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JOB LOST;
(Preview)
Lost my job with the Samaritans I don't know why I was just sacked from my job with the Samaritans; they wouldnt talk to me about it.A guy phoned and said,"I'm Abdul Mohammed: and Im going to kill myself. Im lying on the railway track now waiting for the train to come".All I said was,"Re...
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justcruisin01
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0
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599
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A BAD MONDAY MORNING;
(Preview)
The Pharmacist's Monday MorningUpon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."Immediately, the hus...
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justcruisin01
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0
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714
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THE GAY COWBOY;
(Preview)
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. S...
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justcruisin01
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0
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590
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QUICK THINKING;
(Preview)
Quick Thinking > > A man boarded a plane with six kids. > After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle > from > him leaned over to him and asked, impertently, "Are all of those kids > yours > ? " > He replied, " No Ma'am, I work for a condom c...
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justcruisin01
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0
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620
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ECSTASY!
(Preview)
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and forth...back and forth......in and out...in and out. Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder....
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justcruisin01
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0
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686
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Rats in the Ceiling
(Preview)
Three clergy were in the coffee house having a coffee when the United Church minister said that he had rats in the ceiling of the church and that he had tried poisoning but they came back. The Anglican minister said he has the same problem and he had tried shooting them as well but he still had the rats. The...
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Woodpecker
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0
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569
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ROAD ACCIDENT;
(Preview)
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car. Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.' Operator: 'What is your location sir?' Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .' Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?' Si...
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justcruisin01
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0
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623
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THE BACON TREE;
(Preview)
The Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and await death when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk." "Ees, Luis,...
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justcruisin01
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0
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549
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A BROKEN PROMISE;
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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0
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606
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BAPTISING A GLASWEGIAN;
(Preview)
A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comesupon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into thewater and subsequently bumps into the preacher.... The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,whereupon he asks the d...
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justcruisin01
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0
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593
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Money ain't got nun
(Preview)
man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns a...
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Pinto
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0
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592
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Shot 3 times
(Preview)
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because its too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks in...
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Pinto
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0
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575
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Exwifes revenge
(Preview)
After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day pa...
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Pinto
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0
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635
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The Purse.
(Preview)
Wife went to the Market today, showed me a Little COIN PURSE that she bought, I said it's Ok if You like it, How much did it cost ? she said $1000 !!!!!! I Said WHAT ???? HOW THE HELL CAN THAT LITTLE PURSE BE WORTH A THOUSAND BUCKS ?????? She said that is because it is made from a FORESKIN ?? and in it's current st...
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dazren
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0
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571
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Grumpy Cat
(Preview)
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tcp99
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0
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639
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Grumpy Cat
(Preview)
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tcp99
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0
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555
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Boy George Moment
(Preview)
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tcp99
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0
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628
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At The Bar...
(Preview)
I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate, "That'll be us in another 10 years."He said, "That's a mirror, you dickhead."
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Big Gorilla
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0
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643
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Texting for seniors
(Preview)
* ATD- At the Doctor's * BFF - Best Friends Funeral * BTW- Bring the Wheelchair * BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth * CBM- Covered by Medicare * CUATSC- See You at the Senior Center * DWI- Driving While Incontinent * FWIW - Forgot Where I Was * GGPBL- Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low * GHA - Got Heartburn Again * HGB...
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barina
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0
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607
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Sign language
(Preview)
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a s...
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Pinto
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0
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577
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