Just Joking

Vic41 · Vic41

Three dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces and the police call on the coroner to investigate. "First body," says the coroner, "Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 70, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the Smil...

dING · dING

UPSETTING NEWS RECEIVED: On average, an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese!

dING · dING

STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her. Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey The woman signalled 'No!', desperatel...

dING · dING

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as basketball player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK in large letters. "What's that for?" the lady questions. &quo...

reglynn · reglynn

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat,...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along whe...

Hurls · Hurls

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. " Jamie O'C...

Vic41 · Vic41

SLUG · SLUG

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn'...

SLUG · SLUG

Humour from the Brits - non P.C. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40. ITS A BOY," I shouted, "A BOY,...

Vic41 · Vic41

A cute little girl goes into a pet shop and says to the shopkeeper; "Pleeth Mithter, I'm wooking for a wittle Fuwwy Wabbit" The shopkeeper smiles and says to the little girl; "We have fuwwy bwown ones, fuwwy bwack ones and wittle fuwwy white ones. Which wabbit would you like" Th...

Recoup · Recoup

D and D · D and D

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never ea...

Redlander · Redlander

Centrelink Fairy A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Centrelink Offices. 'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by Tony Abbott to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children -- all costs to be borne...

SLUG · SLUG

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While h...

SLUG · SLUG

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

SLUG · SLUG

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I dont know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

SLUG · SLUG

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

SLUG · SLUG

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a Truck, with his hands at 10 to 2. The nurse asks him, 'Kenny! What are you doing?' Kenny replies, 'Can't Talk right now I'm driving to Melbourne !' The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Ke...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Smiling Stiffs.... (Preview) Three dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces and the police call on the coroner to investigate. "First body," says the coroner, "Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 70, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the Smil...	Vic41	1	671	08:22 AM Sep 26, 2014 by Bryan
	japanese (Preview) UPSETTING NEWS RECEIVED: On average, an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese!	dING	0	681	08:15 AM Sep 26, 2014 by dING
	First Aid (Preview) STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough. After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her. Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey The woman signalled 'No!', desperatel...	dING	0	725	10:51 AM Sep 25, 2014 by dING
	Sportsman (Preview) A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as basketball player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK in large letters. "What's that for?" the lady questions. &quo...	dING	0	707	10:49 AM Sep 25, 2014 by dING
	Bear Remover (Preview) A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat,...	reglynn	0	783	07:51 AM Sep 25, 2014 by reglynn
	Brian's the man... (Preview) A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along whe...	Gunsondeck	0	813	01:15 AM Sep 25, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Only the Irish have Jokes like these.......... (Preview) Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. " Jamie O'C...	Hurls	0	834	11:42 AM Sep 24, 2014 by Hurls
	Sign Above Urinal In Golf Course Men's Toilet... (Preview)	Vic41	5	1370	10:46 AM Sep 24, 2014 by aussie_paul
	THE BIKER (Preview) There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn'...	SLUG	0	915	09:03 PM Sep 23, 2014 by SLUG
	Humour from the Brits - non P.C. (Preview) Humour from the Brits - non P.C. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40. ITS A BOY," I shouted, "A BOY,...	SLUG	1	767	08:05 PM Sep 23, 2014 by rosa
	Little Girl and Pet Shop (Preview) A cute little girl goes into a pet shop and says to the shopkeeper; "Pleeth Mithter, I'm wooking for a wittle Fuwwy Wabbit" The shopkeeper smiles and says to the little girl; "We have fuwwy bwown ones, fuwwy bwack ones and wittle fuwwy white ones. Which wabbit would you like" Th...	Vic41	0	836	08:33 PM Sep 21, 2014 by Vic41
	Th Weels of Live (Preview)	Recoup	1	736	07:52 AM Sep 21, 2014 by Woody n Sue
	STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM - I would have given him 100% (Preview) Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never ea...	D and D	1	1022	03:34 AM Sep 21, 2014 by Reed
	Centrelink Fairy (Preview) Centrelink Fairy A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Centrelink Offices. 'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by Tony Abbott to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children -- all costs to be borne...	Redlander	0	844	08:24 AM Sep 19, 2014 by Redlander
	the escapee (Preview) A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While h...	SLUG	0	670	07:46 PM Sep 18, 2014 by SLUG
	speak the truth (Preview) At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.	SLUG	0	672	07:44 PM Sep 18, 2014 by SLUG
	blondes (Preview) Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I dont know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"	SLUG	0	683	07:42 PM Sep 18, 2014 by SLUG
	kids to day (Preview) Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"	SLUG	0	612	07:37 PM Sep 18, 2014 by SLUG
	9 months (Preview) John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's...	SLUG	0	679	07:31 PM Sep 18, 2014 by SLUG
	LIFE IN AN AUSSIE MENTAL HOSPITAL !!! (Preview) A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a Truck, with his hands at 10 to 2. The nurse asks him, 'Kenny! What are you doing?' Kenny replies, 'Can't Talk right now I'm driving to Melbourne !' The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Ke...	aussie_paul	5	5114	06:51 PM Sep 18, 2014 by aussie_paul
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