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NEW NEW ZEALAND ZONING
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New New Zealand zoning. Sorry, I couldn't make it bigger. It was on an email. -- Edited by Beth54 on Monday 9th of May 2011 05:18:39 PM
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Beth54
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845
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New Coffee Special
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New coffee special . . . Osama Bin Latte . . . has a fluffy white head with two shots in it . . .
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sucastja
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3
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955
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Forums
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How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs...
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gubby
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3
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781
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Circle Flies
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A North Queensland ruff-nut stockman attends a social function where Prime Minister Julia is speechifying. Clearly the stockman was not paying much attention, yackking with those closest and even quite far away. Julia endeavoured to attract his interest with slower single syllable words. Yo...
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Zoomtopz
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603
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Best 'Genie' joke ever
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A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your l...
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Zoomtopz
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1
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840
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Noah's New Ark
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One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, Anything you want. After all, you're the guv" . But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch." This time Noah, I want not just a...
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Firefly
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1
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955
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ATO Auditors
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At the end of the tax year, the Aust Tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the ATO agent was checking the books, he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said. "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when ...
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Zoomtopz
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0
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758
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WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Commodore doing 100 km/h with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on th...
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gubby
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0
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894
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Offical Bingo Form
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Here is something to help make Gillard's speeches almost tolerable. Just print this page, distribute it to friends, and listen to her next speech (be sure to read directions at the bottom). Rules for Bull**** Bingo: 1. Before Julia Gillard's next televised speech, print your "Bull**** Bin...
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Wombat 280
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2
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765
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Quotes of the century
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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)<><> I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed,...
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Wombat 280
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1
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1285
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Irish Mirror
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Irish MirrorAfter living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin . In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a...
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Zoomtopz
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689
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Limerick
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There once was a man called.. Osama Who caused the U.S such a drama When they spotted his head They shot the pr##k dead Now that's what I call karma
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Loffty
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608
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Men & Women
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Men are from Mars, women are from Venus - crap! Men would have been from Venus too but they got lost and were too pig-headed to read the map!
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Beth54
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616
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Happy Hour - Half Price
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Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Port Macquarie, Australia . They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents.? They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'C...
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Cruising Granny
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2
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1140
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Kitty
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Kitty and Jack My husband took up bowling and he bragged upon the phone about some dame called Kitty whom he couldn't leave aloneHe played with Kitty he stayed with Kitty he picked her up without a hitchHe missed Kitty he kissed Kitty he even layed beside her in the ditchSo I took up bowling to win my hubby...
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jules47
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872
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glasses
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From:Add to ContactsTo:Undisclosed-Recipient@yahoo.com While on a road trip, an elderly couple stoppedat a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left therestaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowinglyleft her glasses on the...
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jules47
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2
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1065
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This one is for the girls!
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ARE YOU A BITCH?Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist' The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K.., you know... Double Income, No Kids.' The third guy sa...
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Dougie
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830
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hard lesson
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Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday.&qu...
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robell
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760
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My interpretation
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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride! Richo
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Zoomtopz
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2
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862
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Eggs
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Two egss boiling away in a pot, one says "Hey check out my crack!" The other egg answers - "Fair go, I'm not even hard yet!"
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jules47
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988
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