet strike on the ball and it hooks into the water. Damn he says, gets to the edge, parts the water and chips onto the dance floor. Birdies the par 4 Jesus tees next, same result as moses only the ball floats on the water, Jesus w...	Phil C	1	910	07:25 PM Jul 15, 2015 by Nomes
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