Just Joking

Hurls · Hurls

the Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I w...

Baz421 · Baz421

I know all of you are very good drivers, so here is a fun test to see how good your speed is! The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is 0.75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10 mph. Test your average reaction time. Be careful, this can be addictive! You will be surprised at ho...

Baz421 · Baz421

An Australian Salesman in Harrods. THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the jo...

Baz421 · Baz421

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take It out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying '...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time. The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane. "Why you gonna wear dem fo ?" the other two asked. The first replied, "Cause, if dat p...

sarg · sarg

Three dead bodies turn up at the Dublin mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. 'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress, hence the enormous smile, Inspector',...

rockylizard · rockylizard

Farmer Smith recently bought an ant farm. He's now looking around for a tractor small enough for it.......

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra moneyfor the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" andstarted canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if hehad any odd jobs for her to do, &q...

gerard gue · gerard gue

Old is Great! An old Woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?" The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle." And so say all of us!

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," sh...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7km, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sa...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

Bassett52 · Bassett52

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representativ...

sarg · sarg

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that....

sarg · sarg

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Ita...

sarg · sarg

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings...

rockylizard · rockylizard

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I...

sarg · sarg

We Pensioners cannot afford to stay in expensive hotels any more... we are now forced to go camping! WE WISH

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Really! (Preview) the Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I w...	Hurls	1	751	04:54 AM Apr 21, 2013 by spida
	TEST YOUR SKILL OR BE DRIVEN TO DESPAIR (Preview) I know all of you are very good drivers, so here is a fun test to see how good your speed is! The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is 0.75 seconds or 1 car length for every 10 mph. Test your average reaction time. Be careful, this can be addictive! You will be surprised at ho...	Baz421	4	818	12:44 AM Apr 21, 2013 by vk6tnc
	On selling - when you go in to buy X and end up buying XYZ,,,, it's all the rage now. (Preview) An Australian Salesman in Harrods. THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the jo...	Baz421	1	667	09:12 PM Apr 20, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Anger management 101 - how to destress successfully. (Preview) When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take It out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying '...	Baz421	0	680	04:36 AM Apr 20, 2013 by Baz421
	Warning Warning ....Bit Rude!!! (Preview) There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time. The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane. "Why you gonna wear dem fo ?" the other two asked. The first replied, "Cause, if dat p...	Hoodathunkit	4	899	05:19 AM Apr 20, 2013 by ogre
	IRISH (Preview) Three dead bodies turn up at the Dublin mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. 'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress, hence the enormous smile, Inspector',...	sarg	2	764	05:13 AM Apr 20, 2013 by ogre
	Ant Farm (Preview) Farmer Smith recently bought an ant farm. He's now looking around for a tractor small enough for it.......	rockylizard	2	668	03:37 AM Apr 20, 2013 by vk6tnc
	Handy Woman... (Preview) A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra moneyfor the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" andstarted canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if hehad any odd jobs for her to do, &q...	Hoodathunkit	0	752	06:28 PM Apr 19, 2013 by Hoodathunkit
	Old is Great! (Preview) Old is Great! An old Woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?" The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle." *And so say all of us!*	gerard gue	0	639	03:10 AM Apr 19, 2013 by gerard gue
	A Beauty for Fishermen (Preview) A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and...	Hoodathunkit	0	633	05:34 PM Apr 18, 2013 by Hoodathunkit
	Aged 80 (Preview) The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," sh...	Hoodathunkit	0	788	05:24 PM Apr 18, 2013 by Hoodathunkit
	Physical Exam (Preview) During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7km, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sa...	Hoodathunkit	0	697	05:20 PM Apr 18, 2013 by Hoodathunkit
	Aunty Acid (Preview)	Hoodathunkit	4	827	09:53 PM Apr 18, 2013 by Bucko
	Weight Loss Program (Preview) A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representativ...	Bassett52	0	980	05:15 PM Apr 17, 2013 by Bassett52
	A DOCTORS REMEDY (Preview) A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that....	sarg	0	671	10:30 PM Apr 16, 2013 by sarg
	A SPAGHETTI LOVE STORY (Preview) For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Ita...	sarg	1	915	10:53 PM Apr 16, 2013 by jules47
	Sex On Mars (Preview) The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings...	sarg	1	858	10:52 PM Apr 16, 2013 by jules47
	Branch Management (Preview)	rockylizard	2	795	10:11 PM Apr 16, 2013 by sarg
	Results (Preview) A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I...	Hoodathunkit	1	665	10:03 PM Apr 16, 2013 by sarg
	POOR PENSIONERS (Preview) We Pensioners cannot afford to stay in expensive hotels any more... we are now forced to go camping! WE WISH	sarg	3	908	09:58 PM Apr 16, 2013 by sarg
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