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MARRIAGE
(Preview)
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriagecertificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
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sarg
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0
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593
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Getting Old
(Preview)
There's a touch of irony here! A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments."My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one."Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."&quo...
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jimbo
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2
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793
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Another reason to fly Southwest
(Preview)
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn'...
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sarg
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0
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729
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HELGA'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP
(Preview)
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers, decided on this "all-girls" trip. It will be my first one, - and I can't wait! -------------------------...
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sarg
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2
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1079
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Ikea
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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1
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779
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SHINGLES
(Preview)
Kevin had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Kevin: Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what...
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sarg
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0
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748
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Brain Teasers
(Preview)
man 1. ------------ board Ans. = man overboard Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it. stand 2. ------------ i Ans. = I understand OK . Got the drift ? Let's try a few now and see how you fare ? 3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/ Ans. = reading between the lines 4. r road ...
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Possum3
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3
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816
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Keeping active in old age -
(Preview)
Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active! 1. Johnny 's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May....What was the third child 's name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wea...
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jules47
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4
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1600
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How to get to Heaven from Scotland
(Preview)
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!" the children answer...
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sarg
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0
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755
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The Alien
(Preview)
Two aliens landed in the Nullarbor near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the petrol pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader. The gas pump, of course, didnt respond. The younger alien became an...
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jimbo
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1
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784
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Mr and Mrs Bird Having a Domestic
(Preview)
When a male bird just can't stand it anymore. Photographers note: You could die of old age waiting to get a shot like this one.
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GaryKelly
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4
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1514
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What Starts with F and ends with K
(Preview)
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!' Ms....
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sarg
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1
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818
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Nasty puddy tats
(Preview)
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GaryKelly
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2
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908
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ITCHY PARTS
(Preview)
A female dwarf goes to a doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area. The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk.. He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under. A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip. The doctor emerges from under her skirt. &...
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sarg
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1
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742
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Aplomb
(Preview)
His Lordship was in the study at Downton Abbey when the butler approached and and coughed discreetly. "May I ask you a question my Lord?" "Go ahead Carson " said his Lordship. "I am doing the crossword in The Times and I have found a word I am not too clear on" "W...
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Legendts
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0
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1076
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Legal Eagles
(Preview)
COURT REPORTERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES ! These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was th...
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Hurls
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1
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807
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Senior Moments
(Preview)
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want any...
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Hurls
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0
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722
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Such is Life
(Preview)
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. David Bissonette After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.. Sacha Guitry By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If y...
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Hurls
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0
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644
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Little Old Lady in Court
(Preview)
Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the...
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Hurls
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0
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673
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Beloved Leader
(Preview)
Kim Jung Un Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made him a four-star general.This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership.He hadn't even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team, o...
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Hurls
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2
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671
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