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Movie Duck
(Preview)
So, this guy has a pet duck and he goes to the movie theater to see a movie and brings his duck with him. He goes to the ticket window and says to the lady, "I'd like two tickets, one for me, and one for my duck." The lady says, "I can't give your duck a ticket." The man says, "What gi...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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611
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Blondie;
(Preview)
Highway patrol officer spots a blonde driving down the road with no hands on the wheel , he pulls alongside to see she is knitting , he the calls to her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, pullover.. she replies ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,no, jumper!
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justcruisin01
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0
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814
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New Car
(Preview)
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus." It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
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Firefly
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6
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944
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SMART ARSED ANSWERS 2009
(Preview)
The last one is a worthy winner. 6th Place It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 'What are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. 5th Place A flight attendant was stationed at t...
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hammer
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4
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862
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BLONDE AT MAILBOX
(Preview)
A man was in his front yard mowing his lawn, when his attractive blonde neighbour came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox, She opened it then slammed it shut and stomped back into her house in a huff. A little later she again came out of the house and went to the mailbox opend it, slammed it shu...
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goinsoon
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0
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866
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Centrelink
(Preview)
A woman walks into the Charnwood Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids.... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL yours? "Yeah they are all mine," the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Terry...
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jimricho
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0
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785
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Help Me Doc
(Preview)
So this guy walks into the doctor's office with this big black duck on his head. The doctor looks up and says, "Yes, sir, can I help you?" And the duck says, "Yeah, can you get this guy off my arse?"
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joebee
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2
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768
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Another Blonde Joke
(Preview)
A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals..' 'That...
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Palebushman
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0
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698
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Wish You Hadn't Said That?
(Preview)
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did..... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a sham...
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Gary and Kerry
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2
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795
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another anti blonde joke
(Preview)
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day...
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Basil Faulty
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1
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955
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Is It That Hard??
(Preview)
To make it Stand, You Wet it ! To make it Wet, You Suck it ! To make it Stiff, You Lick it ! To Get It In, You Push it! Damn!!!! Threading a Needle when you're AN OLD FART is a Bitch!!!!!
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Disco Duck
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2
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787
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The Pirate.
(Preview)
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.' Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon...
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Sandym54
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1
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727
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$50 Session
(Preview)
An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agr...
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Sandym54
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0
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623
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The Centipede
(Preview)
This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, foun...
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Sandym54
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0
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584
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Robots are taking over...
(Preview)
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when...
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Basil Faulty
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1
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734
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Penguins
(Preview)
This is interesting,and it goes to show we learn something new every day. Penguins Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more! It is a well known fact the penguin is a very ritualistic bird. It lives an extremely...
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Basil Faulty
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0
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591
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CHEWING GUM
(Preview)
CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Aus...
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The Gnome
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3
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838
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WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY
(Preview)
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness...just as they did I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on th...
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The Gnome
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2
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796
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Dead Duck
(Preview)
A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Disco has passed away." The distressed o...
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joebee
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2
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655
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I don't THINK I'm looking any older?
(Preview)
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REM...
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Disco Duck
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2
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775
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