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$50 Session
(Preview)
An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agr...
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Sandym54
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0
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636
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The Centipede
(Preview)
This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, foun...
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Sandym54
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0
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597
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Robots are taking over...
(Preview)
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when...
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Basil Faulty
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1
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749
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Penguins
(Preview)
This is interesting,and it goes to show we learn something new every day. Penguins Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more! It is a well known fact the penguin is a very ritualistic bird. It lives an extremely...
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Basil Faulty
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0
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604
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CHEWING GUM
(Preview)
CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Aus...
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The Gnome
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3
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854
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WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY
(Preview)
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness...just as they did I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on th...
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The Gnome
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2
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809
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Dead Duck
(Preview)
A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Disco has passed away." The distressed o...
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joebee
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2
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673
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I don't THINK I'm looking any older?
(Preview)
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REM...
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Disco Duck
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2
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793
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Don't Step On A Duck!!!!
(Preview)
Three guys get to heaven,Bob, Larry and Bill, and before they enter St. Peter warns them "whatever you do don`t ever, ever, step on a duck. Once one quacks, they all do, and they make a terrible racket". Bob enters heaven and immediately steps on a duck. So an angel comes up to him and chains a l...
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joebee
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0
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698
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The Fairy Godmother
(Preview)
So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda p i s s ed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her: &quo...
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Firefly
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0
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733
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THE MEANING OF LIFE IN JUST 13 WORDS
(Preview)
Inside every old person Is a young person wondering WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
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goinsoon
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0
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1020
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Are we SO wrong??
(Preview)
WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG? TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE . .... Tribal Elder Billy CokeBottle was asked by a white Government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done&q...
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Disco Duck
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1
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947
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2010 contract;
(Preview)
After serious & cautious consideration... your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2010 It was a very hard decision to make... So try not to screw it up!!! My Wish for You in 2010 May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jean...
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justcruisin01
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4
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989
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Two Crocodiles
(Preview)
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size As kids. I just don't get it.' 'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been e...
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Firefly
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3
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999
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A Touching Question
(Preview)
A little boy says to his mother,"Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!
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Disco Duck
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0
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699
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Bundy Rum
(Preview)
BUNDY RUM (Bundaberg Rum)...Queensland's famous product! Forget Jamacia or any other rubbish! For you o/seas people..a King Brown is one of the deadliest snakes on earth. Out of the top 10, Australia has 5. I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I...
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Firefly
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1
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1537
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Christmass gift disappointment
(Preview)
Youwouldn't read about it !I just spent$55 on a Tiger Woods DVD "My Favourate 18 Holes" and bugger me it's all about golf !
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justcruisin01
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2
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738
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Assorted X-mas One-Liners
(Preview)
A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: Anyone want to buy a present?Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!I hope Santa brings me that mistletoe belt I asked for!I think that S...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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841
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Santa's Bad Day
(Preview)
This may have been posted before, apologies if it has. One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was begin...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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800
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Cinderella
(Preview)
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, 'Fairy G...
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Disco Duck
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0
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724
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