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A CATTLE DOG STORY
(Preview)
Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said "Julia, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters". "Good idea Leader, how will we go about it"? said Julia. "Well", said Rudd, "we get ourselves one of those Driaza Bon...
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Gary and Kerry
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1
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768
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OOPS GRANNY!
(Preview)
Grandmas Don't Know Everything Little Tony had been playing outside with the other kids for a while. He came into the house and asked, 'Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him th...
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Ma
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0
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8059
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THE LAWYER
(Preview)
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?' 'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat gras...
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Ma
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0
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604
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solar panels
(Preview)
Hubby wants to know ....what brand of solar panels should he get to run 2 engel fridges, any why that particular brand. Can any one give him their opinion please.
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DellieMay
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1
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720
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FORGIVEN
(Preview)
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?' 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. 'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?' I don't hav...
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Ma
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1
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664
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Swearing
(Preview)
Swearing A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time westarted swearing.' The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?' '...
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Firefly
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0
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601
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Fireman
(Preview)
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. 'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. Wh...
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Firefly
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1
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915
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AAADD
(Preview)
AAADD KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!! Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose i...
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Firefly
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0
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826
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A Real Australian Outback Story
(Preview)
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remo...
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Firefly
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1
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835
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Retired People
(Preview)
Well, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there forabout five minutes.When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'He ignored us and continued writing the ticket...
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Dragonfly
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0
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820
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CAP YA GIVE ME A PUSH
(Preview)
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he dr...
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Ma
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1
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1102
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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods
(Preview)
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.' Stevie says, 'I always find that when my s...
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Mike47
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0
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594
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LEATHER DRESSES
(Preview)
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally??? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new Ute!
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Ma
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0
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738
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TWO GARBAGE BAGS
(Preview)
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there ...
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Ma
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1
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812
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Jane and Arlene
(Preview)
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you ge...
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Firefly
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0
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741
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the pirate
(Preview)
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible. What do you mean? said the pirate, I feel fine. Bartender, What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before. Pirate, Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'...
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Cinnamon
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0
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611
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LET ME TELL YOU
(Preview)
An older,white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told thejeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000. ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something...
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Ma
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0
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786
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Where Did We Come From
(Preview)
A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?'The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve,they had children, and so all mankind was made.'Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the humanrac...
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Firefly
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0
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745
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The Sensitive Man
(Preview)
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in thebedroom, with hundre...
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Ma
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0
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568
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prince charles on tour
(Preview)
prince charles was on tour in the remote regions of australia, upon arrival at Kalgoorlie he was inquired upon by the local mayor of his animal skin head wear his reply was "I said to Mummsy that we would be dropping in on Kalgoorlie, and she replied OHHhh!!! wear the fox hat!!"
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dave06
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2
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882
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