Just Joking

tonyd · tonyd

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. T...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

THE GENIEA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, s...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

The Lighterside OfGetting Old Cartoons

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

After a busy day I settled down in the train from Waterloo for a nap as far as my destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near mehauled out his mobile and started up: "Hi darling, it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that fl...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful w...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

I was in a pub the other night and saw two rather large girls by the bar.They both had strange accents so I said, Hello, are you two girls from Scotland?One of them screamed, It's WALES you f**king idiot!So I immediately apologized and said, Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland? I expect to be releas...

rockylizard · rockylizard

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being a kind-hearted Scot and an loving husband, he thought: "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past the restaurant again.

Palebushman · Palebushman

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY For those of you who do not have pets, this is also a true story.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door: Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and c...

Palebushman · Palebushman

JEWS SANK THE TITANIC! The plane leaves Kingsford Smith Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captai...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There w...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1-kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that y...

hammer · hammer

The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tightarse with no hair?" Womanreplies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"

sucastja · sucastja

Nurse

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now..' Br...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

While having drinks in a bar in their old neighborhood, an elderly husband leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern, where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes,&q...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care wh...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kinds. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Now just becau...

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

THE GUNFIGHTER... A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot... "Cou...

rockylizard · rockylizard

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Blonde mortician (Preview) A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. T...	tonyd	1	879	04:41 PM Jul 26, 2012 by Rip and Rosie
	THE GENIE (Preview) THE GENIEA man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, s...	Hoodathunkit	0	1046	06:32 PM Jul 25, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	Cartoons (Preview) The Lighterside OfGetting Old Cartoons	Hoodathunkit	0	905	06:27 PM Jul 25, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	ooops!!! (Preview) A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels...	Hoodathunkit	0	967	06:22 PM Jul 25, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	MOBILES ON THE TRAIN; (Preview) After a busy day I settled down in the train from Waterloo for a nap as far as my destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near mehauled out his mobile and started up: "Hi darling, it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that fl...	justcruisin01	1	1050	11:21 PM Jul 23, 2012 by jules47
	FINANCIAL PLANNING; (Preview) Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful w...	justcruisin01	0	1071	04:11 AM Jul 23, 2012 by justcruisin01
	pub talk; (Preview) I was in a pub the other night and saw two rather large girls by the bar.They both had strange accents so I said, Hello, are you two girls from Scotland?One of them screamed, It's WALES you fking idiot!So I immediately apologized and said, Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland? I expect to be releas...**	justcruisin01	0	986	04:09 AM Jul 23, 2012 by justcruisin01
	Loving Husband (Preview) A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being a kind-hearted Scot and an loving husband, he thought: "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past the restaurant again.	rockylizard	1	999	10:18 PM Jul 22, 2012 by Cowboy7307
	Those of you who have pets. (Preview) FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY For those of you who do not have pets, this is also a true story.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door: Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and c...	Palebushman	0	1227	11:00 PM Jul 21, 2012 by Palebushman
	JEWS SANK THE TITANIC! (Preview) JEWS SANK THE TITANIC! The plane leaves Kingsford Smith Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captai...	Palebushman	0	1064	10:42 PM Jul 21, 2012 by Palebushman
	SUNDAY PAPER; (Preview) "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There w...	justcruisin01	0	904	03:53 AM Jul 20, 2012 by justcruisin01
	Keeping fit for us 'mature' types (Preview) EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1-kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that y...	Hoodathunkit	0	816	03:23 PM Jul 18, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	Pervert phone call (Preview) The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tightarse with no hair?" Womanreplies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"	hammer	1	1089	03:00 AM Jul 18, 2012 by jules47
	Nurse (Preview) Nurse	sucastja	1	1026	11:15 PM Jul 17, 2012 by rockylizard
	Phone Call (Preview) Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now..' Br...	Hoodathunkit	0	966	03:21 PM Jul 17, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	50 years (Preview) While having drinks in a bar in their old neighborhood, an elderly husband leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern, where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes,&q...	Hoodathunkit	0	944	10:58 PM Jul 16, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	Results (Preview) A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care wh...	Hoodathunkit	0	749	10:51 PM Jul 16, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	Dear Diary (Preview) Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kinds. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Now just becau...	Hoodathunkit	0	843	10:46 PM Jul 16, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	THE GUNFIGHTER... (Preview) *THE GUNFIGHTER...* A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot... "Cou...	Hoodathunkit	0	958	10:40 PM Jul 16, 2012 by Hoodathunkit
	Exercise (Preview)	rockylizard	1	908	10:52 PM Jul 16, 2012 by jimbo
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