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At the movies
(Preview)
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there...
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jules47
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0
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529
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Mt. Rushmore closed
(Preview)
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GaryKelly
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1
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662
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The Seminar
(Preview)
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?" All the women raised their hands.Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.The women were then told to take the...
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jules47
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0
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554
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710 thingy
(Preview)
A blonde came in to the auto workshop and asked for a seven-hundred-ten thingy. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What in the world is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the part that's right in the mid...
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GaryKelly
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6
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925
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Mathematics
(Preview)
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that mi...
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copper1
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0
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1087
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Church
(Preview)
An elderly couple was attending a church service. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband. "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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copper1
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1
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692
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GPS - a poem
(Preview)
I have a little GPS I've had it all my life It's better than the normal ones My GPS is my wife It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's sixty k's an hour", it says "You're doing sixty five" It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it...
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Dunmowin
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2
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1567
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Sounding the horn
(Preview)
A mate sent a few of these which I've made into an album. You can see the rest here.
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GaryKelly
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2
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801
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GOD SAID TO ADAM
(Preview)
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley."Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, &q...
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sarg
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6
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1295
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Horses
(Preview)
"WHY DO HORSES FART WHEN THEY BUCK?????????" * * * *BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO ACHIVE FULL HORSE POWER WITHOUT GAS ...
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copper1
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1
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819
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Seniors and Computers
(Preview)
SENIORS & COMPUTERS........... As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons an...
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GaryKelly
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1
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745
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THE GIRAFFE TEST
(Preview)
THE GIRAFFE TESTThis test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok if you get none right you better go for counseling. Giraffe Test There are 4 questions. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before yo...
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Big Gorilla
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1
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1974
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A LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE;
(Preview)
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What woul...
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justcruisin01
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0
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644
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SCOTCH WITH TWO DROPS OF WATER;
(Preview)
Scotch with two Drops of Water? A lady goes to the bar on a cruise shipand orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says'I'm on this cruise to celebratemy 80th birthday and it's today.'The bartender says'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.In f...
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justcruisin01
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0
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722
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The Job interview
(Preview)
BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny.... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but 1 am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate...
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barina
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0
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1253
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OOOPs
(Preview)
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciati...
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copper1
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2
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842
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Life Explained
(Preview)
NOW I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about onl...
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barina
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0
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773
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Computers
(Preview)
A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, Where do you keep the curtains for computers? The clerk answers with a puzzled face, Curtains for computers? You dont need curtains for computers. The blondes eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!
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copper1
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0
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598
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PATRICK DIES....
(Preview)
Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a Coastal village in Ireland . Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time...
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sarg
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1
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712
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Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
(Preview)
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously a...
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copper1
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1
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658
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