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Oil change instructions
(Preview)
Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee, read free paper.3) 15 minutes later, swipe the Visa and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $40.00 Coffee: $...
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Westcoast
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2
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1084
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Mum's Licence
(Preview)
Mother's Driver's License A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date. 'Mummy, the little girl asks, 'how old are you?' 'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age', the mother replied. 'It's not polite'. 'OK', the little girl says, 'What colour was your hair 2 years a...
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Hurls
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0
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1002
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Irish thoughts
(Preview)
did you about the irishman who thought Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats also thought Ertha Kit was a set of garden tools and Stuff all was a stately home oldies but goodies
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scooner
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0
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859
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Why men don't vaccum.....
(Preview)
Either it's out of petrol or the plugs need cleaning....
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Vic41
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1
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787
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What My Mother Taught Me (Oldie but a goodie)
(Preview)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.' 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . 'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.' 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to...
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Vic41
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2
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958
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MARRIAGE HUMOR
(Preview)
MARRIAGE HUMOR Marriage Humor Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificatefor an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ------------------------------- Wife : ...
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Hurls
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0
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826
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CHECK FOR ALZHEIMER'S
(Preview)
CHECK FOR ALZHEIMER'S The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry atHarvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 60 years of age cannot do it! 1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3....
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Hurls
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0
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595
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Some Wise Words on Marriage
(Preview)
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.King David After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.Sasha Guitry By all means marry.If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.If you get a bad o...
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Hurls
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0
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1474
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The Working Mans Anthem
(Preview)
THE NEW AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEMAustralians all let us rejoice The weekend now is near We've worked all bloody week for this Dear God let's get a beer. Our desks abound in paperwork Our hands are stained with ink In desperate stage, we'll fly the cage Advance to Friday drinks!! With joyful strains,...
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kiwijims
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0
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785
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My Dad's the fastest
(Preview)
Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dads way faster than any of yours, he can throw a 90-mph fast ball from the pitchers mound and run and catch it just after it crosses the plate!" One of the other bo...
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kiwijims
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0
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730
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Award winning joke
(Preview)
An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's
testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in
another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking...
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kiwijims
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6
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1749
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Some women know how to parallel park.....
(Preview)
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Vic41
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15
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1136
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Obama meets the Queen...
(Preview)
Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport , President Obama strides out to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London , where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards Buck...
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Vic41
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0
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776
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Longest Password.....
(Preview)
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Vic41
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5
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971
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OUCH !!!!!!
(Preview)
After an alleged visit to the Pleasure Parlour Federal politician Craig Thomson allegedly notices green lumps on his willy. So, off he goes to the doctor. Thats serious, says the doc. You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears? Yes, says Thomson, nodding seriously. Well, says the doc, youve got b...
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sarg
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0
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654
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THE IRISH MIRROR
(Preview)
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin .In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a pictu...
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sarg
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0
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790
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Bath Night In Scotland
(Preview)
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath,but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," sh...
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rosco532
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5
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1342
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The taxman commeth
(Preview)
The Australian Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him. ATO Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been wi...
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Joe50
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0
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741
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Heard some where
(Preview)
Suck baby suck blows only an expression
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Cowboy7307
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0
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756
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Milk Train.....
(Preview)
A man was a train passenger, minding his own business, when the gorgeous young woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, Eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later, the baby was sti...
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Vic41
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2
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813
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