Just Joking

old briney · old briney

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

THE STORKj The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher,are you s...

goinsoon · goinsoon

One sunny morning Queensland Premier Anna Bligh was driving through a farming district in her chauffeured car. As they came around a bend in the road an old cow standing on the road could not get out of the way quick enough and they hit the poor animal that was sent flying. Anna was not pleased and told the...

goinsoon · goinsoon

If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Labor /Greenie doesn't like guns, they wants all guns outlawed. If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a Labor/Green is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a Liberal is homosexual, he quietly leads his li...

sucastja · sucastja

A Cardiologist's Funeral A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in > flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the e...

sucastja · sucastja

Stolen from a friend, but too funny NOT to steal. If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning......

goinsoon · goinsoon

The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tr...

goinsoon · goinsoon

I was just sitting here deep in thought and I wondered that if man evolved from monkeys and apes "Why do we still have monkeys and apes" JUST WONDERING

jimbo · jimbo

A small boy has a school homework question to answer, so he asks his father " Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son.....go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million...

goinsoon · goinsoon

Came home from the club yesterday and here she was squatting on the front lawn cutting the grass with a pair of nail scissors. (seems she had the idea it might give me a hint to mow the lawn) But apparently I am a bit slow, I went inside and got a toothbrush and gave it to her, I said: "may as well sweep the...

goinsoon · goinsoon

Hope this is not too rudeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs upon Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment a...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

In Honour of Stupid People everywhere, but mostly in America and Britain . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not tur...

sucastja · sucastja

You know you're Australian when: You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear & may be...

goinsoon · goinsoon

A man walks into a redneck bar in Alabama and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You solike a Limey", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously. "What do you do, just across the Severn?" &q...

goinsoon · goinsoon

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton ba...

goinsoon · goinsoon

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second not looking at the man, and decided to send a rep...

goinsoon · goinsoon

After having dug to a depth of 3.3 metres last year, British Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years. They came to the conclusion that british ancestors had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits an american archaeologist dug to a depth of 6 metre...

goinsoon · goinsoon

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy. Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls...

goinsoon · goinsoon

The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tr...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Hazardous Materials (Preview)	old briney	1	713	08:59 PM Dec 6, 2011 by pauline
	MORE OF THE IRISH! (Preview) Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----...	justcruisin01	0	717	02:11 PM Dec 6, 2011 by justcruisin01
	BIRDS OF A FEATHER; (Preview) THE STORKj The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher,are you s...	justcruisin01	0	648	02:08 PM Dec 6, 2011 by justcruisin01
	ANNA (Preview) One sunny morning Queensland Premier Anna Bligh was driving through a farming district in her chauffeured car. As they came around a bend in the road an old cow standing on the road could not get out of the way quick enough and they hit the poor animal that was sent flying. Anna was not pleased and told the...	goinsoon	0	684	01:10 AM Dec 6, 2011 by goinsoon
	MORE GREENIE (Preview) If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Labor /Greenie doesn't like guns, they wants all guns outlawed. If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a Labor/Green is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a Liberal is homosexual, he quietly leads his li...	goinsoon	7	877	12:18 AM Dec 6, 2011 by goinsoon
	A Cardiologist's funeral (Preview) A Cardiologist's Funeral A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in > flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the e...	sucastja	3	864	10:05 PM Dec 5, 2011 by Elle on Wheels
	In my day . . . (Preview) Stolen from a friend, but too funny NOT to steal. If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning......	sucastja	2	994	09:46 PM Dec 5, 2011 by pauline
	ANOTHER GREENIE (Preview) The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tr...	goinsoon	0	684	09:26 PM Dec 3, 2011 by goinsoon
	JUST THINKING (Preview) I was just sitting here deep in thought and I wondered that if man evolved from monkeys and apes "Why do we still have monkeys and apes" JUST WONDERING	goinsoon	6	760	04:12 PM Dec 3, 2011 by jimbo
	Theoretically / Reaisticallyl (Preview) A small boy has a school homework question to answer, so he asks his father " Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son.....go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million...	jimbo	2	534	04:08 PM Dec 3, 2011 by jimbo
	IN POO AGAIN (Preview) Came home from the club yesterday and here she was squatting on the front lawn cutting the grass with a pair of nail scissors. (seems she had the idea it might give me a hint to mow the lawn) But apparently I am a bit slow, I went inside and got a toothbrush and gave it to her, I said: "may as well sweep the...	goinsoon	2	728	10:28 PM Dec 2, 2011 by goinsoon
	BARBIE AND KEN (Preview) Hope this is not too rudeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs upon Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment a...	goinsoon	0	615	10:26 PM Dec 2, 2011 by goinsoon
	In Honour of Stupid People (Preview) In Honour of Stupid People everywhere, but mostly in America and Britain . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not tur...	Wombat 280	2	889	07:59 PM Dec 2, 2011 by rvtraveller2
	You know you're Australian when: (Preview) You know you're Australian when: You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear & may be...	sucastja	1	1102	07:46 AM Dec 2, 2011 by jules47
	ALABAMA (Preview) A man walks into a redneck bar in Alabama and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You solike a Limey", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously. "What do you do, just across the Severn?" &q...	goinsoon	0	671	10:48 PM Dec 1, 2011 by goinsoon
	HUBBYS REVENGE (Preview) CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton ba...	goinsoon	0	721	09:27 PM Dec 1, 2011 by goinsoon
	A BOTTLE OF WINE (Preview) A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second not looking at the man, and decided to send a rep...	goinsoon	1	726	09:17 PM Dec 1, 2011 by pauline
	PROUD TO BE AN AUSSIE (Preview) After having dug to a depth of 3.3 metres last year, British Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years. They came to the conclusion that british ancestors had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits an american archaeologist dug to a depth of 6 metre...	goinsoon	4	991	09:13 PM Dec 1, 2011 by pauline
	PADDY (Preview) Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy. Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls...	goinsoon	1	726	08:02 PM Dec 1, 2011 by sucastja
	GREENIE JOKE (Preview) The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tr...	goinsoon	3	746	10:18 AM Dec 1, 2011 by jimbo
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