Just Joking

Tonyg · Tonyg

How to Start the Day and Feel Really GoodOpen a new file on your computer.Entitle it "Housework"Place it in the Recycle Bin.Empty the Recycle Bin.Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"Answer "Yes" and click the left m...

Tonyg · Tonyg

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to one and all. Off to Queensland Boxing Day. Cheers, tony -- Edited by Tonyg on Sunday 25th of December 2011 12:22:08 AM

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woma...

jimbo · jimbo

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40 This seems a little daunting to start with but if you apply yourself you may find that it's not as difficult as you think. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out...

woody · woody

As you well know, I have been known to have had 'brushes with the authorities' in the past, especially on my way home from the odd boozy session over the years. Last night I was out for a few drinks with a couple of mates and had several bottles of wine followed by some cleansing ale. Realising that I...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

The BarberA guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The bar...

petengail · petengail

No sorry it didnt dammit -please ignore this post.... merry christmas - pete -- Edited by petengail on Tuesday 20th of December 2011 04:26:27 PM

Rip and Rosie · Rip and Rosie

A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After mo...

Tonyg · Tonyg

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He...

Tonyg · Tonyg

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room, Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more. The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ...........

milo · milo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5qcmCUsw4EQ

jimbo · jimbo

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried t...

Happywanderer · Happywanderer

Australian Cattle Station Pilot G'day Mate, I am writing to you because I need your help to get me bloody pilot's licence back. You keep telling me you got all the right contacts. Well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate. But first, I'd better tell you...

The Gnome · The Gnome

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made s...

Tonyg · Tonyg

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift The next year, I didnt buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, Well, you still havent used the gift I bought you last year! And thats how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife and I were...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A blonde was mowing the lawn in her garden and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat that was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Woolworths. Why Woolworths ??? HELLOOOOOOOOO! Woolworths is the largest re-tailer in Australia !!!

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Condom factory burns down in New Zealand : The Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone. Its the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is isti...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

If I were a Business making good profits, I'd be telling them to buggar off.Julia Gillard called Bob Brown into his office one day and said,'Bob,I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters.''Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?' said Julia.'Well,' said julia, 'we'll ge...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

People born before 1946 were called The Silent and powerful generation.. - People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers. - People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, . - And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y , Why do we call the last gr...

milo · milo

got this on facebook

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	How to Start the Day and Feel Really Good (Preview) How to Start the Day and Feel Really GoodOpen a new file on your computer.Entitle it "Housework"Place it in the Recycle Bin.Empty the Recycle Bin.Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"Answer "Yes" and click the left m...	Tonyg	0	640	12:40 AM Dec 25, 2011 by Tonyg
	Merry Christmas (Preview) Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to one and all. Off to Queensland Boxing Day. Cheers, tony -- Edited by Tonyg on Sunday 25th of December 2011 12:22:08 AM	Tonyg	0	556	12:17 AM Dec 25, 2011 by Tonyg
	A Lady At The Bar ; (Preview) A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woma...	justcruisin01	2	1035	01:53 PM Dec 22, 2011 by Pam
	Exercise (Preview) EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40 This seems a little daunting to start with but if you apply yourself you may find that it's not as difficult as you think. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out...	jimbo	6	945	11:54 AM Dec 21, 2011 by jimbo
	Merry Christmas (Preview) As you well know, I have been known to have had 'brushes with the authorities' in the past, especially on my way home from the odd boozy session over the years. Last night I was out for a few drinks with a couple of mates and had several bottles of wine followed by some cleansing ale. Realising that I...	woody	4	858	10:27 PM Dec 20, 2011 by woody
	The Barber; (Preview) The BarberA guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The bar...	justcruisin01	2	926	08:22 PM Dec 20, 2011 by jimbo
	My Christmas greeting to y"all - hope it works... (Preview) No sorry it didnt dammit -please ignore this post.... merry christmas - pete -- Edited by petengail on Tuesday 20th of December 2011 04:26:27 PM	petengail	0	569	04:25 PM Dec 20, 2011 by petengail
	Male v Female rules at the bank (Preview) A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After mo...	Rip and Rosie	5	874	01:47 PM Dec 20, 2011 by Tonyg
	An Irish Pub Joke (Preview) An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He...	Tonyg	0	608	09:51 AM Dec 20, 2011 by Tonyg
	Remember de days (Preview) Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room, Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more. The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ...........	Tonyg	1	831	08:25 PM Dec 19, 2011 by jimbo
	santa and the new iphone with siri (Preview) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5qcmCUsw4EQ	milo	0	761	03:54 PM Dec 19, 2011 by milo
	The ballarina (Preview) A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried t...	jimbo	4	962	01:37 PM Dec 19, 2011 by Tonyg
	Can I have my Licence back? (Preview) Australian Cattle Station Pilot G'day Mate, I am writing to you because I need your help to get me bloody pilot's licence back. You keep telling me you got all the right contacts. Well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate. But first, I'd better tell you...	Happywanderer	8	1293	11:57 AM Dec 19, 2011 by Rip and Rosie
	Where I've been (Preview) I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made s...	The Gnome	2	853	12:03 PM Dec 18, 2011 by Tonyg
	How to start a fight (Preview) One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift The next year, I didnt buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, Well, you still havent used the gift I bought you last year! And thats how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife and I were...	Tonyg	0	628	09:53 PM Dec 17, 2011 by Tonyg
	BLONDIE! (Preview) A blonde was mowing the lawn in her garden and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat that was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Woolworths. Why Woolworths ??? HELLOOOOOOOOO! Woolworths is the largest re-tailer in Australia !!!	justcruisin01	1	899	09:24 PM Dec 17, 2011 by Tonyg
	CONDOMS; (Preview) Condom factory burns down in New Zealand : The Prime Minister of New Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone. Its the hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is isti...	justcruisin01	6	1088	09:14 PM Dec 17, 2011 by Tonyg
	I know-political jokes get elected (Preview) If I were a Business making good profits, I'd be telling them to buggar off.Julia Gillard called Bob Brown into his office one day and said,'Bob,I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters.''Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?' said Julia.'Well,' said julia, 'we'll ge...	Zoomtopz	0	1238	07:11 AM Dec 16, 2011 by Zoomtopz
	GEN Y; (Preview) People born before 1946 were called The Silent and powerful generation.. - People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers. - People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, . - And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y , Why do we call the last gr...	justcruisin01	6	1103	10:54 AM Dec 15, 2011 by JRH
	have you been good this year? (Preview) got this on facebook	milo	1	542	06:31 PM Dec 14, 2011 by JRH
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