Just Joking

Hendo · Hendo

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighte...

Ontos45 · Ontos45

And they complain now about us having too much sugar...... Damn picture won't load...sorry -- Edited by Ontos45 on Sunday 19th of January 2014 12:58:11 PM

sarg · sarg

At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery ( Tasmania ), Tooheys ( New South Wales ), XXXX ( Queensland ), CUB ( Victoria ) and Coopers ( South Australia ) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch. When the wait...

rockylizard · rockylizard

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers......

Vic41 · Vic41

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second...

copper1 · copper1

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

copper1 · copper1

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin?... Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef.."

sandsmere · sandsmere

Just before the end of a school day the teacher says to the class " Don't forget tomorrow we have a very important examand it is absolutely compulsory for everyone to be here ." The only excuse for non-attendance is a death in the family or a severe illness ." Johnny stands and says "...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..' The clerk looked up Knicke...

bridget · bridget

Like

Hendo · Hendo

During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will d...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

copper1 · copper1

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit do...

Big Gorilla · Big Gorilla

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me&q...

bridget · bridget

rosco532 · rosco532

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared str...

rosco532 · rosco532

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827". Then he realizes t...

HOOK · HOOK

An old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And G...

Hendo · Hendo

I was in Somnia last month but didn't get much sleep. ( Your turn )

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME (Preview) My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighte...	Hendo	4	964	04:26 PM Jan 19, 2014 by The dog lady
	When cough medicine was medicine (Preview) And they complain now about us having too much sugar...... Damn picture won't load...sorry -- Edited by Ontos45 on Sunday 19th of January 2014 12:58:11 PM	Ontos45	0	544	12:57 PM Jan 19, 2014 by Ontos45
	TYPICAL BLOODY QUEENSLANDER............ (Preview) At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery ( Tasmania ), Tooheys ( New South Wales ), XXXX ( Queensland ), CUB ( Victoria ) and Coopers ( South Australia ) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch. When the wait...	sarg	1	719	11:33 AM Jan 19, 2014 by Ontos45
	Wedding (Preview) It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers......	rockylizard	2	462	11:21 AM Jan 19, 2014 by Ontos45
	The Psychiatrist On Obsessions..... (Preview) A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second...	Vic41	1	525	09:20 AM Jan 19, 2014 by jules47
	Paddy 2 (Preview) Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."	copper1	1	534	08:51 AM Jan 19, 2014 by GaryKelly
	Paddy (Preview) Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin?... Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef.."	copper1	0	455	08:52 PM Jan 18, 2014 by copper1
	Exams . (Preview) Just before the end of a school day the teacher says to the class " Don't forget tomorrow we have a very important examand it is absolutely compulsory for everyone to be here ." The only excuse for non-attendance is a death in the family or a severe illness ." Johnny stands and says "...	sandsmere	0	554	05:27 PM Jan 18, 2014 by sandsmere
	DIESEL FITTER; (Preview) Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..' The clerk looked up Knicke...	justcruisin01	3	696	11:32 AM Jan 18, 2014 by mongrel
	You just have to enjoy life......no matter what..lol (closed) (Preview) Like	bridget	7	1170	11:00 AM Jan 18, 2014 by Vic41
	Fortune Teller (Preview) During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will d...	Hendo	1	562	05:30 AM Jan 18, 2014 by extreme potato
	HHMMMMMMMMM! (Preview)	justcruisin01	1	635	10:45 PM Jan 17, 2014 by Bunkerbob
	Dr's Visit (Preview) A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit do...	copper1	0	531	09:11 AM Jan 17, 2014 by copper1
	MISPLACED MY GLASSES (Preview) Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me&q...	Big Gorilla	2	609	05:02 PM Jan 17, 2014 by Bryan
	I love chocolate..only a male would think like this ..lol (Preview)	bridget	7	672	01:54 PM Jan 17, 2014 by JRH
	Romantic Dinner (Preview) A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared str...	rosco532	0	547	08:03 PM Jan 16, 2014 by rosco532
	For Music Lovers (Preview) A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827". Then he realizes t...	rosco532	0	428	09:37 AM Jan 16, 2014 by rosco532
	Miracle of God (Preview) An old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in...	HOOK	1	562	12:23 PM Jan 16, 2014 by sarg
	AN EXPLANATION OF LIFE; (Preview) On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And G...	justcruisin01	1	672	12:20 PM Jan 16, 2014 by sarg
	Places I've been # 2 (Preview) I was in Somnia last month but didn't get much sleep. ( Your turn )	Hendo	9	815	11:48 AM Jan 16, 2014 by Hendo
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