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Apple i
(Preview)
Apple does it again! Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music! The iT!t will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because for generations women have been complaining about men stari...
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Zoomtopz
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2
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964
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A few one-liners
(Preview)
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Ap...
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tonyd
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0
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859
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Stow high in transit
(Preview)
When people ask what you learned today... Manure... An interesting fact... Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in...
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Zoomtopz
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0
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1211
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Aussie Bush Etiquette
(Preview)
I know that Aussie Bush Etiquette is recognized throughout the civilized world but we all need to be reminded from time to time: In General: 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview... 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take an Esky to c...
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hammer
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1
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1000
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JACK & JILL;
(Preview)
JACK AND JILL Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side 'When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said. 'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn'...
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justcruisin01
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1
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975
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DATING;
(Preview)
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to stop the girl would probabl...
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justcruisin01
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0
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1023
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dog fart
(Preview)
I don,t know if Cindy will let this go, But it made me laugh. Bill
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bill12
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1
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858
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Banned from Coles
(Preview)
Banned from Coles Supermarkets Yesterday I was at my local Coles store buying a large bag of Pal dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pal D...
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jules47
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1
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1183
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Dear Ms. Gillard
(Preview)
I absolutely love this, who-ever thought it up is a genius, they need congratulating. Enjoy! Dear Ms. Gillard, Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bo...
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hammer
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1
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1112
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OLD DRUNKS;
(Preview)
I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That's us in 10 years". He said "That's a mirror, dip-****!
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justcruisin01
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0
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893
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SACKED;
(Preview)
I have just been sacked from my new job in the Wines and Spirits section At Woolworths. A Muslim man came in and asked if I could recommend a good port. I said Try Kuwait ......
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justcruisin01
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0
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859
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PSYCHIATRISTS VS BARTENDERS'
(Preview)
Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,...
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justcruisin01
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0
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583
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CELL PHONES;
(Preview)
Why I hate Cell Phones My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?" I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day; I haven't stopped." "Can you do me a favour?" he asked. I said, "Of course, what is it?" He said, &quo...
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justcruisin01
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2
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1059
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GOLF;
(Preview)
> > Tim and Janice met on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels > for her. > > > > > > > When they discovered they lived in neighboring cities only a few > miles apart Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they > got home. > > Within...
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justcruisin01
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1
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981
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"Wife gone Missing"
(Preview)
My wife has been missing for over a week now. The police investigators have told me to be prepared for the worst. So, I had to go down to the Salvos to get all of her clothes back. 
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DandS
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5
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1012
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TICKETS PLEASE;
(Preview)
Three Australians and three Maoris are travelling by train to a Rugby match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maoris buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks One of...
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justcruisin01
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0
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860
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NAG NAG NAG;
(Preview)
NAG, NAG, NAG... An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of nigh...
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justcruisin01
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2
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997
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Bunnings;
(Preview)
The Bunnings Story! Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the nice young man to finish serving a customer, Her eye ca...
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justcruisin01
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0
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1159
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WHAT NEXT!
(Preview)
NOW ON SALE Quick Assembly * Lesbian Beds * No nuts or screwing involved. It's all tongue and groove!!
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justcruisin01
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0
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831
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PAT & MICK;
(Preview)
Pat and Mick Pat and Mick were walking along a street in London when Pat looked in a shop window and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair". Pat said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole l...
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justcruisin01
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929
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