|
Women Just Don't seem to understand what matters
(Preview)
Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go som...
|
sucastja
|
7
|
1201
|
|
|
|
|
Harrod's
(Preview)
Dont fart in Harrods. A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and pra...
|
robell
|
1
|
936
|
|
|
|
|
An Aussie Yarn
(Preview)
Two cattle drovers were standing in an Outback bar. One asked, "What are ya up to, mate?" "Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie." "Oh yeah .... and what route are you takin'?" "Ah, prob'ly the Missus ..... after all, she stuck by me durin' the d...
|
sucastja
|
1
|
920
|
|
|
|
|
Police Comments
(Preview)
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretc...
|
sucastja
|
0
|
853
|
|
|
|
|
Dynamite
(Preview)
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!' He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.' He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!' The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.' He then rem...
|
jules47
|
3
|
876
|
|
|
|
|
What is a bucket seat?
(Preview)
For those who don't know what a bucket seat is....
|
Beth54
|
2
|
1007
|
|
|
|
|
IRISH MIRROR;
(Preview)
Irish Mirror After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin . In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here'...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
937
|
|
|
|
|
They walk among us
(Preview)
What hope has the future got with these IDIOTS living in and running Australia? ---------- Subject: They walk among us....UNFORTUNATELY IDIOT SIGHTING. My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. Sh...
|
robell
|
4
|
1230
|
|
|
|
|
One for the girls!
(Preview)
While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances." The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like t...
|
justcruisin01
|
11
|
1073
|
|
|
|
|
The dentist
(Preview)
The other day, a gentleman went to a Dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist takes out a freezing needle to give him a shot. "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said. The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I c...
|
jules47
|
0
|
1028
|
|
|
|
|
Grandma's oranges
(Preview)
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandma know the trut...
|
jules47
|
1
|
825
|
|
|
|
|
When I am gone...............
(Preview)
The longer you have been married, the funnier and more poignant this will be to you - Sitting at the breakfast table one morning, my husband said to me - "Darling, when I am gone, I want you to sell all my stuff." "Why would you want me to do that?" I asked. "Well, I wouldn't want...
|
jules47
|
1
|
893
|
|
|
|
|
Messed up -
(Preview)
Pooh-bear has an eating disorder, Piglet has anxiety, Eeyore has depression, Rabbit has OCD, Tigger has ADHD and our parents wonder why we're so messed up...
|
jules47
|
0
|
776
|
|
|
|
|
And the winner is
(Preview)
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George, an elderly man, from Lithgow, NSW, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that she could see the light on in the garden shed. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were two men stealing stuff...
|
robell
|
3
|
916
|
|
|
|
|
OYSTERS;
(Preview)
Paddy was a youthful and hard working Irishman at a Coastal village in Ireland . Daily he would pole a heavy old punt out to sea then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits he always arrived home each day at a certain time...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
877
|
|
|
|
|
ROMANCE & FOOD;
(Preview)
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last dec...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
852
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde Swimmer
(Preview)
*A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.** *She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other..'* *He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'* *So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice r...
|
jules47
|
3
|
1196
|
|
|
|
|
lonely
(Preview)
An interstate truck driver had been on the road full time for nearly 5 months without a break. so here pulls into a small country town, goes to the local brothel, Puts $1000.oo on the counter and says to the Madam,, I want the Fattest, Ugliest, Bitch of a Hore you have got in this place, and i also want 2 Lamb...
|
dazren
|
1
|
989
|
|
|
|
|
UNDENIABLE FACT ???
(Preview)
I was walking along the beach and found buried in the sand a large green bottle ??? Well as you do i picked it up, and screwed of the lid and WHOOOSH ?? out popped a Genie !!! The genie said thankyou, i have been trapped in there for 1000 years, and for letting me free I hereby grant you one wish. Well i know this...
|
dazren
|
1
|
902
|
|
|
|
|
Five passengers, Four Parachutes.
(Preview)
An aeroplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the aircra...
|
DandS
|
0
|
784
|
|
|
