|
Square Testicles
(Preview)
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an emplo...
|
robell
|
0
|
843
|
|
|
|
|
SMS / text codes for the *seniors.
(Preview)
The kids have all their little SMS codes...like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the *seniors: * ATD - At the Doctor's BFF - Best Friends Funeral BTW - Bring the Wheelchair CBM - Covered by Medicare CUATSC - See You at the Senior Centre DWI - Driving While Incontinent FWBB - Friend with Beta Blo...
|
DKay
|
2
|
1144
|
|
|
|
|
Job search
(Preview)
John Smith (his real name) started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG) He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SING...
|
robell
|
1
|
935
|
|
|
|
|
OOpps!
(Preview)
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works a treat!
|
jimbo
|
5
|
973
|
|
|
|
|
The Prayer
(Preview)
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . He then decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, Australia they decided to send it to Julia Gillard. (Australian PM) Gi...
|
Firefly
|
1
|
848
|
|
|
|
|
Scottish Jew
(Preview)
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club. After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why. Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club? Scot...
|
Cowboy7307
|
1
|
1149
|
|
|
|
|
Coincidently
(Preview)
What A Coincidence! A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne... The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating' 'Thi...
|
robell
|
1
|
885
|
|
|
|
|
how your day going
(Preview)
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says...
|
Cowboy7307
|
1
|
1059
|
|
|
|
|
Holy lunch
(Preview)
An old nunwho was living in a convent next to a construction sitenoticed the coarse language of the workersand decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch;sit with the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag andwalked ov...
|
robell
|
4
|
1179
|
|
|
|
|
HOW BIG ARE YOURS?
(Preview)
Could this be true? I'd say so.Definitely! INTERESTING OBSERVATION 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASE...
|
clazandaza
|
2
|
1022
|
|
|
|
|
Getting Your Own Way
(Preview)
A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special offer. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, 'PINCH MY NIPPLE...
|
Cruising Granny
|
1
|
914
|
|
|
|
|
A Letter from Grandma
(Preview)
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:Dear Grand-daughter,The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir perform...
|
sucastja
|
3
|
973
|
|
|
|
|
Do you know ??????
(Preview)
So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for > us 'old kids'! The answers are printed below, but don't cheat. > /*/01./**/After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the > sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? > Invariably, someone wou...
|
robell
|
5
|
1040
|
|
|
|
|
Cold end
(Preview)
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I di...
|
robell
|
1
|
894
|
|
|
|
|
Vic's Avatar
(Preview)
|
gubby
|
2
|
918
|
|
|
|
|
Bottle Of Wine
(Preview)
For all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married or wish you were not married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine: Sally was driving home from one of her business trips, in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of...
|
Firefly
|
0
|
998
|
|
|
|
|
Jumping On The Bed
(Preview)
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came fr...
|
Firefly
|
3
|
1005
|
|
|
|
|
Look who's made the front
(Preview)
|
_wombat_
|
3
|
834
|
|
|
|
|
Herion Addicts
(Preview)
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care .. One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
|
petengail
|
7
|
1128
|
|
|
|
|
DO TELL
(Preview)
From: Thomas Cook Holidays Listing some of the guest's complaints during the season. 1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts" 2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in t...
|
robell
|
3
|
1012
|
|
|
