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Who needs school most?
(Preview)
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND.... I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce Lisa for be...
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Cruising Granny
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0
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956
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Bicycles Or Women
(Preview)
Why bicycles are better than Women... Bicycles don't get pregnant. You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month. Bicycles don't have parents. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong. You can share your Bicycle with your friends. Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've...
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Gary and Kerry
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3
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797
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Three Holy Men and a Bear
(Preview)
Three Holy Men and a Bear: A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of NorthernMichiganUniversity in Marquette . They would get together two or three times a week for coffeeand to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't re...
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Disco Duck
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1
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950
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Marriage - Where did I go wrong?
(Preview)
How Do You Decide Who To Marry? According to the kids.
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to ma...
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Cruising Granny
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0
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952
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Cheating Hubby
(Preview)
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then she picked up a...
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Hylda&Jon
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1
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822
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Ambidextrous Golfer
(Preview)
A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf.
One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.
A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their
golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in
college and...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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1144
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FAMILY HOLIDAY.
(Preview)
A family goes on a holiday to the Northern Territory & hubby,s mother inlaw tags along. they arrive at a river , on a very hot day & mother inlaw goes in for a swim, moments later the mother inlaw is being circled by a 6mtr crock , upon the daughter seeing this she screams to hubby please please pl...
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justcruisin01
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2
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792
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Know Who You Are !!
(Preview)
Yallthink you have lived to be 85 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell! An old pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'W...
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Disco Duck
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0
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656
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LEARNING CURVE.
(Preview)
Hubby watching tv is switching between the footy & a hot steamy, sex filled movie, he says to his wife ,,, can.t make up my mind as to which one to watch,, WEEEELLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!. the wife replys , you know how to play football,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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justcruisin01
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0
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867
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Julia
(Preview)
Julia Gillard was touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Julia in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.' The chauffeur gets out, checks and report...
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Disco Duck
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1
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818
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Retirees
(Preview)
And they ask---Why I Like Retirement? Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all...
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Disco Duck
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1
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802
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The "P" Poem
(Preview)
The Penis Poem My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the F*&#ing thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For ever...
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Disco Duck
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0
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902
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THE HOT FLY
(Preview)
THE HOT FLY In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot,dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh ... if I go down three inches...,I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed." There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh if that fly goes Down thr...
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Hylda&Jon
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4
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939
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Shopping
(Preview)
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-...
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Libby
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1
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790
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Jacky and freddo
(Preview)
Jacky and Freddo race into a bar and quickly shouts out to the publican "quick give us a drink before the trouble starts" the publican quickly hands them two beers and says "that'll be $8" to which Jacky says to freddo "well looks like the trouble's started"
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dave06
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0
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598
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Jacky, Jacky
(Preview)
Jacky Jacky was having a beer at a pub that he was not familiar with, he was dying for the loo so asked the publican who directed him upstairs, to the right and the first door on the left a while passes and the publican gets a bit concerened about Jacky Jacky so he goes looking only to be greeted at the top of th...
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dave06
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0
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737
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Irish but a bit naughty
(Preview)
John O'Riley was a member of an all male, Irish Toast Masters Club. One evening at the local Irish Toast Masters meeting, a contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Well, John O'Riley won the contest with the following verse: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the l...
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Hylda&Jon
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0
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843
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Fanny Green
(Preview)
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.' Soon thereafter, another Irish man...
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Firefly
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0
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762
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The Frozen Carburetor...
(Preview)
In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the court-room. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place. For example: On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol c...
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Palebushman
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0
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877
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Typical Aussie farmer
(Preview)
A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Lockyer Valley farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells the farmer, I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation. The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that paddock over there. The Water representative says, 'Mister, I hav...
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Basil Faulty
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3
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976
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