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What If
(Preview)
-- Edited by tcp99 on Wednesday 26th of September 2012 01:19:58 AM
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tcp99
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816
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Paraprosdokians
(Preview)
It's raining today and I'm a tad bored - so this is from one of my fav websites: PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous: 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The la...
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nomadic1
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1
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956
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IRISH AGAIN.
(Preview)
Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.... I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency... Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through h...
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sarg
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1142
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Scottish Wedding
(Preview)
Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ay've got everythin' organised ulriddy, the fluers, the Kirk, the mootor caurs, the recuption, the rings, the minister, even...
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sarg
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668
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IRISH 000
(Preview)
The IRISH 000 CALL An Irish woman is cleaning her husbands rifle and accidentally shoots him. She immediately dials 000. Irish woman: ''It's my fooken husband!I've accidentally shot him, I've fooken killed him!'' Operator: ''Please calm down Mam. Can you first make sure he is actually dead!'' *c...
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sarg
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811
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Product Loyalty
(Preview)
Product Loyalty A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. I...
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jules47
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2
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1078
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The Fart that (almost) altered destiny
(Preview)
THE FART THAT (ALMOST) ALTERED MY DESTINY Written by Anna. Posted in Marriage Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if its the third date with the man of yo...
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sucastja
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2
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1513
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how I start fights
(Preview)
& then it started besides , mirrors don't lie . I can get away with this at home at th moment. I'm 'home alone' , "herself" is in America . Richo.
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Zoomtopz
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883
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What Confucius did not say!
(Preview)
What Confucius did not say!CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY... Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly. Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts. Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusi...
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gerard gue
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813
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Happy Dogs
(Preview)
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tcp99
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1
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1583
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The Man Rules
(Preview)
PLEASE NOTE: I did not write these, but I paste them here as a community service. We always hear "the rules" From the female side.. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1.Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Le...
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Rip and Rosie
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848
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My Satnav
(Preview)
We have a little Satnav It sits there in our car A Satnav is the driver's friend It tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav I've had it Most of my life It does more than the normal one My Satnav is my wife. It gives me full instructions On exactly how to drive "It's thirty miles an hour" it say...
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Rip and Rosie
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848
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Heaven
(Preview)
I was testing children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" "NO!" the children answered. "...
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Rip and Rosie
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711
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Cashing a cheque ?/
(Preview)
Julia Gillard walked into the NAB to cash a cheque. As she approached the cashier she said "Good morning , could you please cash this cheque for me"? Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Madam. Could you please show me your ID?" Gillard: "Well I didnt bring my ID with me as I didn...
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dazren
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985
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The short man
(Preview)
A dwarf waks in to a tall woman, He did not know if he'd had a crack in the mouth or a box around his ears
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Cowboy7307
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1
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841
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Old Age at it's best
(Preview)
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something... But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. Howev...
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Hoodathunkit
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851
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Two Dwarfs
(Preview)
Two Dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'Working Girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure. The first Dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of ..."...
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Kev-Maz
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1
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924
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Vehicle Safety Feature
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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712
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old age
(Preview)
And then it is another year.... You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, and embarking on my new life. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. But I know that I have lived them...
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Nordic
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848
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Christmas
(Preview)
A man in Brisbane calls his son in Adelaide two days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Geez Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stan...
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rockylizard
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