|
Theoretically / Reaisticallyl
(Preview)
A small boy has a school homework question to answer, so he asks his father " Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son.....go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million...
|
jimbo
|
2
|
566
|
|
|
|
|
IN POO AGAIN
(Preview)
Came home from the club yesterday and here she was squatting on the front lawn cutting the grass with a pair of nail scissors. (seems she had the idea it might give me a hint to mow the lawn) But apparently I am a bit slow, I went inside and got a toothbrush and gave it to her, I said: "may as well sweep the...
|
goinsoon
|
2
|
764
|
|
|
|
|
BARBIE AND KEN
(Preview)
Hope this is not too rudeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs upon Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment a...
|
goinsoon
|
0
|
646
|
|
|
|
|
In Honour of Stupid People
(Preview)
In Honour of Stupid People everywhere, but mostly in America and Britain . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not tur...
|
Wombat 280
|
2
|
920
|
|
|
|
|
You know you're Australian when:
(Preview)
You know you're Australian when: You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear & may be...
|
sucastja
|
1
|
1146
|
|
|
|
|
ALABAMA
(Preview)
A man walks into a redneck bar in Alabama and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You solike a Limey", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously. "What do you do, just across the Severn?" &q...
|
goinsoon
|
0
|
704
|
|
|
|
|
HUBBYS REVENGE
(Preview)
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton ba...
|
goinsoon
|
0
|
749
|
|
|
|
|
A BOTTLE OF WINE
(Preview)
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot over to an attractive woman. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second not looking at the man, and decided to send a rep...
|
goinsoon
|
1
|
758
|
|
|
|
|
PROUD TO BE AN AUSSIE
(Preview)
After having dug to a depth of 3.3 metres last year, British Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years. They came to the conclusion that british ancestors had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits an american archaeologist dug to a depth of 6 metre...
|
goinsoon
|
4
|
1020
|
|
|
|
|
PADDY
(Preview)
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy. Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls...
|
goinsoon
|
1
|
762
|
|
|
|
|
GREENIE JOKE
(Preview)
The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site. In a panic to escape, she slid down the tr...
|
goinsoon
|
3
|
792
|
|
|
|
|
DEATHBED
(Preview)
An old Australian battler lies dying in his bed. He calls over Shirley, his faithful wife of 60 years, and says, "Shirl, when we started out, tried to buy a business in the depression, went bust: you were with me" "Oh, yes, Bruce", she says. Then the war started, I joined up, and wa...
|
goinsoon
|
1
|
673
|
|
|
|
|
EXPLANATION OF WORKSHOP TOOLS
(Preview)
Proper use of tools explained...from a safety perspective of course DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had care...
|
goinsoon
|
0
|
1011
|
|
|
|
|
TEENS
(Preview)
My teenage son just told me he shagged the neighbours daughter for the first time last night. "Well done son", I said, "I hope you used something for personal protection". "Yeah dad, a balaclava".
|
goinsoon
|
0
|
643
|
|
|
|
|
Simple and effective
(Preview)
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B.. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
D.. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
I love it when a plan comes together
|
tonyd
|
2
|
812
|
|
|
|
|
AUSSIE CUSTOMS
(Preview)
- A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa. A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and Welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chines...
|
justcruisin01
|
1
|
859
|
|
|
|
|
LEMON PICKER;
(Preview)
The woman applying for a job in a lemon orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her liberal arts degree from the Sydney University and her jobs as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in p...
|
justcruisin01
|
3
|
940
|
|
|
|
|
HOW DOES YOUR HUBBY COMPARE?
(Preview)
> > > > My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. > > > > > > "Did you smell that food? It smelt incredible!" she said. > > > > > > > > Being the nice guy I am, I thought "Damn it, I'll treat her!" > > >...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
674
|
|
|
|
|
TIP;
(Preview)
Always keep several get well cards onthe mantle.. So if unexpectedguests arrive, Theywill think you've been sick and unable to clean.
|
justcruisin01
|
1
|
814
|
|
|
|
|
$100.00
(Preview)
Larry gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?" Larry replies "I was out getting a tattoo!" "A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said...
|
jimbo
|
1
|
854
|
|
|
