Just Joking

robell · robell

Subject: A Little Flab...................... One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said, "if you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top panty hose". While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning...

BGR · BGR

A guy calls the muso's union to get a quote on a 6 piece band for a wedding. The rep says "Off the top of my head...... about $2,000". The guys says "WHAT! FOR MUSIC?." The rep responds "I'll tell you what, why don't you call the plumbers union & ask for six plumbers to work f...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

Enjoy life Now , it has an expiration date . Jn other words Aspire to Inspire before You Expire Richo

jules47 · jules47

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small childr en . You all have obsessions,' he observed.. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've ev en named your daughter Candy.' He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your ob...

jules47 · jules47

Men are like.... 1. Men are likeLaxatives. They irritate the crap out of you. 2 Men are likeBananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 3.Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4.Men are like BlendersYou need one, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are likeChocolate Bars .....

jules47 · jules47

Sorry reposted same one by mistake -- Edited by jules47 on Friday 15th of April 2011 04:51:37 PM

robell · robell

Global Facts About SexAt Any Given Moment:FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now! FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 elderly person is reading e-mails You hang in there, Sunshine ............... ...

Firefly · Firefly

Yesterday my wife asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said "Are you nuts? You're 70 years old and you're going to start j...

bill12 · bill12

A fisherman wins lotto, and is down the local pub, shouting the bar. A mate says"Bill, what are you going to do with all your money?" Bill scratches his head , and then his bum , and says "I,ve thought about it-I think I,ll keep fishing til its all gone..............."

petengail · petengail

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off m...

jules47 · jules47

There were 101 nuns at the convent, and one morning on of them said "I saw a man cllimb over the fence last night." 99 nuns went "oooh!", and one hid behind her hand and went "he,he". "I saw a man creep across the courtyard last night", the nun said. 99 nuns we...

Beth54 · Beth54

The Arrogance of authority... DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location. ...

Happywanderer · Happywanderer

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

THE CHAUFFEUR,Julia Gillard is touring thecountryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow walks out ontothe road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Julia in her usual charmingmanner, says to the chauffeur:"You get out and check - youwere driving."The chauffeur g...

Firefly · Firefly

Little Lorraine went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them. Mum said, "You should say "No" -they only want to look at your knickers." Lorraine said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag&qu...

petengail · petengail

Doctor says to the pregnant prostitute ..."Do you know who the father is?" Prostitute replies...."If you eat a can of beans.... do you know which bean makes you fart?..."

Firefly · Firefly

This is so cool...try it ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST(I love this part.. it's absolutely amazing!!!) Count every " F " in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY? THERE ARE 6 NO JOKE. READ IT A...

Firefly · Firefly

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks for?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.' ...

Firefly · Firefly

Woman sitting at home on the veranda with her husband and she says; "I love you." He asks; "Is that you or the wine talking?" She replies; "It's me .............. talking to the wine."

Firefly · Firefly

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'The w...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	a little flab (Preview) Subject: A Little Flab...................... One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said, "if you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top panty hose". While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning...	robell	1	1057	02:16 PM Apr 17, 2011 by Travel Bug
	So you need a band (Preview) A guy calls the muso's union to get a quote on a 6 piece band for a wedding. The rep says "Off the top of my head...... about $2,000". The guys says "WHAT! FOR MUSIC?." The rep responds "I'll tell you what, why don't you call the plumbers union & ask for six plumbers to work f...	BGR	1	797	02:14 PM Apr 17, 2011 by Travel Bug
	Life's Moments (Preview) Enjoy life Now , it has an expiration date . Jn other words Aspire to Inspire before You Expire Richo	Zoomtopz	1	1110	02:13 PM Apr 17, 2011 by Travel Bug
	Obsessions (Preview) A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small childr en . You all have obsessions,' he observed.. To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've ev en named your daughter Candy.' He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your ob...	jules47	1	1091	02:09 PM Apr 17, 2011 by Travel Bug
	Men (Preview) Men are like.... 1. Men are likeLaxatives. They irritate the crap out of you. 2 Men are likeBananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. 3.Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4.Men are like BlendersYou need one, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are likeChocolate Bars .....	jules47	0	1000	09:21 AM Apr 17, 2011 by jules47
	Obsessions (Preview) Sorry reposted same one by mistake -- Edited by jules47 on Friday 15th of April 2011 04:51:37 PM	jules47	0	923	04:50 PM Apr 15, 2011 by jules47
	global facts (Preview) Global Facts About SexAt Any Given Moment:FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now! FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 elderly person is reading e-mails *You hang in there, Sunshine ...............* ...	robell	0	742	07:09 PM Apr 13, 2011 by robell
	My Parachute Club (Preview) Yesterday my wife asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said "Are you nuts? You're 70 years old and you're going to start j...	Firefly	0	928	04:56 PM Apr 11, 2011 by Firefly
	fisherman win lotto! (Preview) A fisherman wins lotto, and is down the local pub, shouting the bar. A mate says"Bill, what are you going to do with all your money?" Bill scratches his head , and then his bum , and says "I,ve thought about it-I think I,ll keep fishing til its all gone..............."	bill12	0	840	04:46 PM Apr 10, 2011 by bill12
	Viagra - Appetite suppresant (Preview) A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off m...	petengail	1	1444	08:47 AM Apr 9, 2011 by Beth54
	101 Nuns (Preview) There were 101 nuns at the convent, and one morning on of them said "I saw a man cllimb over the fence last night." 99 nuns went "oooh!", and one hid behind her hand and went "he,he". "I saw a man creep across the courtyard last night", the nun said. 99 nuns we...	jules47	0	1033	12:52 PM Apr 7, 2011 by jules47
	The arrogance of authority (Preview) The Arrogance of authority... DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location. ...	Beth54	1	822	11:15 AM Apr 7, 2011 by Pam
	Jigsaw Puzzle (Preview) BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little...	Happywanderer	0	856	09:01 AM Apr 6, 2011 by Happywanderer
	juliars chauffeur (Preview) THE CHAUFFEUR,Julia Gillard is touring thecountryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow walks out ontothe road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Julia in her usual charmingmanner, says to the chauffeur:"You get out and check - youwere driving."The chauffeur g...	Zoomtopz	0	720	05:52 AM Apr 6, 2011 by Zoomtopz
	Little Lorraine (Preview) Little Lorraine went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them. Mum said, "You should say "No" -they only want to look at your knickers." Lorraine said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag&qu...	Firefly	0	683	08:23 AM Apr 5, 2011 by Firefly
	Pregnant Prostitute (Preview) Doctor says to the pregnant prostitute ..."Do you know who the father is?" Prostitute replies...."If you eat a can of beans.... do you know which bean makes you fart?..."	petengail	0	1451	08:12 AM Apr 5, 2011 by petengail
	Are You A Genius? (Preview) This is so cool...try it ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST(I love this part.. it's absolutely amazing!!!) Count every " F " in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY? THERE ARE 6 NO JOKE. READ IT A...	Firefly	3	1038	08:45 PM Apr 4, 2011 by jules47
	Clocks In Heaven (Preview) A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks for?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.' ...	Firefly	2	1177	07:44 PM Apr 4, 2011 by Firefly
	Love It (Preview) Woman sitting at home on the veranda with her husband and she says; "I love you." He asks; "Is that you or the wine talking?" She replies; "It's me .............. talking to the wine."	Firefly	0	721	02:54 PM Apr 4, 2011 by Firefly
	Mexican Oysters (Preview) A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'The w...	Firefly	0	853	02:51 PM Apr 4, 2011 by Firefly
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