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Prize Winning Idiots of 2013
(Preview)
Number One"I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to b...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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949
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Lying to Kids Tactics....
(Preview)
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment wasto send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:'There's a car being...
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Vic41
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0
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700
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Sister Mary
(Preview)
Sister Mary walks in to the bar and says to the barman....."I'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker please and it's OK as its for Mother Superiors constipation"
Later in the day the barman was shocked to see the Sister sitting in the park absolutely zonked
"Didn't you say that whisky wa...
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robmac
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0
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655
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Black Bra - Size 38.....
(Preview)
The Business DealA Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for t...
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Vic41
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2
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876
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You have to hand it to them!
(Preview)
You have to hand it to them! Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announc...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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758
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The Lake...
(Preview)
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.So when P...
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Vic41
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0
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691
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contestant reply
(Preview)
Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show. I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that...
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Pete49
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2
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699
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TWO AUSSIE BUILDERS;
(Preview)
Two Aussie builders Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit. Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant. Eric: - No way - he...
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justcruisin01
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0
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967
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THE ITALIAN LOVER;;
(Preview)
The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom wher...
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justcruisin01
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0
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708
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PROUD AUSSIE'S;
(Preview)
If you had bought $1,000 of Qantas shares one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you bought $1,000 AIG shares one year ago, you would have$33.00 today! If you bought $1,000 worth of Lehman Brothers shares one year ago, you would have $0.00 today! BUT.... if you purchased $1,000 wo...
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justcruisin01
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0
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644
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The Last Kiss....
(Preview)
The Last Kiss A group of bikies were riding along the highway when they saw a girl about to jump of a bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past a policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,...
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Vic41
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0
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686
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World Cup refund
(Preview)
After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
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Gunsondeck
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1
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681
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How to keep a woman happy
(Preview)
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Kendo
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1
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734
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Seniors Wedding....(Been around before but still funny...)
(Preview)
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed f...
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Vic41
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4
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799
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BEE STING;;
(Preview)
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf When she suffered a bee sting.Her pain was so intense that she decided to return To the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and Asked, 'Why are you back in so early? W...
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justcruisin01
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1
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875
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BUS DRIVER;;
(Preview)
The Bus Ride Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend Trip to Sydney The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and The Blonde team rode on the top level. The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, Having a great time, when one o...
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justcruisin01
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0
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911
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Why I Like Retirement
(Preview)
WhyILike Retirement ! Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the bigg...
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barina
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0
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859
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It's Hell Getting Old...
(Preview)
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at...
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Vic41
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0
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666
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Trivia....
(Preview)
Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left? A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to pushbuttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealth...
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Vic41
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0
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734
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As I'v grown older....
(Preview)
As I have grown older: I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pi**ingeveryone off is a piece of cake. Condoms dont guarantee safe sex any more.. a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the womans husband. Lance Armstrong I think it is just terrible and disgusting how every...
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Dunmowin
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1
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835
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