Just Joking

jules47 · jules47

These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) ________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get win...

Mark · Mark

Unknown ship...... Unkown ship....... you are on a collision course with us and we suggest you alter you track by 35 degrees to the West. "This is the USS Warrior, in response to your last transmission, we suggest that you alter YOUR course by 35 degrees to the East. Hello USS Warrior, thank you fo...

Mark · Mark

A True Storey As part of my job a while ago I had to attened court to give evidence for the prosecution, normally in support of the Police or Insurance Companies. On this particular day a rather beligerant Male entered court dressed as Captian Kirk of the USS enterprise. As we all stood as the judge walk...

Mark · Mark

Made me smile anyway!!

Chazza · Chazza

All right, here's one to make you think. This is something a bloke gave me about 1956, so it's been about for a while. I'll put it on here and let a few of you have a go at it if you like. Someone will work it out, I know. Then, in a few days' time, I'll put it back up again with the interpretation. A warning: I know...

jules47 · jules47

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious beh...

rowdy · rowdy

I went to the state of origin last week and there was a bloke sitting in front of me with a little fox terrier,all dressed up in the NSW colours. Every time NSW scored the little dog jumped up on the fence ,stood on his hind legs and clapped his little paws.This went on all night and when they won the game th...

Chazza · Chazza

Don't know how PC this is but here goes: The sportsmen were talking about their greatest sporting ambition. The first bloke was a golfer. He said he'd love to be in the US Open and come to the last hole of play. He'd be a stroke behind with the leader making a beautiful 30 foot putt for par. He'd be well up t...

Keith19837 · Keith19837

In Victoria, up until the '90's, the central radio dispatch centre was known as D24 (Housed in corridor D, Room 24). All calls via 000, 11444 or from police stations were routed through this comms centre to units on the ground. When a ground unit had to return to their station for paperwork, call of...

Hurls · Hurls

A Must read for Grandparents, Proud Aunties, God Mothers, Family Friends who are kid friendly!!!! (Those who aren't will love it, too.) At one point during a game, the coach called one of his9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do youunderstand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The...

sarg · sarg

A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible..!" said the man, "Who in their right m...

JayDee · JayDee

Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy. The three men had always done everything together. Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his fac...

GaryKelly · GaryKelly

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

Chazza · Chazza

A bloke picks up a girl in a dark section of the street. She is dressed in bright pink knee boots and net stockings under a leatherette skirt that covers nothing very much at all. He asks if she'd like to go to his apartment to have a look at his multi-million dollar art collection. Off they go. In his apart...

JayDee · JayDee

the ****y . The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock. He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank And saw a e...

spida · spida

"Delta 351, You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" T...

astroid60 · astroid60

The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition. Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand. Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole Bludgie: a par...

Roving-Dutchy · Roving-Dutchy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WSIUf2hD6Io

bill12 · bill12

JayDee · JayDee

Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Questions (Preview) These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) ________________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get win...	jules47	0	724	03:55 PM Jul 21, 2013 by jules47
	Unkown Ship (Preview) Unknown ship...... Unkown ship....... you are on a collision course with us and we suggest you alter you track by 35 degrees to the West. "This is the USS Warrior, in response to your last transmission, we suggest that you alter YOUR course by 35 degrees to the East. Hello USS Warrior, thank you fo...	Mark	1	681	05:03 PM Jul 21, 2013 by sarg
	Beam Me Up Scotty!! (Preview) A True Storey As part of my job a while ago I had to attened court to give evidence for the prosecution, normally in support of the Police or Insurance Companies. On this particular day a rather beligerant Male entered court dressed as Captian Kirk of the USS enterprise. As we all stood as the judge walk...	Mark	1	1070	05:02 PM Jul 21, 2013 by sarg
	Batman!! (Preview) Made me smile anyway!!	Mark	3	750	04:52 PM Jul 21, 2013 by sarg
	A RUSSIAN VISITING CARD (Preview) All right, here's one to make you think. This is something a bloke gave me about 1956, so it's been about for a while. I'll put it on here and let a few of you have a go at it if you like. Someone will work it out, I know. Then, in a few days' time, I'll put it back up again with the interpretation. A warning: I know...	Chazza	8	846	02:54 PM Jul 21, 2013 by Chazza
	Pumpkins (Preview) Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious beh...	jules47	0	842	03:10 AM Jul 20, 2013 by jules47
	state of origin (Preview) I went to the state of origin last week and there was a bloke sitting in front of me with a little fox terrier,all dressed up in the NSW colours. Every time NSW scored the little dog jumped up on the fence ,stood on his hind legs and clapped his little paws.This went on all night and when they won the game th...	rowdy	0	653	03:54 PM Jul 19, 2013 by rowdy
	THREE SPORTSMEN (Preview) Don't know how PC this is but here goes: The sportsmen were talking about their greatest sporting ambition. The first bloke was a golfer. He said he'd love to be in the US Open and come to the last hole of play. He'd be a stroke behind with the leader making a beautiful 30 foot putt for par. He'd be well up t...	Chazza	0	737	12:50 AM Jul 18, 2013 by Chazza
	D24 to Box Hill Police Station Victoria (Preview) In Victoria, up until the '90's, the central radio dispatch centre was known as D24 (Housed in corridor D, Room 24). All calls via 000, 11444 or from police stations were routed through this comms centre to units on the ground. When a ground unit had to return to their station for paperwork, call of...	Keith19837	0	3901	07:32 PM Jul 17, 2013 by Keith19837
	Family Fun (Preview) A Must read for Grandparents, Proud Aunties, God Mothers, Family Friends who are kid friendly!!!! (Those who aren't will love it, too.) At one point during a game, the coach called one of his9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do youunderstand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The...	Hurls	0	660	05:21 PM Jul 17, 2013 by Hurls
	THE LOVING HUSBAND (Preview) A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible..!" said the man, "Who in their right m...	sarg	3	845	06:36 PM Jul 17, 2013 by Chazza
	Mick & Paddy (Preview) Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy. The three men had always done everything together. Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his fac...	JayDee	2	687	09:36 PM Jul 16, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Exporting Seniors (Preview) To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.	GaryKelly	1	758	04:48 AM Jul 16, 2013 by Bunkerbob
	WELL, I SUPPOSE IT DOES, REALLY...! (Preview) A bloke picks up a girl in a dark section of the street. She is dressed in bright pink knee boots and net stockings under a leatherette skirt that covers nothing very much at all. He asks if she'd like to go to his apartment to have a look at his multi-million dollar art collection. Off they go. In his apart...	Chazza	2	856	12:51 AM Jul 16, 2013 by Chazza
	The **y (Preview) the **y . The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock. He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank And saw a e...	JayDee	1	886	10:04 PM Jul 15, 2013 by Wandering Whitfields
	Plane to Tower conversations! Scary! (Preview) "Delta 351, You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" T...	spida	0	2467	06:57 PM Jul 14, 2013 by spida
	Orstraylian (Preview) The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition. Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand. Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole Bludgie: a par...	astroid60	0	851	03:21 PM Jul 14, 2013 by astroid60
	If only we could do this to all Bankers etc (Preview) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WSIUf2hD6Io	Roving-Dutchy	2	789	12:21 AM Jul 14, 2013 by GaryKelly
	braless (Preview)	bill12	1	871	02:47 AM Jul 13, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Out of the mouth of babes (Preview) Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to t...	JayDee	0	634	11:35 PM Jul 11, 2013 by JayDee
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