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Blame
(Preview)
BLAME How the world works lately... If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work, He blames the restaurant. If you smoke three packs a day For 40 years and die of lung cancer, Your family blames the Tobacco company. If your neighbor crashes Into a tree while driving home drunk, H...
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Hurls
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0
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706
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Grandparents Answering Machine
(Preview)
GRANDPARENTS' ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please Leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp .... If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "birth arrival" so we know who it is. If you need us to sta...
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Hoodathunkit
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2
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813
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Screams of Passion
(Preview)
A little Aussie humour... An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion. The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virginolive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, n...
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Hurls
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0
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760
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how to start the day on a positive
(Preview)
Open a new file in your computer.Name it "Julia Gillard".Send it to the Recycle Bin.Empty the Recycle Bin.Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of Julia Gillard?"Firmly Click "Yes."Feel better?Tomorrow we'll do Wayne Swan!
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jimbo
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0
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724
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Old Age
(Preview)
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between the sobs and snif...
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rockylizard
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0
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688
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DREAMER!
(Preview)
Gillard was asleep in her house and awoke to see Menzies' ghost. She asked, "Bob, how can I make this country better?" Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers like I did."Gillard went back to sleep, this time she woke to an image of John Howard at the end of her bed. Sh...
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justcruisin01
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0
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722
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THE IRISH BIC LIGHTER
(Preview)
The Irish Bic Lighter Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar. Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light. 'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. 'My God, man!...
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sarg
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1
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902
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Wrong Day To Hatch
(Preview)
It's gonna be one of those days, I'm afraid...
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GaryKelly
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2
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746
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INDIANS
(Preview)
The Indian With One Testicle There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'One stone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him One stone.After years and years of torment, One stone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me One stone again I will kill them!'...
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sarg
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3
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653
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The divorce
(Preview)
An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what a...re you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, he says. "I'm sick of he...
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Beth54
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1
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825
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A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K.
(Preview)
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks..... "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous...
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Hurls
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0
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774
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World Survey
(Preview)
WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE... Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Euro...
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Hurls
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3
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722
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Cats tail
(Preview)
A bloke walks into a bar, and has no money, there is a cat sitting in the corner, so he tells every one i bet my dick is longer than the cats tail so after a lot of laughter and banter thy measure the cats tail 12" Thy then go about measuring the blokes dick 7" (his was a large one) Pay up was the cry fro...
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Cowboy7307
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1
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968
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PAYBACK
(Preview)
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt. The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways....
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sarg
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1
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791
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Talking Dog
(Preview)
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there...
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GaryKelly
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2
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786
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Globalization
(Preview)
A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate: Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's Death. Question: How come? Answer : An English princess With an Egyptian boyfriend Crashes In a French tunnel, Riding in a German ca...
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petengail
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1
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703
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PADDY AND MICK
(Preview)
Paddy says to Mick, "I found this pen, is it yours?" Mick replies, "I don't know, give it here." He then tries it and says, "Yes it is." Paddy asks, "How do you know?" Mick replies, "That's my handwriting!"
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sarg
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2
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714
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HMMMM...
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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730
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The 12:15 to Stanthorpe Has Been Cancelled
(Preview)
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop itI went to a karaoke bar last night that didnt play any Seventies music. At first I was afraid. Oh, I was petrifiedA government survey reveals the prime minister is doin...
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Grevo
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1
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797
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Nicknames
(Preview)
I was listening to the radio this morning when the host invited callers to reveal the nick-names they had for their wives. The best call was from a brave chap who called his wife "Harvey Norman" The Host asked him why that name? He replied, "Absolutely no interest for 36 months."...
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Hurls
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1
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741
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