Just Joking

dING · dING

Use the Taser Mick ------------- Use the bloody Taser -- Edited by dING on Tuesday 1st of April 2014 09:48:57 AM

Yendorane · Yendorane

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What can I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscat...

Vic41 · Vic41

Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise; Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts,...

Rob49 · Rob49

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I...

copper1 · copper1

MUM'S BIBLE. Four brothers left home for University, and they became successful doctors And lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They Discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to the Gold Coast . The first said, "You kn...

Yendorane · Yendorane

1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady?s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Fra...

Peterpan · Peterpan

I was driving this morning when I saw an RACV van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that man's heading for a breakdown. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. My girlfriend th...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the prayer."But I don't know how to pray," he replies..Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc.," says his father."Okay," stuttered the boy. "Dear Lord,... Thank you for our visitors a...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

There are times when the F word is not only desirable, But quite frankly it can be the ONLY word in the English language that accurately describes some situations. Check out the following examples. The word is 'FE...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best. The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had not a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge him. Th...

Vic41 · Vic41

The Theory of Intelligence Explained (over a beer) 'Well you see it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a wh...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy a shag Babe?" I said, "After the football love" She said, "You do realise that you can record it?" I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy fini...

Yendorane · Yendorane

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you just let...

Vic41 · Vic41

Two feral hoons were riding along the Nullabor on a motorbike. They broke down and started trying to hitch a lift for them and their motorbike. A friendly truckie stopped to see if he could help and they asked him for a lift. He told them he had no room in the rig because he was carrying 20,000 lawn bowls...

Hendo · Hendo

In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort" The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.

Hendo · Hendo

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, pubs and parties to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females are using a date-rape-drug on the market called BEERThe drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans or by the glass.The woma...

Yendorane · Yendorane

A senior citizens group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from Coffs Harbour to the Sunshine Coast. As they enter Queensland , an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!' The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go bac...

Peterpan · Peterpan

Says......Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted. Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. Man who swallow typewriter end up with irritable vowel syndrome.

Hendo · Hendo

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. A will is a dead giveaway. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end...

Vic41 · Vic41

Im off to Specsavers for my appointment. By the way you haven't shaved very well and your tie is crooked! -- Edited by Vic41 on Tuesday 25th of March 2014 10:31:43 PM

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Irish Police (Preview) Use the Taser Mick ------------- Use the bloody Taser -- Edited by dING on Tuesday 1st of April 2014 09:48:57 AM	dING	0	554	09:48 AM Apr 1, 2014 by dING
	Getting A Hairdryer Through Customs (Preview) A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What can I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscat...	Yendorane	0	732	09:18 AM Apr 1, 2014 by Yendorane
	Ed & Linda....A Love Story.... (Preview) Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise; Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts,...	Vic41	0	696	03:16 AM Apr 1, 2014 by Vic41
	A few more (Preview) The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I...	Rob49	1	711	04:36 PM Mar 31, 2014 by Peterpan
	Mum's Bible (Preview) MUM'S BIBLE. Four brothers left home for University, and they became successful doctors And lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They Discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to the Gold Coast . The first said, "You kn...	copper1	0	559	10:44 AM Mar 31, 2014 by copper1
	EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS (Preview) 1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady?s dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Fra...	Yendorane	0	874	09:34 AM Mar 31, 2014 by Yendorane
	Some more (Preview) I was driving this morning when I saw an RACV van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that man's heading for a breakdown. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. My girlfriend th...	Peterpan	0	443	09:56 PM Mar 30, 2014 by Peterpan
	NEVER FORCE CHILDREN TO PRAY; (Preview) At dinner, a little boy was asked to lead the prayer."But I don't know how to pray," he replies..Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc.," says his father."Okay," stuttered the boy. "Dear Lord,... Thank you for our visitors a...	justcruisin01	2	887	08:53 PM Mar 30, 2014 by D and D
	'F' Word (Preview) There are times when the F word is not only desirable, But quite frankly it can be the ONLY word in the English language that accurately describes some situations. Check out the following examples. The word is 'FE...	Gunsondeck	2	829	06:40 PM Mar 30, 2014 by dorian
	WHO'S THE BEST. (Preview) Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best. The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had not a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge him. Th...	Gunsondeck	1	573	05:43 PM Mar 30, 2014 by Vic41
	The Theory Of Intelligence Explained..... (Preview) The Theory of Intelligence Explained (over a beer) 'Well you see it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a wh...	Vic41	1	678	01:01 PM Mar 30, 2014 by JRH
	Watching the footy. (Preview) I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy a shag Babe?" I said, "After the football love" She said, "You do realise that you can record it?" I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy fini...	Gunsondeck	1	602	12:09 PM Mar 30, 2014 by Baz421
	Stud Rooster (Preview) A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you just let...	Yendorane	0	629	10:21 AM Mar 30, 2014 by Yendorane
	Nullabor Hoons.... (Preview) Two feral hoons were riding along the Nullabor on a motorbike. They broke down and started trying to hitch a lift for them and their motorbike. A friendly truckie stopped to see if he could help and they asked him for a lift. He told them he had no room in the rig because he was carrying 20,000 lawn bowls...	Vic41	0	559	08:38 PM Mar 29, 2014 by Vic41
	For the other Phile's (Preview) In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort" The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mother.	Hendo	2	743	01:19 PM Mar 28, 2014 by Brenda and Alan
	Date-Rape Warning (Preview) Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, pubs and parties to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman. Many females are using a date-rape-drug on the market called BEERThe drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans or by the glass.The woma...	Hendo	0	724	10:47 AM Mar 28, 2014 by Hendo
	Bus Trip (Preview) A senior citizens group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from Coffs Harbour to the Sunshine Coast. As they enter Queensland , an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!' The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go bac...	Yendorane	0	698	03:20 PM Mar 27, 2014 by Yendorane
	Confucius (Preview) Says......Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted. Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. Man who swallow typewriter end up with irritable vowel syndrome.	Peterpan	3	1112	11:00 AM Mar 27, 2014 by Peterpan
	For all the Lexophile's (Preview) When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. A will is a dead giveaway. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end...	Hendo	0	919	10:43 AM Mar 26, 2014 by Hendo
	Off To Specsavers.... (Preview) Im off to Specsavers for my appointment. By the way you haven't shaved very well and your tie is crooked! -- Edited by Vic41 on Tuesday 25th of March 2014 10:31:43 PM	Vic41	0	757	10:30 PM Mar 25, 2014 by Vic41
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