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Bronze Rat
(Preview)
A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...
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sucastja
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3
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1292
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Where's my van????
(Preview)
The Policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the drivers window: "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?" The driver jumped out and ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan. The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman to...
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barina
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0
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694
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A longy but a goodie
(Preview)
Here is a condensed version of history: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters / gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the i...
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Zoomtopz
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1
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1058
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DAY OFF;
(Preview)
A doctor wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant "Murphy, I'm goin' fishin' tomorrow, but I don't want to be closing the clinic. Could ya moind the place whilst I'm gone and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. So the doctor goes...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1410
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A - B - C - D - E etc.
(Preview)
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks..... "What does that mean?" He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous...
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jules47
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2
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1008
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IRISH MOTHER TO HER SON;
(Preview)
Dear Son, >>> >>> Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this >>> letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very >>> well. >>> >>> You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Yo...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1218
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Last Fling
(Preview)
Two old boys were sitting talking about their life and they decided to have one last fling before they dropped off the perch So they went out on the town and ended up in the local brothel, the madam took one look at them and told one of the girls to to put a blow up doll in each room, the men are so old and drunk th...
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Antique Pete
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2
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981
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The Milking Machine
(Preview)
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him...
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Going gone
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0
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1207
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WOMAN DRIVERS;
(Preview)
Damn women drivers! This morning on the 400, I looked over To my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 110 km/h With her face up next to her rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner. I looked away For a couple seconds... To continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my la...
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justcruisin01
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0
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826
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TWO KIDS;
(Preview)
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."...
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justcruisin01
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0
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817
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QUESTION;
(Preview)
Question: Is sex Work? A U.S.Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his...
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justcruisin01
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0
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1177
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ID ten T error
(Preview)
Young Joanne was having trouble with her computer.So she called Tim, the computer tech, over to her desk.Tim clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, Joanne called after him, So, what was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten T error.A puzzled expression ran riot over J...
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_wombat_
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0
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743
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Awaiting surgery
(Preview)
An older gentleman was On the operating tableAwaiting surgery,And he insisted that his son,A renowned surgeon,Perform the operation.As he was about to get the anesthesia,He asked to speak to his son'Yes, Dad, what is it? ''Don't be nervous, son;Do your best,And just remember,If it doesn't go wel...
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old briney
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0
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749
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midwife crisis
(Preview)
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to Labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I afraid I don't have a husband" she replied "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either. Do you have a partn...
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ozi2
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2
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782
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AN AUSSIE POEM;
(Preview)
An Aussie Poem The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock. He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank And s...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1154
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Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
(Preview)
Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' s...
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Vic
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0
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769
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NO REPEATS;
(Preview)
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady r...
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justcruisin01
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0
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803
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Caravanner's Prayer
(Preview)
When we pack up in the morning may the annex be quite dry May the pegs be easily removed and no leaves stick to the fly Let the stabilisers wind up without that horrid squeak And loose items give no trouble when to stow them we seek May I back up with the ball lined up precisely with its mate And remember to re...
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Vic
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1
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980
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A STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM...AND HOW HE DID IT
(Preview)
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you...
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old briney
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3
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1065
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YOUR CRUISE AWAITS;
(Preview)
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks # What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? - Leeks # What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain # When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where...
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justcruisin01
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1
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797
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