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Oh for a magic lamp
(Preview)
ow to live forever.A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever." "Sorry," said t...
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JayDee
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Excerpts From a Cat's Diary
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Excerpts From a Cat's DiaryBy: mysplitpersonalityWritten on February 13th, 2008Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my...
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tcp99
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A blonde...
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Beth54
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Toothbrushes
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The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appe...
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Hurls
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TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!!
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An elderly Lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The operator said, "Sta...
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sarg
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THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US, WILL IT????
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house togetherOne night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the s...
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sarg
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664
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YELLOW 24
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A man goes into a doctor's office feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home an...
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sarg
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THE FART
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Sweet Little Poem. A fart is a pleasant thing... It gives the belly ease... It warms the bed in winter... And suffocates the fleas. <mime-attachment.gif> A fart can be quiet... A fart can be loud... Some leave a powerful... Poisonous cloud <mime-attachment.gif> A fart c...
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sarg
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A RUSSIAN VISITING CARD EXPLAINED
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All right, as promised, the explanation of the 'Russian visiting card'. I know very few of you had difficulty with it but, for the two or three who did, here is the original, along with its meaning. A RUSSIAN VISITING CARD: VYISDER ASZMENI ORZESARZES AZDERIZ ORZES B. Corsz Zeris Vunarz Perorze An...
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Chazza
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We are Awesome
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No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us, WE ARE AWESOME!!!OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF!!! To Those of Us Born1925 - 1970 ~~~~~~~~~TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or dr...
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Hurls
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1219
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Pub Sign
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For a collection of witty Pub Signs click here for the album.
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GaryKelly
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Worried about your age?
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http://cdn.signspotting.com/wp-content/main/2013_07/IMG_0464.JPG
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dorian
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732
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a mael
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http://cdn.signspotting.com/wp-content/main/2013_07/a%20lower%20prostitute%20is%20soaked.jpg-- Edited by dorian on Monday 22nd of July 2013 10:29:08 AM
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dorian
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BLOND & IRISH;
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On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can get through."...
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justcruisin01
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Old & Wise
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Older is Great An old woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get: Parkinson's or Alzheimer?" The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinson's - better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."
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Hurls
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Grandma's Oranges
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Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandma know...
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Hurls
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Questions
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These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) ________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get win...
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jules47
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Unkown Ship
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Unknown ship...... Unkown ship....... you are on a collision course with us and we suggest you alter you track by 35 degrees to the West. "This is the USS Warrior, in response to your last transmission, we suggest that you alter YOUR course by 35 degrees to the East. Hello USS Warrior, thank you fo...
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Mark
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Beam Me Up Scotty!!
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A True Storey As part of my job a while ago I had to attened court to give evidence for the prosecution, normally in support of the Police or Insurance Companies. On this particular day a rather beligerant Male entered court dressed as Captian Kirk of the USS enterprise. As we all stood as the judge walk...
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Mark
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Batman!!
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Mark
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