|
Financial advise the kiwi way
(Preview)
Just imagine... If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Air New Zealand one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in the AA one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Canterbury Finance one year ago,you would have $0.00 to...
|
Aus-Kiwi
|
0
|
593
|
|
|
|
|
Mick and Paddy
(Preview)
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name?" Mick replies "Miles, from Sydney."
|
copper1
|
0
|
509
|
|
|
|
|
Ear, Ear...
(Preview)
A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anes...
|
Gunsondeck
|
0
|
634
|
|
|
|
|
TGIF
(Preview)
T-SHIRT A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. Tee-shirt. 'Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?' 'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front.''
|
Hurls
|
1
|
601
|
|
|
|
|
A blond goes to heaven ....
(Preview)
Apologies if you have seen this one ... A Blonde goes to Heaven. An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an En...
|
chaslib
|
0
|
652
|
|
|
|
|
Rabbit Resuscitation...
(Preview)
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got o...
|
copper1
|
0
|
593
|
|
|
|
|
Crows [important study]
(Preview)
The Australian National University in the ACT did a study on dead crows found along the Monaro Highway and after a 3 year study they determined that the following information collected was the major cause of death......... The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during t...
|
sarg
|
1
|
715
|
|
|
|
|
Out of the mouths of babes
(Preview)
Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a Passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and Started t...
|
gerard gue
|
0
|
397
|
|
|
|
|
JEWISH MODESTY
(Preview)
Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner. Catholic: "I have a large fortune. I am going to buy Citibank!" Protestant: "I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!" Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince. I intend to purchase Micro...
|
sarg
|
0
|
451
|
|
|
|
|
The Helpful Mother-in-law
(Preview)
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishin...
|
sarg
|
0
|
561
|
|
|
|
|
Jesus drove a Honda
(Preview)
|
copper1
|
4
|
744
|
|
|
|
|
No Sex Since 1955
(Preview)
A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very s...
|
copper1
|
3
|
736
|
|
|
|
|
Viagra
(Preview)
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is called amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...
|
copper1
|
3
|
772
|
|
|
|
|
Beethoven's Chicken
(Preview)
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
|
copper1
|
1
|
621
|
|
|
|
|
SMS codes for seniors:
(Preview)
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair FWIW - Forgot Where I Was LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
|
copper1
|
1
|
642
|
|
|
|
|
Lone Rangers Last Request
(Preview)
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "W...
|
Hurls
|
5
|
914
|
|
|
|
|
The Deaf Wife Problem
(Preview)
Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea ab...
|
sarg
|
1
|
695
|
|
|
|
|
The Wheels Of Life
(Preview)
|
sarg
|
4
|
889
|
|
|
|
|
Mates
(Preview)
A Testimony to True Friendship A man brings his best mate home for dinner unannounced at 5.30 p.m. after work. His wife screams at him as his friend listens in, "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas, and I can't be bothered with cookin...
|
Hurls
|
3
|
669
|
|
|
|
|
Bruce
(Preview)
Watch out for these 13 year olds. Little Bruce and Jenny are only 13 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want t...
|
Hurls
|
3
|
688
|
|
|
