|
To Be Irish
(Preview)
A Muslim was sitting next to Bill on a plane. Bill ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Bill handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a c...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
856
|
|
|
|
|
Now i don't feel quite so stupid! Hope this works!
(Preview)
AND MY FAVOURITE ... As soon as this happens ......... I feel that we should retire with dignity.......
|
nomadic1
|
5
|
931
|
|
|
|
|
PIRATES
(Preview)
 SO, A PIRATE WALKED INTO A BAR ⦠A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened?  You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have th...
|
sarg
|
0
|
635
|
|
|
|
|
Tonsilectomy versus Circumcision
(Preview)
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operation.... Theirs will be first on the schedule. The older boy leans over and asks, "What are you having done?" The second boy says, "I'm getting my t...
|
GaryKelly
|
1
|
547
|
|
|
|
|
PAY BACK!
(Preview)
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight.Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'The vet decided to keep he...
|
justcruisin01
|
2
|
761
|
|
|
|
|
who ' da thunk it
(Preview)
Talking to my Greek Goddess Mate in Adelaide at th week end .She told me this bit of Greek history .She actually had to tell me in Greek first , before she could actually translate it . I never knew this. It is an amazing fact A slave girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnam...
|
Zoomtopz
|
2
|
862
|
|
|
|
|
LITTLE JOHNNY;
(Preview)
Julia Gillard was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Ms Gillard if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'. So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy' A li...
|
justcruisin01
|
1
|
600
|
|
|
|
|
Little Old Lady
(Preview)
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter.The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management want...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
721
|
|
|
|
|
The Highest Human Position In The World ~
(Preview)
The Highest Human Position In The World ~ Do you know who holds the highest position in the world? President Barack Obama? Nope. Pope Benedict? Nope. The Dalai Lama? Nope. Do you want to see WHO that person is ? Until Now.... Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India , is the cult hero of Dubai'...
|
Hoodathunkit
|
2
|
776
|
|
|
|
|
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh.....
(Preview)
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh... "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient..." "Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest penis the nurse...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
812
|
|
|
|
|
How to start a fight...
(Preview)
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ______________________________...
|
Hoodathunkit
|
0
|
1130
|
|
|
|
|
Your morning chuckle...
(Preview)
A man boarded a plane with six kids.After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?""No Ma'am, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."I wish I could think that fast.
|
Hoodathunkit
|
0
|
629
|
|
|
|
|
Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)
(Preview)
Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless) Read it all the way through!It's a good laugh!AND really quite true!! A good laugh for people in the over 50 group !!! When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, ta...
|
Hoodathunkit
|
0
|
837
|
|
|
|
|
Blame
(Preview)
BLAME How the world works lately... If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work, He blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, Your family blames the Tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes Into a tree while driving home drunk, H...
|
Hurls
|
0
|
625
|
|
|
|
|
Grandparents Answering Machine
(Preview)
GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please Leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp .... If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "birth arrival" so we know who it is. If you need us to sta...
|
Hoodathunkit
|
2
|
730
|
|
|
|
|
Screams of Passion
(Preview)
A little Aussie humour... An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virginolive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, n...
|
Hurls
|
0
|
681
|
|
|
|
|
how to start the day on a positive
(Preview)
Open a new file in your computer.Name it "Julia Gillard".Send it to the Recycle Bin.Empty the Recycle Bin.Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of Julia Gillard?"Firmly Click "Yes."Feel better?Tomorrow we'll do Wayne Swan!
|
jimbo
|
0
|
654
|
|
|
|
|
Old Age
(Preview)
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between the sobs and snif...
|
rockylizard
|
0
|
601
|
|
|
|
|
DREAMER!
(Preview)
Gillard was asleep in her house and awoke to see Menzies' ghost. She asked, "Bob, how can I make this country better?" Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers like I did."Gillard went back to sleep, this time she woke to an image of John Howard at the end of her bed. Sh...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
651
|
|
|
|
|
THE IRISH BIC LIGHTER
(Preview)
The Irish Bic Lighter Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar. Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light. 'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. 'My God, man!...
|
sarg
|
1
|
821
|
|
|
