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The Future of Ibbo's Nursery Rhymes
(Preview)
The future of nursery rhymes It's Raining, It's Pouring Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its arse And turned its wool to nylo...
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Disco Duck
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6
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861
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Japanese Computer messages
(Preview)
In Japan, they have apparently replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry. With their strict construction rules (each poem has only 17 syllables: 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third), Haikus are used to communicate timeless messages, oft...
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Hylda&Jon
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5
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1054
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Formal Complaint to the Most Honouable Webmistress
(Preview)
I have just been seduced by these fora into wasting the whole of my morning without achieving a solitary thing of a productive nature. It is not only a consequence of spending time reading and responding to the many and varied postings on these pages, but more a matter of the neccessity of rescuing my ke...
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Rolly
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10
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911
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Ibbo's Bereavement
(Preview)
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby Cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog o...
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Disco Duck
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0
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776
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Patents Office
(Preview)
The other day I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented. I said, "A folding bottle." She said, "Ok...
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Disco Duck
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11
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971
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Thanks to All Who Cared
(Preview)
Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you all for the e-mails you have forwarded throughout the year. I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe...
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Disco Duck
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3
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917
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Christmas Presents are Good!
(Preview)
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we...
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Disco Duck
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0
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870
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Shaggy Dog Story - Warning - This is seriously bad!
(Preview)
A guy is driving around the back streets of Strathpine and he sees a sign in front of a house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and Beatle appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks...
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jimricho
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0
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832
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de gigglez
(Preview)
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Libby
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1
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564
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Why? Suicide
(Preview)
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide . . Let's see now...
No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No baseball
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No ch...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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678
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The Army Has New Recruiting Policies
(Preview)
Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier- New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwa...
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Disco Duck
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0
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705
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Kevin Rudd
(Preview)
Kevin Rudd was out jogging one morning along the harbour pathway near Kirribilli House in Sydney when he tripped, fell down a bank and landed in the water below. Before the Security detail guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids wha...
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Firefly
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0
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537
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Fart Football
(Preview)
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'Its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.' After about five minut...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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871
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A Little Poem For You
(Preview)
Another year has passed and we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter and winter seems much colder. There was a time not long ago when life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand about 'Living in the Past' We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches. Now we go to funeral homes, and afte...
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Disco Duck
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0
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606
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Baby's First Doctor Visit.
(Preview)
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first check up. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' the woman replied. 'Well...
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Ma
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0
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779
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Another blond joke
(Preview)
A blonde hurried into the emergency room of the hospital late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. What?' sputtered the doctor. "you tried to commit suici...
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Ma
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0
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766
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The Christmas Fairy
(Preview)
CHRISTMAS FAIRY I am a little fairy On tap o' the Christmas Tree It's no' a job I fancy Well how would you like tae be me A tarted up wi' tinsel It's enough to mak ye boak An a couple o' jaggy branches Rammed up the back o' your frock An' these wee lights a'roon me I canna get my sleep An' there's the yearly visit F...
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Disco Duck
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1
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1128
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Little Johnny Strikes Again.
(Preview)
Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Kevin, the saviour of 'working families', if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So Kevin (the saviour of 'w...
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Firefly
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0
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781
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Hotel Bill
(Preview)
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to Consider this... A husband and wife are travelling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne .. After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and They decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a Room, but they onl...
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Palebushman
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1
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784
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Grandpa
(Preview)
Grandad was reminiscing about the good old days.................... "When I were a lad, Momma would send me down to t'corner store wi' a dollar, and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs. Yer c...
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Disco Duck
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1
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732
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