|
Car language
(Preview)
A daughter asked her dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, 2 lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper." Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and pulls ou...
|
sarg
|
0
|
813
|
|
|
|
|
Unusual funeral procession...........
(Preview)
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.A long black hearse was followed by a second hearse about 15 metres behind.Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind her...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
813
|
|
|
|
|
I'm afraid to use the toilet
(Preview)
someone had it in fore me
|
Rob49
|
0
|
797
|
|
|
|
|
REVISED WILL
(Preview)
A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night." My daughter walked into the living room and said to me, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Ple...
|
SLUG
|
0
|
744
|
|
|
|
|
OH NO.....NOT LITTLE JOHNNY AGAIN......
(Preview)
Teacher: children tomorrow I will ask you all what you want to be when you grow up, like a doctor or dentist or detective, think about it seriously. OK Next morning: well children you all must have thought about your profession or job when you grow up, so.....Susan tell us about your decision. Susan: I w...
|
Vanderee
|
0
|
889
|
|
|
|
|
IRATE COP
(Preview)
Cop car chasing a speeding car on the freeway; Cop turns on siren and flashing lights, drives alongside and the car; speeds up to 160 km the cop car on it's tail for 10 minutes, speeds up to 180 km, finally the driver pulls over; the irate cop drags the driver out of the car; " you saw me clearly and you...
|
Vanderee
|
0
|
695
|
|
|
|
|
JUST MISS UNDERSTOOD.....
(Preview)
Blonde just finishes showering and the door bell rings: She runs up to the door: who is it " ? Reply ; "the blind man" OK; "come on in" Blind man: "wow nicest pair I've seen for years: I am here to measure and quote for new blinds". Police dog: Cop runs into the shop...
|
Vanderee
|
0
|
642
|
|
|
|
|
MRS SHARMA IN INDIA....
(Preview)
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
882
|
|
|
|
|
How to wash a cat
(Preview)
|
Possum3
|
0
|
658
|
|
|
|
|
Fresh Bait
(Preview)
|
Possum3
|
0
|
677
|
|
|
|
|
Irishmen
(Preview)
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.... "Would you look at that !" says the first Irishman. "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are ?"...
|
jules47
|
0
|
735
|
|
|
|
|
Don't mess with old people
(Preview)
A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. 'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said. 'I'll bet a week's wage...
|
jules47
|
0
|
750
|
|
|
|
|
Language 101
(Preview)
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improveme...
|
Gunsondeck
|
2
|
1004
|
|
|
|
|
Discerning Policeman (compliments of SD)
(Preview)
Discerning Police Officer Three footy fans were walking back from the MCG when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of Jolimont Road. They stopped and discovered a nude female unconscious and near death so one of them phoned the police and also requested an ambulance. Out of r...
|
Vic41
|
4
|
1004
|
|
|
|
|
Family....(received from PhillT)
(Preview)
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watchin...
|
Vic41
|
4
|
1110
|
|
|
|
|
Glenelg - this one is for you.. and others who enjoy :-)
(Preview)
I seen this today and thought of you Dave 
|
roadtourer
|
1
|
737
|
|
|
|
|
ED
(Preview)
Ed walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee? ? for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, Ed opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. Ed presents it to his wife and asks her...
|
SLUG
|
0
|
819
|
|
|
|
|
A Woman Suggested.....
(Preview)
A woman suggests to her husband that she have surgery to make her breasts bigger. Her husband suggests she rub toilet paper between them as an alternative. How would that make my breasts bigger? she asks. I dont know, he replies. But it sure worked for your backside.
|
KFT
|
0
|
892
|
|
|
|
|
never felt safer
(Preview)
I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner and the black flag of ISIS in the centre.The localpolice, ASIO, ASIS and the other intelligence services are all watching my house 24/7. I've nev...
|
SLUG
|
1
|
928
|
|
|
|
|
Ha ha, a good one
(Preview)
Have a good chuckle. A Traffic Cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the legal speed limit and he asks the biker his name and licence. "Fred" he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he mi...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1011
|
|
|
