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Every now and then a classic turns up
(Preview)
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered. As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!" So I turned around and replied "So now you want me to stay?"
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hammer
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0
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608
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No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile.
(Preview)
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd shar...
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hammer
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790
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The Pope and the rugby fan
(Preview)
The Pope was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off-shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with two men we...
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Grahame Readwin
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0
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946
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... another musical!
(Preview)
Everyone knows about Al Capone and John Dillinger, but a lesser known gangster of American folklore was the 'Lizzard'. He got this name through an unfortunate childhood accident which resulted in him having a split lip.At the time of J Edgar Hoovers FBI purge against public enemies the G men were luc...
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Grahame Readwin
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687
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Sensitive;
(Preview)
Sensitive Australian Males Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes his body away, Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell...
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justcruisin01
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823
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The Restaurant ;
(Preview)
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?" He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom,...
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justcruisin01
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752
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The Scottish;
(Preview)
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time fo...
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justcruisin01
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678
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... another terrible musical joke
(Preview)
Two carpenters, Sam Plank, and Harry Nail, set up in business together, sadly Harry Nail died and went to heaven. While he was up in heaven, Harry Nail won the lottery, and got the privelege to spend 24 hours of absolute freedom. Harry chose to use his 24 hours visiting his lifelong buddy, Sam Plank. Sam...
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Grahame Readwin
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1
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912
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Mozart
(Preview)
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave a...
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Grahame Readwin
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0
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732
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Priceless!!
(Preview)
This one is priceless.A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..' The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that..' The...
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Hoodathunkit
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2
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868
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Jewish Taxi Driver
(Preview)
Jewish Taxi Driver A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City . The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab . The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven'...
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Roving-Dutchy
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0
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1071
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Parking
(Preview)
On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast.They heard the announcer Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through..."S...
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sucastja
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2
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1114
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The Three Bears - true version
(Preview)
The Three Bears -- True version...... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who...
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sucastja
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1
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852
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technology
(Preview)
I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century" he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers, Here, you can borrow my iPad" I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.....
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sucastja
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1
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1127
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Nudes
(Preview)
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hund...
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BohemianGypsy
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1352
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DEFECTIVE PARROT;
(Preview)
The Defective Parrot. A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actu...
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justcruisin01
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0
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1132
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Twins
(Preview)
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old, dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day, he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who promptly sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.Unb...
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BohemianGypsy
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2
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890
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Butcher
(Preview)
When I was a kid, my mum used to send me to the butcher shop on Friday afternoons to get a pigs cheek with the eye left in. It used to see us over the weekend. -------------------------------------------------- One Friday the butcher sat on his mincing machine. He got all behind in all his sausage order...
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rockylizard
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919
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The beat goes on
(Preview)
I was in David Jones recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me And suddenly I remembered I was lis...
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hammer
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1
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836
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A clean sweep
(Preview)
Sweeping around I'm gonna make a clean sweep of this - Two brooms are hanging in a darkened closet , after awhile they get to know each other Very well . So , they decide to marry . One broom was the Bride-broom The other was the Broom-groom. The bride-broom was resplendant in her white wedding dress . The b...
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Zoomtopz
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2
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1042
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