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Financial Planning
(Preview)
Fred was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he...
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at the vet
(Preview)
The scene. A row of dog cages. In one cage is an American pit bull. Next to it is a German shepard. The shepard turns to the pit bull. "Unt vot are you in ziss place for my American friend!" The pit bull looks up at the other dog. "Oh, hi Fritz. Well I've been with this family for nearly three y...
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pipes
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782
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Snotty Receptionist
(Preview)
Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted. The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the reception...
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6 Hours !!!
(Preview)
Six Hours! The Jewish man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!" The Frenchman boasted, "Last week my wife & I had sex, I rubbed her body all ov...
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The Defective Parrot
(Preview)
The Defective Parrot. A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actu...
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Spanish Teacher
(Preview)
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the ans...
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Banned!!!!!
(Preview)
RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the followi...
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984
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Hooker
(Preview)
Confessions of a hooker A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversarywhen the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.' The husband ponders for a...
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Calling in Sick...
(Preview)
Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical !!! We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimat...
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4
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Wonder Boy
(Preview)
to John A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walki...
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jimbo
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Health and safety course at the Senior Citizens Centre
(Preview)
Gladys failed a Health and Safety course at the Local Senior Centre today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F*&^ing' big ones," was apparently, not the right answer.
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Died of Shame..so cute " Out of the mouths of babes"
(Preview)
Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school. She had just had her first family planning lesson at school. Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?" "I died of shame!" She answers! Why? Her Mother asked. Annie said, Koos from down the road, says that the stork brings babie...
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UN Phone Survey
(Preview)
Last month a world-wide phone survey was conducted by the UN.The only question asked was:-"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"The survey was a huge failure because of the following:1. In Eastern Europe they didn't kno...
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Stickers
(Preview)
Love this one especially.
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Dog Math
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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I HAVE OUT LIVED MY PECKER ;
(Preview)
"I have outlived my pecker My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the f***in' thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would be...
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justcruisin01
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TURF;
(Preview)
Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf. Jimmy said, Im gonna do dat when I win da lottery. What's dat den? asks Mikey. Send me lawn away to be mowed."
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justcruisin01
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Senior Moments
(Preview)
This is hilarious http://www.rtbot.net/play.php?id=Xv1tMioGgXI Cheers! Chris
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gypsy rover
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There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning
(Preview)
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieki...
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and some more....
(Preview)
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barina
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