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THE OVER WEIGHT IRISHMAN :;
(Preview)
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lb...
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justcruisin01
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1
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754
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First Drink
(Preview)
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint. Got him a Coopers Pale Ale ...... he didn't like it - I had it. Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it so I had it. It was the same with Guinness and Cider....
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Hurls
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2
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622
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What goes up hill with 3 legs?
(Preview)
"Don't mess with us old people." A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could put one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wan...
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sherbert
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1
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822
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Have a Safe Christmas
(Preview)
Have a great Christmas season but please also take care. With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social sessi...
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Hurls
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3
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743
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Medical advice
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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1
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722
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Lost Blonde
(Preview)
A blonde gets lost in Sydney and calls the NRMA for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of 'Walk' and 'Do Not Walk.' "
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copper1
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0
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638
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A blonde in church
(Preview)
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolera...
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sarg
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0
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640
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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
(Preview)
By Pam Ayres of course.. The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag; ... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me w...
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sarg
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0
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750
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The confessional box
(Preview)
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of bu...
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reglynn
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1
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682
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The Portsmouth Woman
(Preview)
A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australi...
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reglynn
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0
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541
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Christmas time
(Preview)
It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu." Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita. Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged. "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch...
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barina
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1
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627
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A Christmas Story (oldie but goodie)
(Preview)
A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit. When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa...
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GaryKelly
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1
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703
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1st Christmas Joke
(Preview)
First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. H...
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Hurls
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0
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710
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Marriage
(Preview)
Marriage (Part I )Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: 'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won...
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GaryKelly
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2
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1083
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On his death bed...
(Preview)
Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons. "So", he says to them:"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza." "Hymie, I wan...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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693
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A White Christmas
(Preview)
This Christmas, please drink responsibly sit down so you dont spill any!
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Hurls
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0
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573
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PADDY;
(Preview)
Paddy texts his wife... "Mary, Im just having one more pint with the lads. If Im not back in 20 minutes, read this message again."
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justcruisin01
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3
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819
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MATING CALL;
(Preview)
Mating Call Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off h...
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justcruisin01
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1
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665
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THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING;
(Preview)
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladiesand Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from LondonHeathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, rela...
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justcruisin01
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1
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759
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TURKEY SANDWICHES;
(Preview)
Don't eat turkey sandwiches, no matter what ! ! A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought turkey sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, unt...
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justcruisin01
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1
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645
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