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A couple of funnies from the US Court system - can u relate to them????
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?A: No.Q: Did you check for blood pressure?A: No.Q: Did you check for breathing?A: No.Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began theautopsy?A: No.Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?A: Because his brain was si...
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Baz421
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Get Out of the Car!
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sucastja
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Hanging with Blondes
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Hanging with BlondesThere were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off. They argued and argued and finally the brunette said ''I'll go.''The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped.
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copper1
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I'M NOT OLD
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copper1
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Gardening
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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red? Th...
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Hurls
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BLONDE PILOT;
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This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies.She, frantic, calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me!My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don'tknow how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"She hears a voic...
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justcruisin01
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Racism or not!!!
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A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness ?"The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish ?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something, if I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian ? Or if I had asked for...
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barina
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819
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THE FUNERAL;
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A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service As all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the c...
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justcruisin01
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Judgement for the Plaintiff
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Judgment for the Plaintiff!!! A Well-Argued Court Case The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference. One evenin...
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spida
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1190
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Adult Scrabble
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Adult Scrabble Re-arrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect. P N E S I People who wrote SPINE became doctors... The rest are all my e-mail friends...
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Hurls
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Marriage
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Mary and her husband Tom went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Mary went into a passionate, painful tirade - listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: the neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, lone...
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Hurls
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At the Bar
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I pointed to the two old drunks across the bar and said to my mate, "Thatll be us in ten years. He said, "That's a mirror, dickhead"!!!
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Hurls
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555
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Getting Married
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Getting MarriedJack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.Jack addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist...
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Hurls
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568
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Promises
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An elderly lady recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him........ "You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bo...
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Hurls
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646
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Dad's Reply
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I took my dad to the shopping mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting near to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at her. The tee...
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Hurls
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Diary Of A POM in WA
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DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA August 31Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .Now this is a town that knows how to live!Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.It was beaut...
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Duh
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1972
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At the movies
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An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there...
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jules47
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Mt. Rushmore closed
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GaryKelly
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The Seminar
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The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?" All the women raised their hands.Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.The women were then told to take the...
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jules47
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710 thingy
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A blonde came in to the auto workshop and asked for a seven-hundred-ten thingy. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What in the world is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the part that's right in the mid...
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GaryKelly
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